I'd been seeing a great guy for 3 months. We had a great time together, had loads in common, he was very intense throughout the reltationship and constantly showering me with calls and texts, he even found out where I worked and drove 55km to turn up at my work one day. We spent every weekend except for one together in the alst 3 months. I thought he was really into me. After 3 months he was about to go abroad for a few weeks and I said a couple of things such as that I would miss him while he's gone and I would find it strange not spending every weekend with him. He freaked out and didn't contact me for 2 days, then he rang me to apologise profusely for being such a to me over the last few days and to explain that he was actually still in love with his ex and was really gutted about it because he does like me and really enjoyed the time we spent together and desperately wants to stay friends with me but, unfortunately, everything he does just reminds him of her and he still feels like he is in love with her. He explained some of the circumstances of their break-up - he lost his dad when he was young and has a fear of losing people he loves, she smoked too much and he pushed her away because of it. They broke up a year ago. It was a very honest conversation and I really respect him for talking to me so openly about his situation. BUT, THIS IS THE WEIRD BIT: About 10 minutes after he dumped me, he texted to thank me for being so understand and basically he hasn't stopped texting me and msning me since! I wake up and have texts from him in the night, just about random stuff, he's acting as if nothing has happened and is actually texting amd calling me MORE than he used to when we were together! I'm talking 2 hour long phonecalls until 2am, texts at 7am etc. I reply in a casual way most of the time and I've actually had to ring him myself because he was just texting me so much I thought a phonecall would be easier!

My friends say he is probably feeling guilty about breaking up with me and wants to check that I'm OK but I don't know if it means he thinks he made a mistake and is trying to figure me out, how I react etc.

My question is :Why would he be contacting me so intensely for the days immediately after HE DUMPED ME if he openly says he isn't in love with me?!

Very confused!

Don't be confused, as he was very clear in saying he still feels for his ex, and you are his feel good rebound and he wants you to accept that fact. Don't!!

Its up to you to leave him alone to heal on his own the proper way, without your help.

Your confusion comes from wanting to stay with him through his hard time, but he needs to do this himself.

Your path is clear, stop letting him contact you.

Time to tell him to not contact you again,and start healing from his breakup.

He should be doing that on his own,as trying to have a rebound relationship was futile,as such relationships are.

Dating someone who isn't over an ex is not a good idea,and its unfair on the new person.

So go no contact with him and stop all communication.

He is using you as a rebound, he needs someone to talk to while his feeling the loneliness he has inside. Like what tal said his keeping you in the side and its all up to you if your going to let him. Let him know that your going to let him go, you don't have time to be the second choice of his life, you need a guy that's going to put you first.

Almost seems to me like he's just enjoying having someone to talk to about his problems. Kind of like when he finally opened up that he can't stop talking.

He's already told you that you can't have a romantic relationship, so why put yourself through this?

You should just tell him that you enjoyed the 3 months you had together, but you just can't be "best buddies". Then if he continues with the calls and texts, you should change your number.

Thanks guys, I really appreciate your advice! It all makes perfect sense too.

He has held back on contacting me for the last day or so, so I guess things have calmed down on his end. It probably helps that he is abroad with his friends and busy.

Not that it helps me, because I've still been dumped! And from his mixed signals I got my hopes up for a while that he was changing his mind about his feelings and maybe wanted to break off the break up!

I will just have to keep repeating to myself: I have to be his number one, anything less than that is just not worth my time, so let him be.

So I'm going for the no contact, even though its hard because I want to know about his trip and we've been in touch constantly for months, it's a tough habit to break. Part of me hopes that if I don't contact him at all, even when he contacts me, that will just to make him want me more, but if his feelings for his ex are really that strong I guess that would be a waste of my time too.

I'm just going to keep my expectations low - i.e. we have completely broken up, he is in love with someone else, and I will try to ignore my hope that he comes back to me once he has got over her, because that will only lead to my disappointment when he doesn't or finds someone else.

So rubbish! What can be so good about this girl, seriously??

Stay strong and stick to on contact,it will help you heal from the breakup.

At least you know why he dumped you,and that he isn't able to have a relationship with anyone as he isn't ready for that yet.

Good luck and be good to yourself.

OH NO, he has just texted me AGAIN... really long one with loads of questions about stuff he knows I'm up to, and telling me loads about his trip.

I'm going to ignore it.

ARRRRRRGH he's driving me mad! I thought he wasn't into me!!

He is used to using you as a safety blanket.

I suggest you send him one e-mail,telling him politely to leave you alone so you can heal-then block him and ignore him.

You better tell him straight up you don't want to be friends right now, and leave you alone.

He has obviously latched on to you to give him some positive attention that his ex no longer does.

You have to be brief, and very straight with him, so he gets it, and you both get to heal.

I have been SOOOOOOOOOOOOO good and not contacted him or replied to his contact for 5 WHOLE DAYS. He is still contacting me once a day, I've had text messages and Facebook contact.

Today he texted me just before he went to bed. It was a text with a few of our in-jokes in, in-depth detail about his trip including how proud I would be of him because of his stuff he's doing out there, language learning, sports etc and how he's lost weight and a comment about my breasts and more in-jokes and a cute little night night sign off.

WHAT DOES THIS ALL MEAN?? WHY IS HE STILL CONTACTING ME EVEN WHEN I AM NOT RESPONSING/INITIATING CONTACT FOR NEARLY A WEEK NOW??

I am too scared to ask him outright why he is still texting me these things and I'm definitely too scared to asking him if he is still interested in me in case I get shot down and he just repeats that no, he is in love with his ex and doesn't want a relationship - DUH! He already told me that. I don't need to hear that twice. But he is really confusing me! I have been friends with this guy for about 10 years and he never used to text me about everything he was doing on holiday or send me texts every day or tell me night night or write things about my breasts, so I know what it's like to be friends with him and this is NOT him being just friends with me. He is being close and flirty.

I am starting to feel hope that maybe he is trying to show me that he wants to get back together, but is too scared to bring it up with me, so just keeps persistent contact with me to let me know that he is still thinking of me instead. Maybe he is hoping that I will respond in the way I used to when we were together, but I THOUGHT HE WANTED A BREAK, NOT JUST A SHORT BREAK, A PERMANENT BREAK. His actions and words do not match!

I think he wants me to know that he likes my boobs and is still thinking of them, and I guess that he wants to impress me with his activities on his trip, his language learning and his weight loss etc to make sure that I am still interested in him.

I do really like him and I just don't know what he wants or how I should react. I am finding the no contact thing hard, I just want things to go back to the way they were before where we were just having a casual relationship without any really strong feelings, I should say here that I ended a 6 yr relationship 2 weeks before we got together, so he was kind of my rebound, although I had liked him a bit for about a yr before we got together, and I thought it was just a rebound thing, but then it started to get a bit more serious for us and lasted 3 months!

HELP! Your advice has been so good so far, I think he is trying to make me lose my mind!

I am in almost an Identical situation, since Monday, only difference is my 'man' is married and cannot cope with the guilt, so said he needed to end our 10 month affair, like you I have been receiving constant texts.. . And when I delib keep my answers short or 'one liners' he hates it!!
I feel I cannot win, he wanted to end us, I definitely did not, we both admitted we have very strong feelings for each other, but he felt it had to stop.. . Yet He is the one still contacting ME!
Also like you, I wonder am I clinging onto hope that he maybe feels he made the wrong decision??
I wish these guys would just tell us how the feel, what they want and stop playing games!

Very surprised no one has answered your question, I hope some smart person does soon and give us the advice we need.
Good Luck x misskm

I'm going to go with the majority here.. you are his rebound.. a lot of times people get involved with other people to take their minds off the hurt of another break up... now I will say that it doesn't mean he isn't into you because it sounds like he is but he is using that to cope with his pain and that's not cool... either he wants to be with you or he doesn't.. either you want to put up with this or you don't... but if he's been clear that he doesn't want to be in a relationship then tell him he needs to stay away if its going to hurt you... once you make that clear if he TRULY wants to be with you he will change his tune really quickly... I can't say that rebound relationships are totally bad because they have a tendency to grown into something more.. ive done it a few times myself... sometimes you aren't really looking for anything but it just comes along... but there's a risk with that... and the question is do you want to take that risk?

Thread closed. This thread was from May and the OP has not returned.