Hi.
If you ever read the book men are from mars and women are from venus you will know what this phase is. But for those who do not, it's the phase where a man starts pulling away from his loved one. Thinking he might not love her anymore, he questions the relationship, his life and other things... sometimes just 1 thing, sometimes everything.

And then one day its like it never happened and he loves his partner more than ever. And so the cycle goes.

I have noticed this cycle in myself and have learned to deal with it, and how to keep my partner happy during this phase without frustrating myself.

But I'm in this phase now, where I have been before, and there were times where I was convinced this time its not a phase and I do not love her. Well... I'm at that point again, only this time where my phase lasts from 1 - 5 days... its been 2 weeks now. And I feel myself drifting more and more away from my girl. We have been through hell together. Its been more than a year now that we are engaged.

I am just not sure if this is just the phase, or if I am actually falling out of love with her. I was convinced a while ago that she cheated on me. I don't know why, body language... silence... irritbale with me the whole time which lasted a month or so.

Then after that, she was so affectionate towards me it was scary. I thought aliens abducted her and changed her into this love machine of sorts.

Anycase, I assume that was her phase. Im just not sure if I am in the cycle which is lasting longer due to work stress and other stresses. Who knows.

I guess the ultimate question is ,if she walked out the door today how would you feel?
Never to have her in your life in any capacity again?

Another question,could you be over-thinking this?

There may be mitigating factors,as you mentioned stress that could be causing this feeling.

Highs and lows are the name of the game in love and the trick is to keep it real through the lows.
Go out,do something you haven't done together in a long time and spend some true quality time together.

Talking it out is another great way to reconnect.Tell her how you feel and hopefully she can put your suspicions to rest.

Could you be feeling this way because you are afraid of her leaving you and you are protecting yourself?

I think all couple pull back and become frustrated and less confident about the relationship. Maybe its other circumstances that make you feel that way, but I think its normal, given our very human personal issues we have.

I think your key is what you do about it when your going through this period is what counts. We all have our own unique way of coping with those feelings, so they don't distract us from reality, or cause us to misbehave and make things worse through impulsive words and behaviors that allows things to be carried away to a point of no return.

When my wife hates my guts, I leave her alone and let her calm down and then talk after the emotional dust has settled, and she does pretty much the same, so giving yourself and your partner some space to process your own emotions is probably a good idea.

From ready your other posts, I think you may have an issue with when and how to communicate, and putting what you have learned (about yourself, and your partner ) into constructive, and positive ways of interacting.

Balance in what you do together, and away from each other, is a must to understanding not only yourself, but your partner as well. This is how interacting with another works and you can grow together, and not apart.

She has issues, and needs time to get them understood, and under control, but so do you, so even though you have a comfort zone with each other, and have learned a lot, always keep the mind open to learning even more, so you can understand what you have learned, and make the adjustments to cope with them.

You will work on those coping skills the rest of your life, so buckle up for a long ride.

Thx for the comments. I guess it was a self defense mechanism. She told me last night she is scared to get married but still wants to marry me. Its very stressful for her and she said she does not want to do something she regrets.

This came after I tried opening a new channel of communication and told her I sometimes miss the excitement of a new relationship. She agreed and added she misses the sex of a new relationship.

So by opening that channel I am now being told a lot of other things making me very uneasy because its sounding like she does not want to be with me. Even though she says she does.

The stress is killing me, and I have this nagging sensation to just give up and stop putting in effort. Mostly because she said its not me, and nothing I do can make her feel better about the situation which is true.

Some things are just out of our control. talaniman, you make valid points. And my timing is off. Luckily she tells me this now after our new found communication. Like this morning before work I wanted to talk, but she said this is not the time. So I said OK, and left for work.

Patience with dealing with any one is a good thing to do. There is a time and place for everything. Sometimes you have to step back and pick a better spot to keep the channels of communications open. Sometimes its better to not push so hard, and even leave things for a better time.

Beware of pushing to hard out of fear, or insecurity, as that leads to impulsive words, and actions, and stops you from listening, without making things personal.

I think the whole key is not getting carried away by feelings, and letting the feelings you have, distract you from the truth.

Take time for yourself, and give yourself time to find that cool, calm, and collected place you need to understand the facts you have.