My ex and I met 10 years ago and spent some of the most important and inspiring moments of our lives together. The last 5 years of our dating we were on and off due to complications of an abortion we disagreed terribly about. And quite honestly the both of us back then were not ready or even close to be parents. I know this is quite open but it needs to come off my chest. I have spent these years in hell crying myselft to sleep(behind closed doors) in deep depressions wanting to take this back for my my own grief and his. These past 3 years we've seldom bumped into each other. I grew from underneath him into a wonderful woman (still no children). I have dated and met a wonderful and AMAZING man. But Recently I found out my ex was in a bad accident and was paralyzed. My heart fell because he was the only person whom I loved beyond any measure. There's no place or time that I ever stopped loving him. My heart stopped, my life changed, my feelings grew from places I never knew existed. I realized what true passion meant in a time of desperation. I located him and when we talked it was like heaven. I could tell his heart stopped the moment he heard my voice when he didn't even ask for a name. We eventually met up and talked EVERDAY. And everyday was something new and special. Considering he is now walking and better and has changed as a MAN. Incerdible and so loving and with KIDS! 2 with 2 woman! He was honest about his life and it's "crazies" and his feelings for me. The abortion was a big topic that was even now still too emotional to resolve. (truth is it hurts very much ) We were on the exact page at this weird point in our lives as strangers all over again... falling in love as the day we met. Curiously we ended up making love one night. And I can't even describe what God given kind of moment that was but since.. I feel like I can't go through life without hearing his voice. He tries to reassure me he's still that one, but it brings me all the way back and My now boyfriend is in the middle.. and sadly to say I am with an amazing, AMAZING! Guy now. And my ex's life seems to be filled already. Mine.. feels not filled enough. The truth is the passion is honestly there all the way but we have made some "moved on" decisions we can't take back. Now I think of my ex when me and him are together now. It's terrible. How do I let him go?

Is your ex married?

No, he is not.

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we have made some "moved on" decisions we can't take back

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And these would keep you apart in the future?

I think so. He has children now.. and I would think he would not be able to truly commit. And I my current relationship has achieved so many levels.. I am not sure if its worh starting over...

Does your current boyfriend know about the ex? If so, what does he say?

Honestly, my pride is in the way of my life. I don't want to look crazy taking him back. There are times when I want to jump out of my life (when it's the fantasy) and with him seems to be the truth. LIke most others, I am truly afraid of being left alone.. I don't know if it's worth it.. It often makes me wonder if every happy couple is really with that one? Or sometimes we just have to wear the shoe that fits even if its on the wrong foot.

He knows we met years back but none of the serious stuff. I think he found a text at some point but he eventually let it go...

Well with little relationship history I have he would put it all together. So I don't bother with telling him details about my ex's.

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Originally Posted by morenaegypt

I am truly afraid of being left alone.

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Then wouldn't it be better for both guys (and you) if you got yourself together first before moving in with anyone?

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It often makes me wonder if every happy couple is really with that one?

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Not every couple is with "that one." And every couple you think is happy very possibly is not.

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Sometimes we just have to wear the shoe that fits even if its on the wrong foot.

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We do? Maybe a generation and more ago we did, but not any longer.

This sounds like you will end up with your current boyfriend and "settle." Will he know that is what is going to happen?

Despite all those feelings and flowery language, you cheated on a "wonderful" guy. That tells me you have so many personal issues you may not be a good partner to anyone.

Start with being honest with your current boyfriend, and work from there, as you are not only cheating on him, but using him for your own purpose. That has to be corrected by being honest, so you can be honest with yourself.

Only then can you make a good decision for yourself that's based on facts, and not just "wonderful" feelings.

I never thought of it like that.

I can understand why, upon hearing the news that your ex was paralyzed in an accident, would cause all kinds of emotions to bubble to the surface. Despite the time, and the distance, this was a person you cared about on a meaningful level, and natrually you needed to see how he was doing.

But then you went too far.

While you may have, had you chosen to, been a friend to support and help him essentially regain his life again, you crossed the boundaries from friend, to lover, and now find yourself between two men.

Your ex should have had more respect for you, knowing you had a boyfriend, and you should have had more respect for yourself, and not got in to a point where the existing relationship is in peril, or will be when your boyfriend knows the truth.

That being said, you have to figure out if going back in time is worth losing what you have now. While that magical re-living of those intense feelings and desires is driving you to maintain contact, you are neglecting to make some changes, and make a decision. There cannot be three people in one relationship. One of them has to go.

I'm not blaming you, you are not the first, or the last that has experienced similar conundrums, but, it would be best for you to take a breather from both, and figure out what you want to do.

If you choose to leave your current boyfriend, try not to jump immediately into the arms of your ex. Do the work in recovering from one relationship, before you start, or continue, with another.

Consider that the ex has 2 children already, from two different women, and when the rose petals stop falling, take a good long look at his life, along with all the baggage, and take stock of how sustainable the relationship will be, once the dust has settled.

Is he worth losing the man you are with now? Only you can decide.

But for now, being honest with your current boyfriend, really honest- about everything, will allow him as well, a choice in whether he wants to remain with you, wait for you, work through understanding you, and also figure out if it is time for him to call it quits, and move on. You owe him that much in my opinion.

I don't remember feeling like Im a cheating person until I felt cheated on. Now I'm left weighing some heavy things. Its taking a lot.

Understandable.

Take some time to think. And you are human don't forget, we all make mistakes and live through them, and live to see another day.

Do what's best for you, and take the time you need to make the right decisions.

Wow. I have heard it all. And I needed that. You won't believe how long and intense I have been waiting to hear some of these responses. I hear this and a lot changes for me. Believe me when I say I am taking this in. From REAL WOMEN I have not formally met. And the woman I have known my whole life. I don't get this annointence elsewhere and I appreciate ALL the comments, truly.

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Originally Posted by morenaegypt

I appreciate ALL the comments, truely.

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We care about YOU and how you get through the rest of your life. Only when you feel good about yourself can you appreciate anyone else in your life. We really want you to get to that good place.