I don't know if it's me or him I'm driving myself crazy. We've been together 3+ years and in the beginning naturally everything was always hot but as the years passed it's not the same. He literally lasts for like a minute sometimes and at most lately 5 minutes but it's never about me. I initiate it and he climaxes, I don't. And if that's not bad enough, now I only get it once a week if I'm lucky and because I initiate it then I get more frustrated because it doesn't last long and it's all about him. I've tried talking to him about it but he gets offended and defensive and the topic changes to it being my fault. I'm 99% sure he's not cheating and I know he jerks off to porn. The whole sexy thing doesn't work either he gets turned on but he doesn't do anything about it and I refuse to do all the work myself if I'm not being pleased. I walked home crying today after a build up of frustration and getting him turned on only so he could turn on his xbox and play with his friends I feel like I'm begging it's so degrading but I don't know what to do... :-(... any advice?

First how old are you?

How is the rest of the relationship going? Oftentimes when guys start to detach from sex it's because there is something else going on either physically or emotionally.

I notice you said that you always initiate sex, what happens if you don't? What would happen if you allowed the sexual tension to build up and let him initiate sex?

Ultimately though, if you want to find out what's happening and you want to change what's happening - you need to talk. Yep. Somehow, you both need to connect so that you can discuss your sexual relationship.

It's got to be out of the bedroom and you should avoid talking about what your needs are, and how you don't get enough. What does he want? What's changed for him? Perhaps this is where you need to start.

If he doesn't want to talk about it and he doesn't want to change it - then you might not have a future as a couple.

I'm 20 been with him since I was 17 and he's 21. We've had conversations about if before he just gets defensive and he turns the conversation into me criticizing him and then I feel guilty. If I don't initiate sex and it builds up eventually he initiates it but then it lasts for like a minute and its over.

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Originally Posted by bbydomini17

im 20 been with him since i was 17 and he's 21. we've had conversations about if before he just gets defensive and he turns the conversation into me criticizing him and then i feel guilty. if i don't initiate sex and it builds up eventually he initiates it but then it lasts for like a minute and its over.

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Well, he's old enough to start having a mature conversation about your relationship.

Don't have a conversation about sex, try to find out what has changed for him - what's different, what's he feeling?

If he won't talk and gets defensive and the sex is awful, perhaps you need to question if you want to be with him any more.

No point in you making all the effort, if he won't do anything in return or won't respond.