I just wanted to know what everyone thought . So, I was wondering; does it need improvement or should I leave it be?

Here it is:

Cleft lip and or cleft palate is a very common form of birth defect not usually talked about until it happens to you or someone you know.

Hmmmm. I think it's too vague -- needs more substance.

What is the class you are doing this for?

How long does the paper have to be?

What is to be the point of your paper, i.e. what are you going to prove or discuss?

The statement can be 25 words or less.

How about if I add one in every 700 babies born with a cleft lip and or palate.

Quote:

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Originally Posted by wasusank

the statement can be 25 words or less.

how about if I add one in every 700 babies born with a cleft lip and or palate.

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Is that true -- did you check the statistic? Or is it something you copied off the same web site I saw it on?

Please answer my questions from earlier. What class is this for, etc. I have an idea for a knock-their-socks-off thesis statement, but it depends on why you're writing this and what you want to prove.

It is for COM/150 - EFFECTIVE ESSAY WRITING and it is my topic for my expositary essay for my final paper but I need a thesis statement. This is a topic close to my heart as my youngest son was born with a cleft lip and palate

That one in 700 came from my paperis my son surgeon gave us

How about:

Even though cleft lip/cleft palate is fairly common and occurs in 1 in 700 births, clefting is not usually talked about until it happens to your child.

28 words

How's that?

Sounds much better then mine thank you

Quote:

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Originally Posted by wasusank

sounds much better then mine thank you

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It's both of your ideas. I just combined them.