Im kind of on the same boat... I'm just so unhappy with myself. I'm not a liar, I'm honest as I can be. My boyfriend and I have been together for about a year. He was my first boyfriend, but not my first to have sex with. Because of a past experience with a boy I dated, he found out I was a virgin, and left me, it was very crushing. I couldn't believe this mattered. But any-who I told my boyfriend, that I have had a prior relationship, and I have made up a stupid story, to go along with my lie. I feel so guilty, because he is so amazing, and I love him deeply. He is not only my boyfriend, but my closest friend, not my only, but his friendship matters so much to, and the love he has to offer. I really don't know what to do. How to go about by it. The guilt that I have is killing me, I can't stop thinking about how awful I am for making it up, and how much easier it would have been to just tell him the truth. What should I do?

Will the lie effect your relationship?

It's never good to lie, it digs a deep hole. The best thing to do is come clean, admit that you lied, apologize and hope he forgives you.

I don't think it will. Our bond is very strong, and I have a lot or respect for him... if that's the case I know I should come clean, but its so difficult because he means so much to me.
It's the only thing I've been dishonest about, Ive never lied to him ever about anything else, and I don't want my honesty to ever be an issue, if I tell him.

I'm wondering what some of the men on this thread think?

No matter what, it is usually best to be honest.

I am not sure what the lie was about, however, tell him the truth and explain why you made up the story. Work together to rebuild any trust that is lost.

This is going to be a test of the relationship, but if he is the great guy you think he is and feels the same way you do, then it should work out.

The lie was about a "someone that i had been in a relationship with" I have had relationship with men, but never took it far enough for a while. So once I started dating my boyfriend, I didn't want him to reconsider dating me because of my lack of experience in an actual relationship. I feel really dumb about it, it was so silly, and not necessary.

Okay on a scale of 1 to 10, ten being very serious.
How serious is the issue that I'm having?

How old are both of you? How experienced is he?

He has been with you for about a year. I am sure that he probably has a pretty good idea of just how experienced you really were when you got together.

It is only as serious as the two of you want to make it. Building it up in your own mind will only make it seem that much worse when you do tell him.

I'm 22 and he's 21.
He has just had flings, and potential relationships. I'm his first official girlfriend.
Ive had flings, but not sexual, up until 2 moths before I dated him.

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Originally Posted by onetwo1

Ive had flings, but not sexual, up until 2 moths before i dated him.

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What's a "fling"? In my dictionary, it's a short-lived sexual relationship.

If your "fling" was not sexual and was two months before you met him, so what's the big deal about that?

Quote:

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Originally Posted by Wondergirl

What's a "fling"? In my dictionary, it's a short-lived sexual relationship.

If your "fling" was not sexual and was two months before you met him, so what's the big deal about that?

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I think what she lied about was being more experienced than she actually was. I don't know what her definition of a 'fling' is, but I think she was a virgin until two months before she met him.

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Originally Posted by Altenweg

Will the lie effect your relationship?

It's never good to lie, it digs a deep hole. The best thing to do is come clean, admit that you lied, apologize and hope he forgives you.

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Yep because one lie usually leads to others to cover the first lie.

Why don't you just 'fess up and let him know you were embarrassed at being inexperienced and made yourself sound more worldly with men than you actually were?

It's great and truly commendable that you feel the need to be so honest, but on a scale of 1 to 10 I don't think that this is a truly serious lie, or one that will come back to bite you badly on the bum (so to speak).

Maybe you're being a bit hard on yourself and you might instead see this as something that we all do from time to time - tell little white lies to make ourselves look better.

Just tell your BF and get rid of the guilt - I bet he'll laugh and give you a big hug.

It's not like you robbed a bank, or ran over your neighbours dog or anything.

You lied about something you didn't do, you didn't lie about something you did that you didn't want him to know about.

I would put this in a category of '1'

I once had a guy tell me that he had so many muscles in his stomach that he had to have some surgically removed! He was trying to tell me (I think) that he was superman.

There is no harm in telling the truth, and he may even suspect you told a little fib. The next time you are together, just say, "remember when I told you about......., well, I beefed that up to impress you. I know it was a dumb thing to do, but just wanted to set the record straight."

Far better that, then telling him you were once married to your brother or something! :D

Get it off your chest, the sooner the better.

I can honestly say, that I haven't used another lie to cover up my stupid lie. I really don't know what to do. Anymore. But thanks anyway, folks.

Tell him the truth. This was not some horrible lie.
IF he trips over that, he is really not worth it I'd say. If in fact he is your best friend, and you tell him the truth, he will be OK with that. If not then maybe he's Mr. perfect and you don't need to be with him anyway.