How can I stand my ground but not hurt him at the same time?
I have been with my boyfriend for the last 5 years of my life. I was 17 when we got together and we broke up a year later and then got back together in a month.
My problem is this; I feel absolutely villainous.
I never wanted this to happen but now that I finally let it out I realized that I actually did want this. I mean, I didn't want to hurt him or have it be so sudden but I just can't handle it anymore. There were so many things that made me unhappy for so long and yet I stayed. Of course that made me even less happy to the point where I was seriously considering cheating. I know. I'm terrible.
I'm surprised at how I feel. I feel that even though this is horrible I am doing the right thing. I just want to be happy and talking to him never worked much longer than the moment in which I addressed the issues. I just feel as if it's too late and it breaks my heart when he calls in a hysteria begging for another chance.
I simply can't do it. I want to... because it would be easier but I need to stop. I need to take care of myself.
I feel like I've slowly been losing myself and now I don't even know who I am anymore. It scares the crap out of me and I'm scared now too but this way I know that I did this for my wellbeing. I feel completely selfish and this sounds even more so but I am sick of trying to make someone else happy for so long when it wasn't enough. I want to make me happy now.
I'm just having a hard time sticking to my guns and not giving into his emotions. Please... anything will help. I would greatly appreciate it. Thank you.