Threads merged, and edited.

Hey. There is a guy I go to school with that I've been knowing for a bit but it has always been a hi and bye type of thing.He is 20 years old and I'm 18. Until a month and a half ago when my girl and I went to a club and I bumped into him there. We danced all night and he bought me drinks. I was really feeling him, and the things he was saying had me thinking damn this guy is a real dude, so I ended up sleeping over his dorm. He didn't make a move on me but I did and we ended up having sex. He met my son who is a year old, and he loves him. He is a sweet heart and enjoys playing with my son. I have slept over several times after that, and we chill at least three times a week, everything was going perfect. We would text each other back and forth everyday, he would call me babe, it was something nice. But two weeks ago he started acting a little bit distant.when I talked to him about it, he told me that it was because he thought I was getting to attached to him, and that he was looking for something but nothing serious as of right now cause he just gott out of a relationship like 4 months ago. He said that he still wanted to get to know me but to take things day by day, I told him that was okay. We text often and chill and sometimes we have sleepovers. But I just wish we could go back to the beginning. I really like him and want to keep on getting to know him. When we are together we have fun, I'm always making him laugh and we talk about our lives and things like that. I'm not in a rush to get into a relationship but I don't want to waste my time either. Should I just be friends wit him or just wait to see what happens? What can I do to make him become exclusive in a way?

He has made it clear to me though that he doesn't want a serious relationship right now that we should take this day by day, but at the same time I don't want to back down. I feel as if with time I could change his mind, for some reason. Its just that I think we are great together. I know it might sound ridiculous but when we are together it just feels right. I hate the fact that I like him so much. I don't usually let people in that easily but I feel so comfortable around him. I don't know if it's the chase or the whole having what I can't have. What should I do? He is really cool and I don't want to lose him as a friend, but I would love to see him as more than that in the future. Help me please!!

Dang girl,lighten up on the rush you say he didn't"t try to make a move on you but you went after him and went back for more,being a man,the impression that would give me is if you"re that easy with me you must really have been around,just back off and see what happens,let him come to you,the more you pressure him the further away he is going to be.

The more doubts you have, the more you feel that it's a risk that you're wasting your time. If the cons outweigh the pros, then don't waste your time. But if you expect to have a perfect relationship, then you're setting yourself up for disappointment.

Relationships also take hard work. The important part is for both of you to be on the same page. It's not looking like you're on the same page as he's not looking for anything serious and you are.

Even if things are going well between the two of you, it doesn't mean that you will end up together. There's never a guarantee when it comes to relationships. The questions is, are you willing to take the risk to find out where the relationship leads?

You shouldn't be asking how to make him more exclusive... you should be asking how to make yourself less vested...

And I'm soooo not slamming you at all... I love the chase. Its fun and exciting. And the only thing sexier than a confident woman is a confident woman interested in me... that might sound dumb or piggish or whatever... I don't know... I find confidence sexy and I find attention sexy. Two of my Great Loves were women I liked well enough as friends but it jumped to the next level when I sensed their interest...

And isn't that what you are talking about, at least in part?

That connection... that focus... that interest... it can be addictive.

And I think you are in a little too deep for a guy that likes you but who isn't ready for anything too serious... you shouldn't try to make him be anything he isn't... it doesn't work like that. He isn't ready for you...

Call yourself "too dangerous" for him.

He just isn't ready. And anything you might do to "force him" into being more exclusive is not likely to last... and could very well end up with more anger and ugly than potential good.

I'm sorry... I get that you have some connection. I have a "lost love" down in san antonio. She is awesome. But the timing was bad. I played the part of you... she played the part of your uncertain boy. I think if we'd met a couple of years later, she'd have been ready for me... I don't regret walking away when it was clear I was just too far in for what she was ready to offer.

Glad you wrote in here. Hope this helps. Keep posting your thoughts on the matter. There are always angles and avenues that aren't necessarily apparent.

I guess if there's anything you can do... its to back off... state interest... and avoid neediness.

If he isn't willing to chase you hard... well... is he worth it? I think you deserve to be chased... and not just to the bedroom early on.

This is something allot of people do on their early ages. Commitment in any form is a hard thing and he could be scared and might be thinking what is there between you two or if he really wants something more serious on his early 20s. He was not the one who made a move on you first, you were. Best advice I can give you is just give him space. If he really wants to be with you then he will come back. In the meantime do other stuff that are more important.

Best of luck


You found someone new that your really into unlucky for you he is not that into you. If he liked you in that way he would go for it. If your really into him just be patient and give him space don't hover him and be impatient. If he just wants to be friends learn to respect his wishes.

Running head first into a brick wall is not the way to see what on the other side. Slow down and be a lot less aggressive, and available so you don't bust your head wide open. What's the freaking hurry? Do it right, or what's the point?