Hi, well my girlfriend over 1 year, cheated on me this is the second time she cheated on me, but I forgave her last time, because I knew it was only a one night type of thing... But this time she actually has feelings for this guy. And yesterday she cried and said how she never meant to hurt me, and said she loved me and would leave the guy she was with to be with me, she said she wanted to marry me and everything, and said she would fight for me and fix her mistakes now she hasn't done any of that... I broke it off with her, and said I can't talk to her at least for right now, she is not listening, she says she "needs to talk to me" but meanwhile she's still with the other guy, I feel likes she thinks she can have the both of us. I blocked her on msn, and Facebook, and I'm ignoring her calls for right now, but she still pleads that she wants to talk to me. I think she accepted that I'm not going to take her back, but she still wants me in her life, and I just can't be right now, I'm hurt, I'm heartbroken, I'm mad, I really loved her and wouldn't ever do this to her. I need some advise am I doing the right thing by ignoring her? There's still a part of me that wants to be with her, but another part of me says I deserve better. Any advice?

-Nick

There's one of many pieces of advice that I have been given on this forum when I went through what you did and it was this... you get treated the way you let people treat you!!

You need to do full no contact and move on with your life. By taking her back again you are showing her that she can do as she pleases with whoever she please's. Have some self respect (and I mean that in a nice way :0)) and walk away and leave her to be with this other bloke, you can do much better xx

Sorry to hear you lost the person you love.
You did the right thing, but instead of reconcile with her in the future, you need to permanently get out of her life. She cheated not once but twice, and to make it worst she doesn't feel any remorse of doing it, all she cares about is the feeling she has and her own happiness and doesn't care about yourself.
Leave this girl for sure, don't contact her at all, she doesn't deserve you and you deserve someone better. Its going to be hard that's for sure but you can finally focus on you, she is bad news and if you keep hanging on her, your future will not be happy.

Keep ignoring her. The only reason she isn't currently cheating on you is because you broke up.

Work on getting your life back to being your own. Heal and let the past go before you try getting into another relationship. And, yes, you do deserve better.

Ignore her until you heal, don't unhash these wounds, trust me

Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice, shame on me.

You're doing the right thing in staying away from her, but you need to make it full NC and permanent.

This woman is definitely not trustworthy. She has already cheated on you twice with two separate men; so, it's not as if she's caught up in a romance with just one guy and can't make up her mind.

I suspect you already know what you should do. I guess I would ask myself, if I stuck my finger in a fire and got burned, would I put my finger in it again and not expect for it to burn again?

If you take her back, prepare to be cheated on again

She's done. You should have kicked her to the curb the first time. At least now you made the right choice for yourself. She is selfish. Go find someone who appreciates you and don't look back.

Just like everyone else said go No Contact. Who cares what she has to say now. She had her chance she blew it. Start to heal and move on with your life without her.

She isn't cheating on you for a change, she was cheating on him. That's exactly why you run for your sweet life away from her, as she can only lie to you some more, as she is doing to him.

Smartest thing you have ever done, was dumping her.

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Originally Posted by LostAndConfused1

part of me says I deserve better.

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This part of you is 100% correct. You gave her more then most and she emotionally spit on you. If she actually spit on you, you would not accept that. Do not accept her standards as your standards. People either come up to you, or you go down to them. You've reached down to pull her up. She tried to pull you down and you did the right thing by letting go.

You must love her a lot to have forgiven her the first time, and when she cheated again, you are having a hard time accepting your relationship with her for what it really is.

Not only did she cheat a second time, she is still with the guy. All the while begging you to take her back.

Chuff mentioned standards. If you really think about that, you will realize that your relationship with her, or your part in the relationship is all about compromising- 100%, while she remains where she has always been.

What you have seen in her behaviour, is what it is. She makes conscious choices to have other relationships. Not 'just a one night stand', which is bad enough, but she also creates enough drama in your life that you're thinking that somehow she's worth saving- again.

It may be time for you to concentrate on you right now. Figure out why you allowed yourself to sink to such a level in a 'relationship', and what is it about your needs that wasn't met, and how you are going to change for the future.

In a way, she's taught you what a relationship isn't. Now you need to figure out, what a relationship is.

I agree with the others that you have done the right thing in letting her go, absolutely.

Now the key will be, how you change, in order not to find yourself with another woman with the same characteristics and traits as the last one.

Thanks for all the feedback, I'm scared I'm going to give in to her, which I know I shouldn't but I really love her, and she's left voicemails of her crying on the phone, saying she can't live without me, and she broke up with the other guy she was with, but I'm not falling for it, I'm just worried I may give in... I need the strength not too... I told her she had to let me go, but she says she can't I'm not sure if this is a game or something... But I really think she's sorry, but I can't really trust her for what she did. Any thoughts?

-Nick

Is this really your definition of 'love'?

She has proven that she is not a good partner, or person, she is untrustworthy, selfish, and she uses you.

And you are thinking it is a good idea to what exactly? Get back together with her?

Why you set yourself up with accepting phone calls, instead of blocking her number is beyond me.

You are obviously not yet ready to think beyond this toxic relationship, and improve yourself so that you can stop wasting your time, and move on with your life in a productive way.

When you are ready, it will be after more heartache, and you will repeat this cycle, it's quite obvious in my opinion.

I'm not faulting you, you're only human, and you feel what you feel. The only person who can give you the strength you need to break free of this situation- is yourself.

Imagine yourself married to her. You've got a house, kids, the whole package.
Would you wonder where she was when she was late?
Would you wonder what she was doing while you were not together?
Would you even wonder if your children were even YOURS?

YES,YES, and YES.

You will be miserable with a woman that you cannot trust any further than you could THROW her.

Love is about trust and respect. She has neither.

Go be happy. Good luck.

Right now your only dealing with the feelings you have for her. Not the brain that's telling you she is a bad risk. You have made her feelings your own, and must put them aside to see the facts of her behavior.

While its a good thing you are ignoring her now, and standing firm, you still have to take the next step to erase her from your life, so you can move beyond this toxic situation, and cutting all contact with her is what must be done.

That's the only way you can recover and build, is to get away completely from her influence.

You really need to try and forget this girl and get on with your life. Like someone else said earlier, do you really want to be with someone who you will always be thinking... where are they now? Who are they with? Are they cheating?
That is not a good/healthy relationship, there are plenty of people out there that will treat you much better than she did.

You must go full NC and block her out of your life completley, it is the only way that you will be able to move on and heal from this nasty and hurtful event xx

Thanks, this has been a terrible week for me, Its going to be hard but I know I have to let her go, the problem is she keeps calling, and leaving me messages on Facebook, and I told her we are over, and she doesn't get the hint, and she said she left the other guy, but I know for a fact she's lying... I need her to get out of my life, she's holding me back. I love her very much, but she has hurt me beyond belief... She thinks cheating is acceptable, and its not. She "F"ed up...

You need to realize right now she is acting like the victim and she is not. She hurt you and saw that and was pulling out the "I can make it better card" She was talking marriage and fixing it because she was caught and guilty. It won't be better. Your smart for going NC. Every post so far here is right on. Leave her to be with her affairs and move on.

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Originally Posted by LostAndConfused1

I love her very much,

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I think you love the idea of what you thought she was or could be. You know, even in this emotional situation that what she has done is not love towards you.

I love my house but if it's on fire and burning to the ground, guess what, it's on it's own I'm not running back in.

Your ex is clearly an emotional fire burning out of control, you can let her burn to the ground and keep going back to her getting burned or you can stay away from the fire.

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I need her to get out of my life, she's holding me back. I love her very much, but she has hurt me beyond belief...

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Be patient with the hints, but if she persists, then you will have to be more aggressive with demand for her to leave you alone. Like changing the things that allow her to contact you. Or letting some one know you are being harassed.

Have a care, as there is nothing worse than a woman scorned, or a jilted lover, but you have to stay on the high road here.