In love w/ a married man but didn't know he was married.
I've been in a relationship with a guy since October 2009. In recent months (March) I found out that he was married but when I confronted him, he didn't confirm or deny it. We broke up and stop talking for about two weeks. However, we started talking and spending time together like before but the thought of him being married always bothered me so I sat him down and told him that he'd have to give me an explanation for everything or lose me forever. He went on to explain that he was divorce but didn't think he'd had to tell me since it was no longer an important issue in his life. I had trouble accepting why he was so hesitant to come clean when I first confronted him but I gave him the benefit of the doubt.
Everyone I talked to about the issue told me that it was best for me to walk away but I stayed because I wanted to believe his words and I did (with doubts).
I found out he was married through Myspace (silly, I know) but a gut feeling told me that something wasn't right and to do some research. I did and found his old myspace page (last log in: June 09) and saw photos of the two of them on a cruise and he of course, had a ring on and so did she. (he told me about the cruise before and when I asked who he went with, he said a friend of his and I left it alone since it was before my time). I later searched around Facebook and found his family members (I know most of his siblings' names since he talks about them constantly) and recently, I searched myspace again and found his wife. On her status, she posted, "My baby is coming home..." and there are tons of photos of them and their twin girls together from vacations, their wedding, summer 09 (he said they divorced in 08). Everything on her myspace page tells me that they are clearly still married and the cruise pictures I found were actually not their honeymoon but her birthday/2nd year anniversary cruise. I want to contact his siblings and his wife, to get the truth from them since he won't give it to me but I know that there's a possibility of me getting curse out (which I don't care about) or me damaging the marriage and I cannot do that, I cannot hurt his girls by telling their mother that their father is unfaithful.
I feel like such an idiot searching around the web looking for clues when everything is clearly right in front of my eyes. Searching around plainly shows that I have no trust in him and it's true that I shouldn't be with someone I cannot trust...
The problem is, I've always had trust issues but him and I both talked about it when we first got together and decided that it'd be worth it to try and I was slowly learning to trust him but as a woman and as person with a dream of some day becoming an FBI agent, I listened to my guts instinct and did research (of course, my findings hurt me badly).
I know all the steps that I need to take to get over him and to move on with my life but it's so hard to emotionally detached myself from him. What hurts the most is the fact that he not only lied to me but had the audacity to betray his wife and his girls, especially his girls and coming from a family where my own father betrayed my mother, I know how much it'd hurts and for me to realize that I'm the "other" woman and I didn't know it, kills me. Now that I know the truth and is willing to accept it this time around, I am going to end the relationship but I'm so torn and broken from it.
He treated me really well before I found out and even after I confronted him and decided to give it one more shotdespite the fact that he lied to me. He cooks for me, cleans up after me, comes home to me every night and vice versa, he listnes, gives me advice, help me with out so many different things. He's with me almost all day since we work close to each other. We are both in the military and stationed overseas which probably made it easier for him to do what he did. What I'm so confused about is why his wife never calls (unless they email while he's at work or he calls her during the few hours that I'm not with him).
We have unprotected sex (even before I was on BC--why did he take the risk of getting me pregnant?) and we're extremely intimate with each other. We spend the majority of our days together except for when we're at work. We meet for lunch and we eat dinner together. We go to bed together and wake up together and she has never called (what if she doesn't have his number?) It simply does not make any sense to me.
I am so in love with him but I know what I have to do. The hard part is having the strength to do it. It's a bit easier to handle and deal with since he's on leave in the states but the pain, the hurt, the tears that I'm trying to hold back--they eat at me all day and it's affecting my school work, work and personal well being. I KNOW that I NEED to move on and let go and I'm sure that in time, I will but right now, all I see is a dark tunnel and all I feel is pain.
I'm not quite sure what I'm asking or what I'm looking for. I guess I just need a place to vent and hear others' thoughts, opinions, and advices. I need strength so please, if you can... give me some comforting words, can I draw on your strength to overcome this, for myself?