Ask Me Help Desk - Can I date a 19 y/o when I'm 14?

Can I date a 19 y/o when Im 14?

Ok so... in canada you can date somebody much older then you when you are 14.You can't have sex though.At 16 sex is legal then. We have been talking and texting for awhile.His dad is friends with my dad and so on.He asked if I would be comfortable dating him.. I said "idk" because I'm not sure what society would say.Im pretty level headed at my age(I know lots of people are going to be like,"no you just think you are") I have been through stuff probably most adults haven't. Im just asking what society thinks.

I would say that if a 19 year old wants to date a 14 year is close to a pediphile in my book. They would have nothing in common. And I doubt someone old enough to be in college would want to go to a JR high dance

While its not illegal to date, One has to wonder what a 19 yr old would see in a 14 yr old. This is very suspicious and I would stay away from dating him.

I think that is definitely not right, sorry.

I would question this MANS interested in a GIRL. However, if he is a GOOD person, and is respectfull enough to wait to pursue this relationship farther than some hand holding and spending time together going to the theater, than fine.

But again, back to the 'what if' he is still young, and in his sexual prime. You are 14, and just entering puberty which enflames the passions and desires of a young girls body. WHAT IF you are sitting on the coutch watching a movie innocently, but he (or you) kiss the other. Innocent enough. But then it continues. And you keep kissing. And then it continues, and so on and so fourth. Then he has broken the law. And if caught/convicted may be away from you in jail for a large amount of time.

Think about it hon. Look at it from all possible aspects. I'm glad you admire this man, and I am glad he SEEMs to respect you very much. But if you both care about each other enough, then WAIT. Its not like either of you are going anywhere.

Quote:

Originally Posted by tinkerpuff23

Im just asking what society thinks.

The majority of society would think it's wrong , a 14 year old girl is miles away from a 19 year old boy in so many facets. Also a 19 year old boy who wants to date a 14 year old girl just isn't right.

Enjoy your younger teen years without all the emotional turmoil dating brings with it , because you won't get them back.

If you were 19 and he was 25 then that seems a lot more reasonable.

It seems in your post you know what is legal and not legal.

What does your parents think of this, if they know?

Dating a 19 year old his going to ask a lot from you. Your only 14 don't know the world yet, heck you just got out from jr high and going to HS you don't know how the world is at this moment. Enjoy your youth cause you can't have it back. Date people your age, cause they think like you, and act like you.
Like what they said, His on his sexual drive right now, that means he would want to have sex in any way possible.

Quote:

Originally Posted by tinkerpuff23

I have been through stuff probally most adults havent.

Such as?

There is a very distinct difference between a 19 year old man, and a 14 year old girl.

Emotionally, physically, psychologically, sexually, biologically, morally, and emotionally.

I am more inclined to ask why he doesn't date people his own age- what's wrong with him that he needs to seek out a young teenager. Seriously, why does he not have girlfriend his own age. I would be asking the obvious- why you.

Think about the obvious. What would your friends and family think- have you asked them? When you want to hang out with your friends and go to a movie, would he fit in, or would a reasonable assumption be that he's your big brother, or chaperone? All your friends are on bicycles, and he drives a car. How would you feel with him not fitting in with your friends, and you having to give them up and then you'd find yourself hanging out with other 19 year olds, friends of his?

What do 19 year olds do? They drink, they party, they are sexually active, they go to college, many are home for the summer and live on their own most of the year at school, etc. How would you feel being such a fish out of water with friends of his being his age, or older, and far more mature?

If you are together you risk your relationship being the subject of questions. Does he fall within the criminal code for being sexually active with you? Is there an imbalance of power here, him over you? I'm not saying you are going to be sexually active, but head's will turn, and people will raise eyebrows.

You also have 2 years to go before it is 'legal' for you to have sex with someone. Are you going to be happy at arm's length for that time? Is it possible, or probable, that during that time he makes moves on you? How will you behave at a party when even the suggestion or impression of intimacy between the two of you could land him in jail. It is not just sex, it is sexual contact. Kissing is sexual contact in my book. On the lips- as in a lip lock. Necking, fondling, etc. also falls into that category.

Please don't throw away your youth. Think about how this will affect your social life, your prom, activities in school. So many things that you cannot turn back the clock on and re-live what you will eventually realize you have lost forever.

I am impressed that you are thinking about this seriously, because seriously, it is not a good thing for you, and I believe you will live to regret it.

I think so society thinks, that you should ask your parents. They are the law in your world.

As a dad, I would probably tell his dad to keep his 19 year old son away from my 14 year old daughter, if he wanted a 20 year old son!

I'm sorry, but when I was 19 I was not interested in "dating" a 14 year old. That's 7 years away from getting into a nightclub here. Not to mention, it's just wrong.

Something is not right with this guy. He is either preying on you, or he is very immature.

This is what you were looking for, our opinions, right? Now what are you going to do?

Is it too late? You say that you have been in correspondence with this guy for "a while".

Use that "level head", and go find someone closer to your own age.

Good luck.

:eek:

There is something wrong with a 19 year old boy who pursues a 14 year old girl. That is just wrong on a lot of levels.
I'd like to know if your parents know this young man is looking at you.

I'm sure you are feeling pretty flattered by this, but this boy is either off in the head or is sniffing fresh young meat. Either way, you need to steer clear.

The question is not can you date him but should you and the answer is NO!

I am not trying to start any arguments here, but I think a lot of the members giving advice are forgetting that tinkerpuff had said they have known each other for a long time, through family, and know each other very well. I know several instances where the boy IS interested in the younger girl.
BUT a responsible respectful boy who accually DOES care, would wait.
So the end response is still the same lol. Not old enough yet. If its still the same when she grows up, then fine.
But I think in a situation like this, its not always the boy being a perverted pedophile

She asked about dating this boy.
A 19 year old boy that asks a 14 year old girl if she wants to date him is suspect. They have been texting for a while, her dad knows his dad where is the knowing each other a long time, friend of the family thing?
He is texting a 14 year old and asking to date. Come on now!

He should asking to date someone his own age. He ought to be ashamed of himself!

Thanks to all of you guys who answered my questions.The things you were saying were the things going through my head. :why the hell is he asking me? " I mean sure I was flattered and all but really i am only 14..right?? FYI My parents do know about him and I do know he has a "sex drive" I mean duh! He is 19. So all I wanted was for you all to tell me what I was thinking so it was clear.. ya know

Quote:

Originally Posted by tinkerpuff23

Thanks to all of you guys who answered my questions.The things you were saying were the things going through my head. :why the hell is he asking me??" I mean sure I was flattered and all but really i am only 14..right?? FYI My parents do know about him and I do know he has a "sex drive" i mean duh! he is 19. So all I wanted was for you all to tell me what I was thinking so it was clear..ya know

Good for you. You are a smart girl.

I wish you the best. Boys will come along in your future soon enough. Boys your own age.

I agree that you are a very smart girl, and have acted upon the advice of others to help you make up your mind what to do.

I don't think anybody has made him out to be a sexual pervert or predator, the point was, the age gap, and the differences between development.

Inappropritate- absolutely.

Let's hope that he manages to find a girlfriend his own age, that is appropriate.

Your mom and dad have to be proud. I am.