I'd really appreciate some advice please. After being made redundant a year ago and only managing to secure a few temporary contract jobs since, my life has seemed to have taken a downward spiral, as have my finances and relationship.


I'm 35, with no job, no money, forced back to living with my parents and, having suffered an injury was unable to work for 2 months which got me down much more. I'm on incapacity benefit which is barely enough to cover my outgoings so have resorted to having to accept handouts from my parents which I am so ashamed of. My benefits are about to run out as my arm is nearly better but I still can't get work.


On top of that, my boyfriend has been cheating on me for some months now (haven't caught him in the act but the evidence is all there) and has been totally unsupportive to my situation, as well as quite emotionally abusive.


My confidence is at an all time low, myself esteem is zero and I don't even have the money nor motivation to see my friends or go out anymore. I couldn't even meet a new man as I really don't see that anyone would be interested in me with no work, living with my parents, no money etc. I'm seeing a cognitive behavioural therapist for depression and social anxiety but she constantly cancels my sessions due to being sick and never returns my calls so I'm not even getting the help from outside.


I feel so trapped, useless, unattractive and uninteresting to be around. With no money, job, boyfriend, hope, how do I get out of this mess?

It's called 'life', and no one gets out alive.

Think of what you have already survived. You have been through so much in the recent past, and building yourself back up to tackle life again isn't an easy task. It is far too easy to lament and have regrets, but while you are in that very self-depreciating place, you won't soon be back on your feet and ready to face the challenges of living again.

The first thing I would do is call the agency where your therapist works, and insist on another therapist. CBT is a very effective form of therapy, and you doing that tells me that you are wanting some changes in your life. If you've got a deadbeat therapist- get a new one. That type of therapy, I think, will really help you get back on your feet again.

You are also in good company with being unemployed, and you are not the first person who has had to move back in with mom and dad. It is temporary, and when you are back on your feet again, you can do something nice for them like a surprise dinner party. Someday, they will likely need your help, that's what family is all about.

You are young enough that you might want to consider a career change, or going back to college, even part time. Try to get yourself organized a bit, and spend a certain amount of time each day preparing and sending out resumes, making phone calls, etc. Try to contact your friends from your last job, and start networking with them.

I reallly do feel for you being so down. I'm sitting here right now with a knee brace on, moving 0 miles and hour and wishing I could just wave a magic wand and get back to normal again. I have to be patient too.

As to your boyfriend, you will have to tackle that situation at some point. I'm sure you have very good reasons for doubts, but be careful that you aren't just digging yourself deeper into being depressed. See him, and his actions, for what they are. If its possible for you to sit and talk to him face to face, do so- that will likely set your mind at ease and either confirm or deny that the relationship is heading to a close.

Try to tackle one thing at a time and don't get overwhelmed. Make a schedule if you have to, and stick to it. Make it a point of allowing time every day just to get out and go for a walk to clear your head. It doesn't have to be a hike up a mountain, just a simple walk around the block.

I hope to hear that you have a new therapist soon, and if you post again, and I hope you do, it would be really nice to hear about the progress you've made.

Hi, girlagogo!

What kind of education, job experience, training and skills do you already have, please?

Outstanding post by Jake2008 above!

Thanks!

Thanks for the advice, you've made me realise that I need to tackle my problems one at a time. Deep down I think I know my relationship is over but I'm so hurt I guess I just don't want to and am not strong enough or able to cope with the rejection, another failure. I will contact my doctor about seeing another therapist or at least kicking the one I have into shape. As for work... just keep on applying. I'll let you know how it goes. Oh and Clough,my main skills and experience are in research, researcher or research analyst .

I don't know why all of this has been dumped on you at the same time. Even one thing you've been through, and are going through, every six months would be enough!

Think of 'news', everything about to be new again. New life, new job, new friends, new challenges, new adventures, and possibly a new love in your life.

Everything you do from this point on, is opening up doors for you to really live your life again.

I hope to join the outside world soon myself.

There is always hope! Think positive, problems always come but you have to be in solution mode instead of thinking about how big the problem is think how can I solve this situation in the best possible manner. Good luck