I have been with my boyfriend for the last 5 years of my life. I was 17 when we got together and we broke up a year later and then got back together in a month.
My problem is this; I feel absolutely villainous.
I never wanted this to happen but now that I finally let it out I realized that I actually did want this. I mean, I didn't want to hurt him or have it be so sudden but I just can't handle it anymore. There were so many things that made me unhappy for so long and yet I stayed. Of course that made me even less happy to the point where I was seriously considering cheating. I know. I'm terrible.
I'm surprised at how I feel. I feel that even though this is horrible I am doing the right thing. I just want to be happy and talking to him never worked much longer than the moment in which I addressed the issues. I just feel as if it's too late and it breaks my heart when he calls in a hysteria begging for another chance.
I simply can't do it. I want to... because it would be easier but I need to stop. I need to take care of myself.
I feel like I've slowly been losing myself and now I don't even know who I am anymore. It scares the crap out of me and I'm scared now too but this way I know that I did this for my wellbeing. I feel completely selfish and this sounds even more so but I am sick of trying to make someone else happy for so long when it wasn't enough. I want to make me happy now.
I'm just having a hard time sticking to my guns and not giving into his emotions. Please... anything will help. I would greatly appreciate it. Thank you.

You can't be with someone to make them happy if it makes you unhappy. You're not some sort of sacrifice! Of course a good person will feel upset about hurting someone else, but you can't avoid that if the alternative is to stay living in a situation that is making you hurt so much.

You need to tell him it is absolutely over then insist on no further contact between you.Tell him that you both need to move on. This is not only for your benefit but is the best way to give him the chance to get over it too. While you keep talking to him it just keeps him coming back thinking there is a chance. Cut him loose completely, he will get over it in time.

Break up with him, and go No Contact. That means NO
Phone calls
Texts
Emails
Facebook
Myspace
Cell phone
Skype
IM
Yahoo
EVERYTHING has to be blocked. Read the stickies and posts here by others in your situation, and see how this is done.

I think you made the right choice. Stick to it and walk away with no contact.
It is 'all about you' at this point, you need to heal yourself and start fresh.
I don't know the details of the relationship, but if you are unhappy... you need to move on. Please,:) for your own good

Thank you all so much. I know I need to and I have been ignoring him but he just won't stop. I feel like when I say "I can't do this anymore" and "I need to be alone" he takes it as something totally different. He keeps hope and tells me he will change but in my heart I know that's not really going to happen.
I just hate this. But you're all right. I need to move on for me. Thanks again.


Btw... I realized I was slightly unclear. Maybe this will change what you guys think but there was a catalyst to my decision. I didn't cheat but I did have some feelings for someone else which made me want to be single even more than before. He's out of the picture now but I feel like it was all meant to happen. I feel horrible but like its somehow cosmically right. Thanks again you guys help more than you know.

I think everyone here is right and I think it's time to move on. It's OK to feel bad about breaking up with someone, that's normal, it means you care. It would be more concerning if after being with someone for so long it didn't bother you at all. I understand he's out of the picture now, so don't worry. You did the right thing.

While you may think that what you are going through now is confusing, it is really a blessing that you are in a position to change your life. Taking control of yourself and your decisions and where you want to go, is not being selfish, it is being brutally honest with yourself.

You have had five years with this man, and that has been plenty of time to really think about a commitment that will, at this point, lead to marriage, kids, a mortgage, car payments, etc. You have an opportunity to take on the world by yourself, under your own steam, without being dragged down by an incompatible mate in a dead end relationship.

That you are at the point where other men and relationships are worth considering, is also a sign that you are ready to move on. If the relationship you are in now had been five wonderful years of building a foundation with a man you wanted to spend the rest of your life with, you would not even be considering other possibilities. Also a blessing in a way.

There are freedoms that you can really only thouroughly enjoy, and there are also only certain times in your life where you have the opportunities to do so.

Say you stay, and are aware with a certain degree of experience with this man, what the next five years will be like. The next ten. The next 20. Do you think things will ever be what you need them to be?

If I were you, I'd put my wings on, and fly out of there faster than a 747.

Take charge of your life, call your own shots, enjoy what gifts will come your way, and never look back.

Quote:

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Originally Posted by Jake2008

While you may think that what you are going through now is confusing, it is really a blessing that you are in a position to change your life. Taking control of yourself and your decisions and where you want to go, is not being selfish, it is being brutally honest with yourself.

You have had five years with this man, and that has been plenty of time to really think about a committment that will, at this point, lead to marriage, kids, a mortgage, car payments, etc. You have an opportunity to take on the world by yourself, under your own steam, without being dragged down by an incompatable mate in a dead end relationship.

That you are at the point where other men and relationships are worth considering, is also a sign that you are ready to move on. If the relationship you are in now had been five wonderful years of building a foundation with a man you wanted to spend the rest of your life with, you would not even be considering other possibilities. Also a blessing in a way.

There are freedoms that you can really only thouroughly enjoy, and there are also only certain times in your life where you have the opportunities to do so.

Say you stay, and are aware with a certain degree of experience with this man, what the next five years will be like. The next ten. The next 20. Do you think things will ever be what you need them to be?

If I were you, I'd put my wings on, and fly outta there faster than a 747.

Take charge of your life, call your own shots, enjoy what gifts will come your way, and never look back.

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Wow. I really needed that. I woke up today feeling pretty weak and that really built me up again. I'm just so scared of giving in to him but I am going to be strong. Thank you so much.