Me and my boyfriend (ex) were together for nearly 2 years, I’m 21 and he is 19 after the first 9 months of our relationship we split up due to him being unfaithful to me on a night out, he had kissed another girl, we split up for 2 months and then got back together.
In the 2 months we were apart he was in a relationship with the girl he kissed on the night out.

I saw him and he told me how sorry he was and that he has never loved anybody as much as he loves me, he has realised that now he has been with someone else and he promised that he would NEVER do it again and that he doesn’t want to let me go Ever, he said it has taken me to be with someone else to actually realise how much you mean.

I gave him a second chance and were Happy again, but then after nearly 2 years, he starts saying he isn’t happy, we made it work and things just seemed to go on as normal and we used to have a laugh, but the he started to talk to other girls on Facebook and I was already really paranoid because of what had happened in the past.
This has been going on since Feb and I just let it brush under the carpet because I love him so much an I didn’t want to argue, I was used to him saying he didn’t think we were working but he’d say that and things would go on as normal.
Eg, He would still see me every day, I would still stay at his house, and we still went out for meals, Basically all the things we did whilst we were together.

But just lately he hasn’t got any time for me I see him something like every 3 days and he is offish with me, he still text me and I have contact with him every day and I find that some days he is OK with me and others he isn’t.
He has started texting another girl she is only 16, I can’t believe it but even when I found this out I have still been trying to see him and spend time with him.
I really really can’t let him go, I have tried so hard but I just can’t do it, I feel un-complete without him around.
I wrote him a letter and he read it and gave it me back, he didn’t even keep it! He said I do understand what you’re saying in the letter but what am I meant to do? Cause no matter what you say, it not going change anything
He said he doesn’t mind spending time with me but I just get the wrong idea.

He has said we will never get back together, (but he said all this the last time) but then he will still answer my calls, he will still text me back, he will still agree to see me sometimes, and he still calls me the things he did whilst we were together, I’m just soooo confused!
I have deleted his number but I know it off by heart so that doesn’t help, also his contract is in my name so I'm constantly checking throughout the day what he’s up to and who he’s been calling, I’m annoyed because I have to try my hardest to keep busy with my friends whilst he can just sit at home and not worry about anything.

I really really really don’t want to loose him, he means everything to me………Love is blind and there is not one person in this world I would be prepared to let him go for.

He said that we have tried to sort it out loads of times and it just never works, so what's the point? He said we are both far too young to be living with the stress and its will be better for both of us once I’m over him.

I heard the saying if you love someone set them free………but I just cant

HELP ME PLEASE!!

This guy does not deserve your time or love.

He cheated on you once before (that you know of), he got bored with the new girl and decided to come back to you (his safety blanket). Now it seems like he is trying to find a new girl to cheat with!

He also refuses to work with you in resolving any of the relationship issues. He is the one that broke the trust, he is the one that needs to work hard at fixing it.

His actions are not lining up with his words.

You need to go no contact and move on with your life. There are plenty of guys out there who won't cheat and don't have commitment issues.

You'll find someone soon who knows how to treat you right.

Trade that monkey for a man.

Good luck.

Quote:

---

Originally Posted by luvybugy1988

I have deleted his number but I know it off by heart so that doesn’t help, also his contract is in my name so im constantly checking throughout the day what he’s up to and who he’s been calling,

---

I hope you aren't paying for the phone as well as the contract being in your name. You need to change that. He needs to get his own phone in his own name. Make sure there is nothing else that ties you to him financially such as any other contracts or bills.

Then you need to go full No Contact of any type. No phone. No FaceBook. No MySpace. No asking friends for updates. No allowing friends to give you updates. No Smoke Signals. If you can think of it as contact, don't do it.

Continue keeping busy with friends. Go new places and make new friends. Expand your wings and learn to trust them again. Give yourself permission to let him and his drama go and to most of all heal. It isn't easy and the stickies at the top of the Relationship Board can give you a lot of good tips.

Good luck.

Thank you for the replys I jusr feel so lonely although I'm at work, I'm trying so hard to not text him...

Even if you didn't still have feelings for him, old habits are hard to break. Is there anything you can do to keep your hands busy so that you can't text him? Each time you keep putting it off it will get easier. Just give yourself time and encouragement.

Awwwwwwww thanks Cat!
I know what I should do and what I need to do I just find it so hard and I get very anxious all the time, my friends think I need to go to councilling, said I don't deal with things the way I should!
After he has done everything like this to me I still want to try and win him back, I feel although myself respect has gone, and I don't really get on with my home life either!
My friends and Ex I think are starting to get annoyed with me because I just can't accept it, I feel like I don't want to be here anymore :(
21 is meant to be the best year of my life! :(

Quote:

---

Originally Posted by luvybugy1988

21 is meant to be the best year of my life!

---

It still can be. You just need a little change of perception. I won't lie and say it is easy. Very little in life actually is. You have so much of your past wrapped up in him that you still feel like it should be your present and your future. That's what needs to change.

Do you think talking to a counselor would help you? For some people talking to a neutral third party face-to-face can be a big help. Unlike your friends, the counselor wouldn't be biased toward either side of the story and would be able to help you see things in a different way. Not just about the boyfriend but anything else that might be causing issues in your life.

It may be the hardest thing you ever do to cut ALL contact with him, but you will be very glad you did, AFTER a proper healing period.

Then you will be enjoying life, like it should be enjoyed. And not suffering through some intense feelings.

Thank you talaniman, I know I have got to go through a lot of pain before it gets better! I just try to put it off so that I can feel better about myself! Xx

I think you will feel better about yourself if you cut all ties with him. It is surprising how much better it feels when you drop the added weight of all that baggage. One wouldn't think that thoughts could weigh so much, but they do.

Good luck.

You need to go out with your friends and just have a good time, that would get him off your mind.

Just keep thinking why should I give my love to someone who doesn't want to give it back to me, when would I want to be with someone who doesn't want to be with me..

You need to think about yourself right now, start your own life and have a good time.

There is someone who would love to have you around and spend time with you, and wouldn't getting sick of it and wouldn't cheat on you. He just hasn't came around yet.

I do understand the feeling of love, and how you love him and don't want to let him go.

But just think, you lived your life before him, you can live your life now with out him. Everyone comes into your life to teach you a life lesson, he came in your life to teach you how men are not to act and what to look out for.

Just keep your head up and look into the future! :)

Quote:

---

Originally Posted by luvybugy1988

I really really really don’t want to loose him, he means everything to me………

---

I'm sorry, but it seems from your post, you've already lost him. You're trying to hang on by threads. Cut those threads. You should be with someone that WANTS to be with you. Unless I'm reading something wrong or I missed something you actually stated that he said you guys will never get back together, so don't even give him the time of day.

Hi luvybugy

Unfortunately your stuck because you won't let go , this is very normal so don't beat yourself up about it.

The thing is one day you'll get sick of feeling like cr*p , sick of spending your energy on someone who's not prepared to do the same for you , and then you'll realise that you have to let go or you'll just keep feeling the same way for no reason.

Once you do that it gets better , not quickly but every day will be just that little bit better , and then as the weeks and months pass you'll look back and realise what a waste of time it was to expend all your energy worrying about something you had no control over.

Just keep coming back here to vent , we're all here to listen. And believe me a few months down the track you'll feel so much better , and you'll look back at these initial posts you've written and see your progress.

Good Luck!

Good Morning Everyone,
I have done really really well... the longest I have ever not text him for brfore is like 7 hours, but yesterday I did not ring him or text him at all then at 10:50 he sent me a text asking "wot u doin" nothing more nothing less, I didn't even reply and I still haven't replied but deep down I want to, the only reason I'm not is because I want him to miss me. :S

I don't understand him because he asks me to leave him alone and then when I do he is the one to text me first, just one meesley text all DAY and NIGHT and this is someone that is supposed to love/care about me yeah rite... well anyway I'm off up the pub tonight with my friends!! Xx

Congratulations on making it this long without texting him. :)

As you continue keeping your silence, the motivation will change from wanting him to miss you to living your own life without any interference from him. However, part of NC is not accepting texts, calls, etc. Don't allow him to cause you more confusion. Let him confuse someone else.

Go have fun.:)

whata the pint! I was so please with myself that I had not text him or anything but I looked on his phone bill this morning and its like he has been texting lots of random numbers I've never seen before, probably off Facebook!

why would he even want to do that! Couldn't be missing me that much could he? X

Quote:

---

Originally Posted by luvybugy1988

but i looked on his phone bill this morning ?

---

That contract needs to be put in his name and you need to totally ignore it. It is one of those smoke signal contacts. The ones you don't think about being contact but are.

Find out what it will take to put the contract in HIS name and do it. Hopefully, it can just be transferred over and you can be done with it. No matter what happens you need to stop looking at it. It is only going to keep you running around in circles. Circles will get you nowhere but dizzy.

I have just text him, asking if he is OK and he said ye.

Then when I saigned on FB he has removed me as a friend and when I went on Ebuddy he was asking me to not talk to him and leave him alone, I don't understand as he was the 1 who text me 1st last night when I did leave him alone.

He said to me just don't tall to me and I told him OK if that the way you want things to stay, then I said look I can't be bothered to argue and he said a'm not arguin, so I said OK have a good weekend, and he put back have a good life :( Bye, so I just put a kiss and the he said, I don't want the in kiss I'm not going anywhere your deleting me off here.

I just said OK fine if your going to be like that and then he all off a sudden dissapered offline so think he has deleted me.

Awwwwwwww I can't deal with this anymore, been as he text me first y'day I was hoping he wanted to talk :( :( :(

Omg I'm going to go crazzzzzzzzzzy just found out I'm losing my job in a week!

What the fukkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkk am I going to go people

Quote:

---

Originally Posted by luvybugy1988

i can't deal with this anymore, been as he text me first y'day i was hoping he wanted to talk :( :( :(

---

This is going to be a bit harsh:

Remember that contract. Get your name off that contract.

From this point on, DO NOT CONTACT HIM in anyway. He has made his wishes known. Abide by them. Do not allow him to continue playing adolescent games with you. He has done that for far too long.

He isn't ready for a mature long-term relationship. I don't think he ever was. After you got back together that time, how long was it before he started questioning how long the relationship would last without putting any effort into ending it. At 17, he got involved with a female who would be more likely to play adult games with him than a 16 year old would. Now at 19, he can look like a mature 'older man' to teens who don't know better.

You do and you deserve better than him. You aren't his mother or babysitter so stop acting like it.

Live your own life. Learn who you are. I bet after you finally give yourself permission to let go, heal, and move on (it will take time) you will meet real men who want to build an actual relationship instead of just play house. Look forward to that day.

Good luck and lots of Hope for a wonderful future ahead of you.