She doesn't call. She never invites me to come to see her. She won't come to my house. We have never had good relationship and she reuses to talk about why. I have a pitentially fatal heart condition and she didn't even come to the hospital when I was in last time nor does she call to see how I am. I think she really hates me and to tell you the truth I have started to hate her.

How was she as a child? When did this break begin?

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Originally Posted by helias

She doesn't call. She never invites me to come to see her. She wont come to my house. We have never had good relationship and she reuses to talk about why. I have a pitentially fatal heart condition and she didnt even come to the hospital when I was in last time nor does she call to see how I am. I think she really hates me and to tell you the truth I have started to hate her.

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Hi, helias!

I'm not sure what your question is here...

Are you wanting to be on friendly terms with her, or learn how to cope with the fact that you've written her off, please?

Thanks!

I am trying to cope with the fact that I have written her off.

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Originally Posted by Wondergirl

How was she as a child? When did this break begin?

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She was distant as a child but since I was a single parent from age 8 she really had no choice. The break really came when she finished college

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Originally Posted by helias

She was distant as a child but since i was a single parent from age 8 she really had no choice. The break really came when she finished college

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If I were you, I would always take the high road -- cards at birthday and other holidays, a friendly note now and then. She may never come around, but at least you will know you made the effort and didn't allow hate to possess you. After all, hate hurts the hater more than the one who is hated, so be kind to yourself and do the right thing.

If you have time, please give some of that leftover love and patience and motherliness to people who come here to this site for help. Or volunteer somewhere for a few hours a week -- at a library or an animal shelter or a hospital or a nursing home -- in honor of your daughter.

You have a good heart; that shines through your words. I'm glad I've met you, if only electronically.

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Originally Posted by Wondergirl

If I were you, I would always take the high road -- cards at birthday and other holidays, a friendly note now and then. She may never come around, but at least you will know you made the effort and didn't allow hate to possess you. After all, hate hurts the hater more than the one who is hated, so be kind to yourself and do the right thing.

If you have time, please give some of that leftover love and patience and motherliness to people who come here to this site for help. Or volunteer somewhere for a few hours a week -- at a library or an animal shelter or a hospital or a nursing home -- in honor of your daughter.

You have a good heart; that shines through your words. I'm glad I've met you, if only electronically.

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Thanks so much for your kind words. What bothers me the most is that she doesn't seem to care that I want nothing more to do with her.

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Originally Posted by helias

Thanks so much for your kind words. What bothers me the most is that she doesn't seem to care that I want nothing more to do with her.

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My two adult sons didn't "care" for years that I had spent time feeding them and diapering them and singing to them and reading books to them and making sure they had good educations. Even now in their 30s, they still aren't quite ready to give me any credit for pouring the foundation that they have been able to build a solid life on top of. Did I do it to get their thanks? No, I did it because I wanted to be a mom and give them the best start that I knew how to give, much the same start my parents gave to me.

I'm so glad I finally snapped to my senses before my dad died and properly thanked my parents for everything they have done for me -- thanks for all the love they have given, all the sacrifices they have made. Maybe before I die, my sons will thank me, but, if they don't, that's okay. I know I did right by them because I see how they are happy and successful in their own skin and in the world. That's thanks enough for me. If we never talked again, my heart would break, but I would be okay. I know I'm a good mom. You are too, helias. Nothing can change that.