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-   -   The love I lost (https://www.askmehelpdesk.com/showthread.php?t=47177)

  • Dec 6, 2006, 09:45 PM
    Calisha
    The love I lost
    I broke up with my boyfriend because I unfairly assumed that he would not accept something I had to tell him. After the fact, I told him anyway. He was o.k. with it. Now I KNOW that I may have missed out on the love of my life. He thinks that I pushed him away because I was interested in someone else. It's not true, but now he is so hurt that he doesn't trust me, nor do we have the same friendship as before. I can't live without him. I made a mistake, but not the one he thinks I made. How do I get him to realize that I was always faithful, and that I want him back. There have been times when he has told me that he loves me, and he wants to be with me, but I know that he was too hurt, because he won't act on these feelings, and I have to pull it out of him. I'm running out of options on how to get through to him.
  • Dec 6, 2006, 10:28 PM
    valinors_sorrow
    Oh dear Calisha, its tough seeing so much in your post that suggests you don't understand relationships very well. And I don't mean to ruffle your stuff right off either but you bot sound young. Young is good. Its okay that you are a little unaware, but this may be where you get some experience, some awareness too, okay? Here is a little perspective on some of it that may help. You and your boyfriend aren't trusting each other very well. And out of that, you aren't communicating very well. Both these things get easier with over time, with maturity. In the meantime, you might not get him back so its best not to be defining it as someone "you can't live without." All you can do is own up to the mistake you made that hurt him, apoligise for it and try not to make it again-- which it sounds like you did already. And if he won't accept your amends, then he won't. It is his choice just as it would be yours if you were in his shoes. There is no magic formula for making someone listen, agree, trust, love... and not very much of it is based on if "I do this, he'll do that" -- its far more complicated than that, sweetie. And "pulling" is not what is recommended for anything except maybe making taffy, so reconsider that part please. Chalk it up as a break up and live with it. If he returns you can be pleasantly surprised, but don't be counting on it or waiting for it. It will be better, easier when you have a little more understanding of it, I promise.
  • Dec 7, 2006, 07:39 PM
    s_cianci
    Have you told him exactly why you broke up with him? We know you've told him what wasn't the reason for your breakup. Admit to him that you made a mistake and assure him that it'll never happen again. I can't make any guarantees but if you open the lines of communication and keep them open you might have a chance. I'm sure that you've learned some very valuable lessons here. Now's the time to put them into practice.
  • Dec 8, 2006, 05:20 AM
    talaniman
    Assuming and not communicating never works.
  • Dec 8, 2006, 10:37 AM
    Choosy
    It is very tough situation for you.But I think You must try at least once to call him and sort out the issue.there may be a possibility that your boyfriend also wants to talk to u.but he wants you to start the proceedings.So don't waste time and call him.
  • Dec 8, 2006, 10:52 AM
    Saintas
    When trust is broken maybe communication only will help. But I really believe you HAVE communication issues , same as here , you hide and twist the senses even in this post where you have total anonymity . What your boyfriend think is not out of the blue, you give him reasons to believe such think . No mean to be rude .
  • Dec 8, 2006, 10:53 AM
    Wildcat21
    I think it's all a little jaded... breaks up because she wanted to be withsomeone else. Then all of sudden wanted guy 1 back. Ridiculous!! Flakey.

    Quite frankly, in all honesty, I wouldn't trust you either.

    With out trust you do not have a relationship.

    We are all attracted to many people - doesn't mean you should ever act on them.

    Going forward you just don't throw something awa ylike that. I am sure that's how he felt. Why would he want you back?

    That was pretty selfish in my book.
  • Dec 8, 2006, 11:02 AM
    Saintas
    I totally agree wit the words from Wildcats signature : "Hey - the more detail the better. This is my opinion - advice on how I would handle it. Yes I am blunt, but sometimes people need to hear reality instead of what they want to hear ."
    Many people asking for help here must reade before posting those words.
  • Dec 8, 2006, 11:25 AM
    AKaeTrue
    It's a little hard to tell from your post - Have you told him the truth about the "real" mistake?
    Kae
  • Dec 9, 2006, 12:16 AM
    chuff
    You broke up with him yet you say you can't live without him. If your that indecisive here are you that same way with him? If I were him you would have to do a lot of proving to me to get me back.

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