Hii I'm a telugu,gal and in love with a punjabi guy, we both are hindu, but still don't know whether my parents wll agree or not, as we belong to different caste, plzz provide me tips to convince them in a much better way without hurting their sentiments. They are worried about what other people will say, I don't know what they(other people) have got to do with my marriage, plzz help, my boyfriend is going to singapore for his Phd for 4 yrs, and he wll be returning bac to india to marry me, he is sure that his parents will agree as he wll be settled till then, and my studies wll also get over. And wll be doing job, plzz help, my dad wants me to become independent so that if any problem comes you don't blame them,
I really don't know what to do, I really can't live without him, and he too, we were thinking of eloping if they don't get convinced, but this wll be a great sin, plzz help me, me in big problem of this bloddy, f.****g caste systems in india, plzzz help,me

Tanuja... (guest)

If I have read your post correctly, you have at least 4 years to convince your parents to allow you to marry this fellow, so that leaves a lot of time for them to be acquainted, and comfortable with the idea.

What worries me is that, after you both invest years in a relationship, and you both have finished your degrees, then you tell your parents of your true intentions, what happens then.

From my limited knowledge of these caste systems, marriage expectations, and heavy influence of families in decisions on marriage partners, I am wondering if you are not setting yourself up for a huge disappointment when they say 'no' to this man.

It is sad that the 'old ways' clash with modern society. You will both evolve into educated, informed, aware, independent adults. But still the ways of the past within your culture, can still play a very heavy influential role in your future. The future you have carved in the 'new' world.

All I can say from my perspective here in Canada, is I hope that by keeping this information from your parents, won't result in heartbreak for you. Is it better to know now where you stand, or later. Or is it better to wait, marry him by elopement, and risk losing your family.

I don't envy you your position.

Hey there,I can say that most parents want their children to be happy. Maybe that's why they forbid them from an intercaste or inter religion marriage. They think that because of culture clash and so on, this marriage might fail. However their greatest fear of all is who they are going to face the society, and I'm totally against this kind of attitude. I mean why do you have to care about anybody else's opinon when you are doing nothing wrong. I think that type of behaviour is absolutely foolish.I mean your children' s happiness is the most important thing of all.
And if the guy or girl would have had the same religion the parents would willingly accept this relationship, so why if they are of different religion can' they accept...
Parents, just think about it, you know there is nothing wrong in that, so why still care about 'what others would say'