Ask Me Help Desk - Ok, what to do?

Well if I haven't posted enough already that you will just think I am a nut but... So I have two beautiful children, my daughter (9) & my son (7). I have a crazy X wife, crazy, (no not the same one that wants to see me). We had an ugly divorice which didn't/doesn't have to be that way. We were married for 7 years and all was great until... We had our daughter and she started to get mean. I figured it was just postpardom but it lasted for over a year. We then got pregnant again and lost the child, she got worse, again I thought postpardom / depression etc... then within 6 months we got pregnant and had my son, she got even worse. So lets go back to We had our daughter. We went back to my home town to see my parents and let them see her. We have a cabin on a lake. Well we were outside (night) and I was holding my daughter as she was crying, my mother came and said she would take her for a bit, fine right. Well again it was dark and my mom walked to where it was darker just because she was walking her, and my daughter cried louder. Well come to find out she doesn't really like the dark, or at least that is what my X said. The X came flying out of the cabin screaming, grabbed my daughter and proceeded to yell at my mother and they argued about EVERYTHING for like an hour. It was horrible. I had to finally grab her and take them to a hotel. Went back the next day my mom "mom'd" up for her son and said that she was allowed back in as I am her son. Horrible. Move forward to when my son was born. My parents decided they would give her another chance. My mom came down to visit and I would get calls at work from the x about how horrible my mom is (not even close to being true) then I find out my mom is spending the entire day in her room because of how mean the X is and she is calling my dad crying. Horrible. My parents decide to try again and they both come down. It's so bad my dad has to leave before he has a stroke. NOW we are divoriced (have been for a long time). The 1st year I had the kids every weekend, then it was every other the 2nd year. Then she took them and just moved to costa rica for 8 months. Then finally came back and I got to see my kids once! She brought them over one other time, dropped them off and while I was making popcorn and getting ready to watch a movie with them she came back and took them. This was horrible. My kids were extremely upset and crying and my daughter did not want to go but I had to reassure her how much daddy loved her, I didn't want to make the situation worse in front of my children as I think that is horrible! I have not been allowed to see them since! 2 years now. I have no rights to the kids as when we filed divorice she "played" me as I thought we were splitting everything up etc... we she filed default and took EVERYTHING. I have tried to go to family court but nothing seems to work in this god aweful state. EVERYONE including her family thinks this is wrong. What do I do? All I really want is to see my kids. I was told by a complete stranger once that my daughter knew, and she would be back and she would bring my son. I didn't know this person from anything. She touched my hat, got a tear in her eye, said come her I must tell you something and that came out of her mouth. She was even able to describe what they looked like. What do I do

Take her to court. If you live in the U.S. and the courts have ordered shared custody, then she had no legal right to move out of state with the kids. Unfortunately, the courts will often place the children in mother's care (they are usually skewed towards the women), but get a good lawyer and you should be able to force her to stay in the state or within a decent distance of you so that the kids are not deprived.

Though this may not give you much solace now, I can tell you this from experience. I was a child in a similar position, and I remember what my mom did, and will never forgive her for not allowing me to spend time with my father when I was a child. She did not seem to realize that while she may have deprived my father of time with me, she also hurt her own children. The kids are the ones who are the ones who are ultimately punished in situations like this, not just the parents.

Think I like you, 2 great answers. Me being deprived I obviously care about but its more for my kids. We had a great relationship! I appologize for your loss, just know most fathers with a choice will take their kids. Again, she stripped my rights

You can have anything changed in the courts, you just need a good lawyer.

I too have seen many divorced fathers who get in touch with their kids after they get old enough to do so on their own.

Seems to be more the rule than the exception, when children get older.

Keep sending them cards and letters often, whether the ex passes them on or not. You still have to do your part.

If you decide to do something about this don't give up or back off. This time is so short, you may not get the chance to have a relationship with you children as adults You must be brave.

I need to do something. Everything I have tried doesn't work. I have tried just talking to her and that really doesn't work. I don't want the kids going through this and I know that they know, or I hope that they know, what is going on. I still have their easter baskets from last year! Every time I try to do something she lashes back and things just get worse, honestly at this point I am kind of scared of her making things worse, she makes my life a living hell -- still!

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QUOTE by saintorsinner;
I need to do something. Everything I have tried doesn't work.

She will never let you do things your way. That is totally over and out of the question. You need a lawyer because you get no where on your own.

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I have tried just talking to her and that really doesn't work.

Stop talking to her.

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I don't want the kids going through this and I know that they know, or I hope that they know, what is going on.

Going through what, her always trashing your plan, not letting you get what you want, not cooperating for the sake of the kids??

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I still have their easter baskets from last year!

Keep them, and any other momentos of them.

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Every time I try to do something she lashes back and things just get worse, honestly at this point I am kind of scared of her making things worse, she makes my life a living hell -- still!

Back off and get peace of mind. Ever think you remedy is with the law, and not her? I know, you blame the state but don't, blame your lawyer, and get another one. As far as she goes, leave her alone except for court ordered visitations, and if she balks, document it every time. Keep sending the kids letters, and document that too.

You think you can deal with her on a logical adult level? You cannot, so don't try. Until you know how to fight, you will always get creamed.

Get yourself a good lawyer and work with her via the law.
Sounds like your wife may have some kind of psychosis.

You can't undo anything now, but if you know your wife was unstable why did you keep getting her pregnant?
Postpartum is real and she may have denied it put it was plain to see and subsequent pregnancies didn't help.

Get a lawyer and fight to see your kids.
I wish you well.

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You can't undo anything now, but if you know your wife was unstable why did you keep getting her pregnant?
Postpartum is real and she may have denied it put it was plain to see and subsequent pregnancies didn't help.

Guess I really didn't think that she was really unstable. I do have to say that my mom did say, on many occasions, that she needed to be on something because she is crazy. Should have listened.

Going through what, her always trashing your plan, not letting you get what you want, not cooperating for the sake of the kids??

Well I guess I mean not growing up with their father, not seeing their father or not knowing their father. It kills me

That's no excuse for you not taking the right actions. Get busy and cry later.