Ask Me Help Desk - Is it over

My name is Nichole. I am 19 years old. I was recently in a realationship for about 2 years, his name was Sean. We moved out together and realized we had different wants and needs and desires about how the apartment should be. I wasn't a party type of person at all and that's all he wanted to do. It came to the point that we would fight every day about this one thing and the fights would always blow way out of control. He kicked me out about 3 months into living there. I was crushed. We had the perfect realationship. Well he still talked to me and would say the same things I love you and miss you. So I kept holding. But I got tired of the games. So I started hanging out with my friend Kaitlyn, she would call him and ask him questions about him and. Long story short. She slept with him behind my back. He told me a couple days after it happened. I was so horrible crushed. NOt only was I still in love with him. I was 3 months pregnant with his baby. He said that it made him realize how he felt about me and blah blah blah. I forgave him and told him that I wasn't ready to be with him but I would like to try and move forward. It is harder and harder every day. He recently lost the apartment and moved in with his brother. All they do is party. He never comes and sees me, when he does everything is okay. I am now 7 months pregnant and nothing has changed. His friends come first, his partying. I keep telling myself give him time. We talk on the phone maybe once a day about 5 minutes and he never wants to come see me. I know there is no other girl ( well I hope there isnt) but in the back of my head I wonder. I mean he was able to do it once before. What's stopping him now. I know I should let him go. But sometimes I miss him so much it hurts. I lost all my friends after we broke up and the ones I do have spend there time rubbing in my face how perfect there realationship is. This war between him and I has taken a toll on my pregnancy. I have only gained 6lbs and my stress level is to high. I don't ask for much from him. Just time. He says he wants to be with me then why does he treat me this way. Sometimes I wonder if he really loves me or is just in fear that I will take the baby from him. I won't do that. I know how much I am going to need his help. I just don't want this to keep going on. Its like as soon as we see each other everything is okay. We fall back in love. But then we don't see each other and its hell. I am so confused. If we end it, how will we ever end it if our feelings are still there and still strong. So my question is this. How do I get over someone that I have to keep in contact with knowing that there's a chance that I will never love anyone the way I love him.
Please help me.

Nichole, I am so sorry you have to go through this pregnancy in this way. It is not healthy for you or the baby.

Let me explain that this is not love. He does not love you. If he did, then you and your child would be first in his life. Understand that men and women mature at different rates. While you are mature, he is still a boy.

Quote:

Originally Posted by binxbooger

We fall back in love.

Nichole, you fall back in love, he falls back in lust. Trust me, you are young. You will surely find someone that you actually love even more, someone that is mature and is willing to take on responsibilities.

Quote:

Originally Posted by binxbooger

I know there is no other girl

Are you sure about this? Isn't this what you thought when he was sleeping with your "friend?"

Quote:

Originally Posted by binxbooger

It came to the point that we would fight every day about this one thing and the fights would always blow way out of control. He kicked me out about 3 months into living there. I was crushed. We had the perfect realationship.

This is very contradictory. I did not realize that fights like this happened in a perfect relationship. This is far from a perfect relationship.

For the sake of your baby you need to drop him. He and his partying friends are stressing you out WAY too much!! You have only gained 6lbs?:eek: What does your doctor say about this?

Quote:

Originally Posted by binxbooger

His friends come first, his partying.

This is not likely to change in the near future.

Right now you need to stop concentrating on this loser and start concentrating on your baby. He can take care of himself, but your baby cannot.

I agree with J_9! But I must 'spread the something or other before I can rate that answer' LOL

But yeah this guy is still immature! You need to focus on having a healthy baby. You said something about him thinking you will take the baby... well at least he wants it, and hopefully will help take care of it.

No offense, but as I was reading this I pictured Brittany Spears with her Federline guy... Her having babies and him out partying... and that dude has 4 kids with 2 baby moma's! I know that's an exaggeration... but really now, your guy is still out drinking and partying, he doesn't want to be 'strapped down' he is not ready to deal with a family life.

I encourage you to put all your love for him into yourself and your baby and just focus on bringing your child into this life with health and love. That's about all you can do right now. The father should be in the child's life, but its not something you can force onto him. Possibly the birth will bring him around and he may want to change his lifestyle, but don't depend on it.

I am not sure what to say about him and the other girl... that was just straight scandalous of her... she had no respect for you... that pisses me off.

I must sign off now, but I wish you the very best of luck, and would like to hear what happens down the toad..

If the relationship was perfect you wouldn't fight everyday and you'd still be there. Unfortunately you are tied to this man (?) through your child for a long time so do what you must to bring a healthy child into the world, and don't let his lies of love keep you from handling your business, as far a child support goes. Whether he grows to be a man and handles his business is a thing only a psychic can know so don't count on him, just you. I can only wish you and your baby good health, and prayer.

Quote:

Originally Posted by binxbooger

My name is Nichole. I am 19 years old. I was recently in a realationship for about 2 years, his name was Sean. We moved out together and realized we had different wants and needs and desires about how the apartment should be. I wasn't a party type of person at all and thats all he wanted to do. It came to the point that we would fight every day about this one thing and the fights would always blow way out of control. He kicked me out about 3 months into living there. I was crushed. We had the perfect realationship. Well he still talked to me and would say the same things I love you and miss you. So I kept holding. But I got tired of the games. So I started hanging out with my friend Kaitlyn, she would call him and ask him questions about him and. Long story short. She slept with him behind my back. He told me a couple days after it happened. I was so horrible crushed. NOt only was i still in love with him. I was 3 months pregnant with his baby. He said that it made him realize how he felt about me and blah blah blah. I forgave him and told him that i wasnt ready to be with him but I would like to try and move foward. It is harder and harder every day. He recently lost the apartment and moved in with his brother. All they do is party. He never comes and sees me, when he does everything is okay. I am now 7 months pregnant and nothing has changed. His friends come first, his partying. I keep telling myself give him time. We talk on the phone maybe once a day about 5 minutes and he never wants to come see me. I know there is no other girl ( well i hope there isnt) but in the back of my head i wonder. I mean he was able to do it once before. whats stopping him now. I know i should let him go. But sometimes i miss him so much it hurts. I lost all my friends after we broke up and the ones i do have spend there time rubbing in my face how perfect there realationship is. This war between him and I has taken a toll on my pregnancy. I have only gained 6lbs and my stress level is to high. I dont ask for much from him. Just time. He says he wants to be with me then why does he treat me this way. Sometimes i wonder if he really loves me or is just in fear that i will take the baby from him. I wont do that. I know how much i am going to need his help. I just dont want this to keep going on. Its like as soon as we see each other everything is okay. We fall back in love. But then we dont see each other and its hell. I am so confused. If we end it, how will we ever end it if our feelings are still there and still strong. So my question is this. How do I get over someone that I have to keep in contact with knowing that theres a chance taht i will never love anyone the way i love him.
Please help me.

To let everyone know. My realationship has gone no where. He says he loves me and there is no one else yet he doesn't want to come and see me. I am getting to the point that when he calls me and hangs up on me I call back. They ignore my phone call and I call back. I know it makes me look physco. I just want to ring his neck when he acts so horrible to me. Today he stopped by for one of his 5 minute visits. I was so angry for the situtuation that had happened the day before. I wanted him to realize how wrong it was and it was crossing a line. I wasn't rude. In fact more emotional than anything. He was nothing but cruel and nasty to me. Saying that I made him treat me this way. I am a simple girl. I don't ask for anything but time from him. I don't want to raise my baby on my own but I will if he doenst change. Yesterday I had to call my doctor because I noticed a huge decline in my daughters movement. I called his brothers cell (thats where he staying) and told his brother. Come to find out later Sean had never went to work. He never even called because he was to scared about my reaction about missing work. I wouldn't have cared. I don't have to depend on him. But through out the night I was trying to get ahold of him and he ignored me and had his friends answer and lie. Then I called one last time to let him know that nothing was getting better and one of his friends answered and started calling me horrible names and saying that Sean doesn't want me and just things that I didn't want or deserve to hear. Come to find out Sean was right there and allowed everything to be said. I was crushed. Not about that. But the fact that he didn't care about what his daughter was doing. He didn't care that something could have been wrong. I hate my life and I hate how its become. He has this hook on me and I don't know why. I love my baby and I love Sean. I want things to work so bad. I guess I hold on to who he used to be. Sometimes when I look at him, I see that old Sean and it makes me miss him more and more. Maybe not seeing him would be best. But in 3 months you can't get over someone. Ecspecially when you were together so long and he was the biggest part of my life. Love stinks. I miss the beginning. LOL. The liklyness of us working is its not going to work. But still we both don't give in. Maybe its habbit. My question is. How do you let go but make it to where if they change they can come back? I want to be with him. But I need him to change. Dumping him would make it "over." My fear is he won't care. I don't want to know that he is doing great without me. It would hurt too much. Because I do need him. IDk. I don't know what to do or where to start. Focusing on the baby I try. But that still leaves me missing him because you don't think about your baby 24/7 when she's settled in your tummy. Your mind wonders. I don't work, I don't start classes for a few weeks and I just have no destractions. I lost all my friends so its always on my mind. I need help. I wish Sean would just leave town and make things easier. But nope not my luck.

Quote:

Originally Posted by binxbooger

My name is Nichole. I am 19 years old. I was recently in a realationship for about 2 years, his name was Sean. We moved out together and realized we had different wants and needs and desires about how the apartment should be. I wasn't a party type of person at all and thats all he wanted to do. It came to the point that we would fight every day about this one thing and the fights would always blow way out of control. He kicked me out about 3 months into living there. I was crushed. We had the perfect realationship. Well he still talked to me and would say the same things I love you and miss you. So I kept holding. But I got tired of the games. So I started hanging out with my friend Kaitlyn, she would call him and ask him questions about him and. Long story short. She slept with him behind my back. He told me a couple days after it happened. I was so horrible crushed. NOt only was i still in love with him. I was 3 months pregnant with his baby. He said that it made him realize how he felt about me and blah blah blah. I forgave him and told him that i wasnt ready to be with him but I would like to try and move foward. It is harder and harder every day. He recently lost the apartment and moved in with his brother. All they do is party. He never comes and sees me, when he does everything is okay. I am now 7 months pregnant and nothing has changed. His friends come first, his partying. I keep telling myself give him time. We talk on the phone maybe once a day about 5 minutes and he never wants to come see me. I know there is no other girl ( well i hope there isnt) but in the back of my head i wonder. I mean he was able to do it once before. whats stopping him now. I know i should let him go. But sometimes i miss him so much it hurts. I lost all my friends after we broke up and the ones i do have spend there time rubbing in my face how perfect there realationship is. This war between him and I has taken a toll on my pregnancy. I have only gained 6lbs and my stress level is to high. I dont ask for much from him. Just time. He says he wants to be with me then why does he treat me this way. Sometimes i wonder if he really loves me or is just in fear that i will take the baby from him. I wont do that. I know how much i am going to need his help. I just dont want this to keep going on. Its like as soon as we see each other everything is okay. We fall back in love. But then we dont see each other and its hell. I am so confused. If we end it, how will we ever end it if our feelings are still there and still strong. So my question is this. How do I get over someone that I have to keep in contact with knowing that theres a chance taht i will never love anyone the way i love him.
Please help me.

Do you want him back? Do you trust him??

Love is there yes, if you want him back it requires a long way for you to walk cause I don't see him changing. If you get to back together I see you Thinking what's he doing ? Where is he now ? Is he honest`? You may have a second chance but it requires both of you. If he cares he will agree with you. I see him leaving for a while so this may help to see things clearer for you and him.