OK so here it goes.. I have been with this girl for a long time now but there is something I believe she is hiding from me.. I don't know why because the problem I am having was before I met her! Well before I met her she dated this guy.. I asked questions and she answered! So later down the line we get into an argument and she brings up all these things I did with other girls, so I said OK and I started asking her questions that she had already told me about that guy! So when I asked her the same questions that I asked her before, she answered with new ones! So my question is, why would she give me a different answer then what she had told me before? Maybe I'm crazy but I am about to leave this girl! If someone could help me, I would appreciate it. Thanks

I don't think a couple should bring up the past, and talk about things they have done in the past during an argument. It doesn't solve anything and is almost guaranteed to make things worse.

I would suggest you and your girlfriend sit down and talk things out calmly, and work out this argument, and only this argument. Don't bring up anything else until this is sorted.

Once its done, you MAY talk about stuff that happened in the past, if its absolutely necessary, and even then, just talk about it, don't interrogate her about it and try to make her confess a lie that you thinks he has made up.

Don't try to catch your girlfriend in a lie. If you don't think she is honest with you and if you can't trust her, then it is up to you to leave if you choose to. As people say, you can't have a relationship without trust...

If your mission is to prove she lied, just leave her now, Period, there is no relationship if that is your goal.
?? Unless of course you are 13 and this is jr high.

You don't bring up the past and she should not either, her doing it, does not make it right for you to

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Originally Posted by BlackVY

I don't think a couple should bring up the past, and talk about things they have done in the past during an argument. It doesn't solve anything and is almost guaranteed to make things worse.

I would suggest you and your girlfriend sit down and talk things out calmly, and work out this argument, and only this argument. Don't bring up anything else until this is sorted.

Once its done, you MAY talk about stuff that happened in the past, if its absolutely necessary, and even then, just talk about it, don't interrogate her about it and try to make her confess a lie that you thinks he has made up.

Don't try to catch your girlfriend in a lie. If you don't think she is honest with you and if you can't trust her, then it is up to you to leave if you choose to. As people say, you can't have a relationship without trust...

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I totally agree with bringing up the past but if she is hiding something from me, don't you think I have the right to know? And another thing.. you know what they say, once a liar always a liar. I don't want that to be her, I really like this girl a lot.

I don't know about the "Once a liar, always a liar" thing... because I know everyone has lied at least once in their life... does that mean everyone on Earth is a liar and can't be trusted?

She may be keeping some things from you, maybe to protect you or maybe she is not comfortable with telling some things to you, fearing it will change your perception of her. Maybe its something she is just not proud of and doesn't want to be brought up. It could even be that she knows you will use it as a weapon against her when you have an argument next time. There are lots of reason why she would want to keep some things from you.

There are lots of married people who keep certain things to themselves too. Sometimes its just better that way, but I do believe honestly is best.

Best thing to do is just sort out this argument, and creat a safe environment for her, in which she knows she can trust you, so if she chooses to tell you stuff in the future, or the truth about something, she knows you will take it well, be understanding, your opinion of her won't change and that you won't use it against her later.

But like Fr_Chuck said, if you are looking to catch her in a lie, then you don't trust her enough to be in a relationship with her.

Yea she is definitely hiding something because she said the guy did it like this but then turned around and said he did it another way. Do you think we should seek counciling? I hate the fact that I know she lied to me.. its really important to me to know why she lied to me.

Personally I think you should leave the past in the past.

Maybe counseling is best for both of you, together, not just for this lie you are trying to catch her in, but for your relationship in general.

Coming from someone like you, who has to know everything and why, some things are best left alone, but yeah, counseling could be helpful for both of you.

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Originally Posted by BlackVY

Maybe counseling is best for both of you, together, not just for this lie you are trying to catch her in, but for your relationship in general.

Coming from someone like you, who has to know everything and why, some things are best left alone, but yeah, counseling could be helpful for both of you.

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I think your right man.. I'm going to forget about everything and just try to move on. If not, I will suggest some counseling together. Thank you

Yes, good idea... forget what happened, what was said... leave the past in the past.

All the best

Everyone's past is their own and none of your business , if you can't get past that then I suggest you leave her before she gets sick of you pestering her , because if you keep doing that she'll end up leaving you.

It's a huge Red Flag and reeks of insecurity.

She could be telling you what she thinks you want to hear.

If you are suspicious and/or jealous, and need to know her past for some reason, she may be sugar coating it so that you'll drop the subject once and for all.

To be fixated on the problem, and not the reason for asking in the first place, is a little curious to me.

Think about why you need to know, and is it justified in any way that you see? Will knowing what you want to hear and pushing her to tell 'the truth', make your relationship stronger or will it put a wedge in there. Will it improve your communication and/or respect for boundaries that have been crossed? Will it help build, or destroy the relationship.

To leave it in the past is the only thing to do. When you started a relationship with her, that was the beginning. You can no more incorporate how somebody used to be, any more than you can anticipate how they are going to be in the future.

Accept her as she is, without judgment, and with trust.

This relationship doesn't sound like its worth the tension, drama, and suspicions.

Let the past die. You all are together now and if you want to ruin what you have, keep on bringing up the things that may or may not have happened.

Her past is her business. Your past is your business and if you choose to pursue this line of interrogating her every time you have an argument then you don't need to be together.

She doesn't have to tell you anything about what she did before she met you. Take the advice or you'll end up alone.

What happened in other relationships shouldn't matter in a current relationship. If you asked her these things while arguing it's a good possibility that she was so mad that she didn't care what she told you so you would stop questioning her about her ex.
If you really like this girl it would be best to drop the past relationships and move on with your relationship with her. How can you make a future living in the past? I wish you two the best of luck.

Wow tit for tat about the past BEFORE you were together. Sounds like you just like the drama of arguing to be honest. Let it go, it's in the past

Thanks for all of the advice guys.. I chose to just leave it all alone and focus on our future together!

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Originally Posted by rnjroofing

thanks for all of the advice guys.. i chose to just leave it all alone and focus on our future together!

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Good for you. Stick with that and I'll bet you and your girlfriend end up being very happy... Blessings

I'm glad that you're going to let the past go and try to move forward with your relationship.

Good luck!

Be happy together.