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Hi all,
My boyfriend and I just broke up for a month now.. and I haven't talk or text for three weeks but after thanksgiivng we started to talk again.. he says he doesn't know what he want and he's confused. He's telling me to give him time and space.. but I've been like calling him so much that I think he's annoyed. So what do I do to get him back? Because I think I'm driving him farther away
The best advise for you is to go on with your life. If he sees you enjoying your life without the fixation of him, a relationship with you may look more appealing to him.
Having your happiness depend solely on the being of another is very intimidating to most people.
Hang out with your friends and enjoy your life. If he chooses to come back then great, but remember... A healthy relationship begins when you include another in your life, not by making that person your WHOLE life.
It's simply too much pressure...
Just keep it cool... Go have some fun. Let your personality shine! If not this guy, you will surely catch the eye of another.
Best wishes,
Kae
Truthfully the best thing to do is give him space... If the constant calling isn't working try a new approach.Playing hard to get really works.Give him what he wants if it's meant to be it will be.Quote:
Originally Posted by baby_girl333
Quote:
Originally Posted by baby_girl333
Yes you are pushing him away. It is really good that you see this. Now you need to work on giving him the space he is asking for. You need to think of him first and just understand that he has a lot of pressure on him... he wants time to think things through. The more time you give him the better he will be able to deal with whatever is troubling him. If you keep calling and pushing him he is going to get fed up and just want you to leave him alone all together... then that's it...
Just give him time... and take the time for yourself as well. Try not to worry about it so much. Stop calling him.. let him call you. Trust me he will. He obviously cares about you if he is asking for time to think... if he didn't care he wouldn't be talking to you at all... GIVE HIM TIME... I would say don't call him for at least 2-3 days... and don't let yourself sit by the phone waiting.. occupy your time doing other things so you don't keep getting yourself worked up about it.:)
If you get frustrated or the urge to call, just come here and vent it all out! Or read about other peoples problems/questions... it helps to forget your own.. hehe:p
Best of Luck
Don't contact him - cut it off now. Believe me I know.
People Want What They Can't Have - he has you.
Let him come to you. If you give him time it sounds like there is a good chance for him to come back.
+ he is only part of your life - not your life.
The others said it best!!
Give this man room to breath..
By contacting him constantly against his wishes (he told you to give him space and time) you are suffocating him.
He needs his own space for now.
Maybe there is a chance for you and him, not if you continue this pressure by contacting him. Like wildcat said, he should be part of your life, not your life!
Makes sense!
This whole answer is founded on two beliefs: 1. That when one partner asks the other partner to "wait", that waiting period should be defined (ie, two weeks, a month, two months, etc) since waiting indefinitely not knowing is truly too painful for anyone. 2. There isn't a more important time for really clear communications than there is in this stage of a relationship. Now is the time to say what you mean and mean what you say.
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Babygirl:
I understand he has asked for both "time and space". Asking for time and space is not the same as saying its over, in my book. Do not use your confusion about this to suffocate him just because you miss him sooooo much-- that is both selfish and juvenile. Since you don't understand what he is asking, contact him only to ask him to clarify it and really listen. If necessary, ask him directlly if he wants you to wait for him.
If he is asking you to wait for him, then you have two choices - do that and really give him the space he's asked for by asking him how long should you wait or make it clear you are not willing to wait like that and move on. Only he can tell you if he wants you to wait for him.
If he does not want you to wait for him, then it's a permanent break up, you need to realise that its over and treat him accordingly.
Its really as simple as that unless you are into playing head games. Frankly, from what you've posted here its hard to tell which it is! So I tried to list every possible arrangement it could be. Its up to you to decide which one fits the best since you know more details than any of us. I hope this was helpful.
I understand where Val is coming from here. She is basically saying that you need clarification as to what he means by space and time. There is a difference between a separation and a break-up.Quote:
Originally Posted by valinors_sorrow
A separation should be viewed more as time off where you both spend some time apart with a view to reconcile once you have sorted through your feelings.
A break-up is more of a permanent thing with no view to reconcile in the future.
You need clarification as to which category your situation falls into so that you can get closure if you need to (if it is a break-up).
I did not actually think of this difference before but I think Val is right - - There is a difference.
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