Business trips take me and some co-workers out of town on a fairly regular basis. One particular night we all decided to go out to dinner then to a local hot spot where I met a really nice girl. We hit it off pretty quickly and quickly consumed one drink after another together as the night progressed. It reached the point where it was clear we developed some romantic feelings(alcahol induced I'm sure). Toward the end of the night both of us were heavily intoxicated and our inhibitions were significantly lowered. We ended up kissing a couple of times. She wanted to take it further but my conscience kicked in through clouded judgment and I put a stop to any thing else. Here's the problem, I have been married for 3 years to a wonderful girl who I love very much!! I didn't even realize how far things had progressed until it was too late. I've felt tortured inside for weeks now and I know if I hadn't been drinking so much this wouldn't have happened. I don't plan on letting myself loose control like that again. Is this really cheating or just a dumb mistake I should keep on the DL. I don't want to loose her and I don't believe this warrants an end to a potentially highly successful & happy marriage. I have never done anything like this before! Someone help!

It was a mistake and it was cheating
1. before you were drunk you went to a hot spot and meet a girl,
That is cheating just to start with, since a happy married man does not start drinking with a "nice girl" at a hot spot. ( or was it a hot girl at a nice place)
2. you continued to drink and starting having feelings. ( I will not go as for as "romance" but lets leave it at feelings)

It does not have to end your marriage, but what are you doing to make sure it does not happen
3. stopping drinking and getting drunk sounds like one good start

Is it cheating? That will depend on who you ask. Do you think your wife would think it were cheating? After all, that is all that really matters.

Chalk it up to a series of stupid mistakes... the first one being in the situation of starting to drink with someone you were attracted to in the first place. Best to avoid allowing yourself to be in that situation to begin with. Recognize an attraction and then move on. Might be a good idea to know when to stop with the drinks as well for future reference. Not only for personal reasons but it is in bad form from a business sense as well.

Is there anyway your wife could hear about it since you were out with co-workers? Anyway at all? If so, it might come better from you before she gets wind of anything. You can keep it to a minimum... wow, drank too much, some girl gave me a kiss, and I backed off and was out of there type of thing.

Hope you can ease your conscience knowing it was not intentional, you weren't out looking for it to happen... even though, as Fr_Chuck said, it was not the brightest move to go to such a location in the first place and strike up a conversation and drinks with another woman.

Yes, it was cheating. But if you are truly happy with your wife and want to keep your marriage, I would suggest that you don't do it again. If drinking lowers your inhibitions that much, then avoid situations where you are put in a similar position. As previously suggested, you could not drink. Or, you could go out and drink, but do not have involved, intoxicated conversations alone with women who are not your wife.

Thanks all! It sucks hearing something you don't want to but there is truth to what you are saying. To further clarify, I didn't start alone with her, we both had our respective groups of friends at the start but those tapered off as the night went on! We had all went, just to have some drinks and blow off steam after an (uncharacteristically) difficult week.

My co-workers have no idea it happened (thank God). Yes, I am happy with my wife & no things aren't perfect but I don't want anyone else. Im not a big drinker either so one might say Im a bit of a lightweight.

I know my wife doesn't have problems with me "talking" to other girls, but I'm pretty certain she would have drawn the line at what happened. I welcome further feedback and suggestions about how to deal with this internally. Thanks again!

Its probably best if you don't say anything to her about it, just work on yourself and focus on not letting this become a repeat incident! You obviously love your wife but you may have a wondering eye problem. I understand it all too well! Focus one what you find attractive in your wife and try to expand on it while resolving and filling any holes that plague your relationship. Guilt will come naturally because you love her but it will fade as your relationship improves. I hope this helps you!

Buddy, take the lessons of this experience and be warned that maybe you should be careful what you do and how you do it, because next time you may not be so fortunate as to get away with foolish, bad behavior, and honestly using alcohol as an excuse is pure BS!!

Appreciate you dodged a big bullet, and conduct yourself a lot more responsibly.

Cheating or not, your wife is the only one who can punish whatever you do wrong, but if I were you, I wouldn't test her love.

If I had a dollar for every time I've read on this forum about a marriage or a relationship being ruined by a night of drinking and ifidelity, I would be a rich woman.

Married men or women are not supposed to go out and get drunk and end up kissing another woman or man.. that is cheating.

If your wife were in the same position as you were.. How would you react? It's not a good idea for married people to get drunk especially when they are on a business trip alone. It usually ends up with fighting or in some cases infidelity.

Shame on you.

Very judgemental and counter productive kitkat. Have you ever been in this person's situation? Have you ever had to contend with yourself when you are not in complete control? Alcohol is proven to lower inhibitions and elevate emotions.
Yes this guy puts himself in a compromising situation and no his actions should not be condoned. However he's asking for advice, he's not asking for people to to berate him ,he is doing that to himself enough. I hate how people like you love to shake a finger and don't know jack about what its like to be in that situation. If you have been in this situation and decide to judge spirit then shame on YOU!
IF you can't offer CONSTRUCTIVE criticism then maybe you shouldn't offer your opinion on this forum. Endangeredspirit, a REAL christian and confidant would tell you to "go forth and sin no more" -Jesus. If you need to get counseling to help you get through this then DO IT! You and esp. your wife deserve the best of your efforts. Try not to let bitter ex-housewives get you down.


Edited Fr Chuck
*** I may get some heat for this, but since this was the OP and they were warned about it, I still find it so funny that they pretended to be someone else to try and protect their actions. So I reinstated the orginal post.

I gave an opinion and I have a right. You have two post. Take a look at alcohol and the damage it has done to families whose lives have been ruined. Not only by infidelity, but by drunk drivers and children being abused by a drunken parent. You have your opinion and I have mine. I'm not Jesus not even close. I do know how it feels to be cheated on by a drunk. So you state your opinion and I will state mine.

I was going to delete the above post, and another moderator may think me wrong for leaving it, but the same poster who asked the question must not have liked the answers they where getting, so they logged on with another user name, pretending to be someone else, to try and act like what they did was OK.

This is so sad, so pitiful it is past funny.