Political Systems Explained
The latest version of a classic:
DEMOCRAT
You have two cows. Your neighbor has none. You feel guilty for being
Successful. Barbara Streisand sings for you.
REPUBLICAN
You have two cows. Your neighbor has none. So?
SOCIALIST
You have two cows. The government takes one and gives it to your neighbor. You
Form a cooperative to tell him how to manage his cow.
COMMUNIST
You have two cows. The government seizes both and provides you with milk. You
Wait in line for hours to get it. It is expensive and sour.
CAPITALISM, AMERICAN STYLE You have two cows. You sell one, buy a bull, and
Build a herd of cows.
DEMOCRACY, AMERICAN STYLE
You have two cows. The government taxes you to the point you have to sell both
To support a man in a foreign country who has only one cow, which was a gift
From your government.
BUREAUCRACY, AMERICAN STYLE You have two cows. The government takes them both,
Shoots one, milks the other, pays you for the milk, and then pours the milk
Down the drain.
AMERICAN CORPORATION
You have two cows. You sell one, lease it back to yourself and do an IPO on the
2nd one. You force the two cows to produce the milk of four cows. You are
Surprised when one cow drops dead. You spin an announcement to the analysts
Stating you have down sized and are reducing expenses. Your stock goes up.
FRENCH CORPORATION
You have two cows. You go on strike because you want three cows. You go to
Lunch and drink wine. Life is good.
JAPANESE CORPORATION
You have two cows. You redesign them so they are one tenth the size of an
Ordinary cow and produce twenty times the milk. They learn to travel on
Unbelievably crowded trains. Most are at the top of their class at cow school.
GERMAN CORPORATION
You have two cows. You engineer them so they are all blond, drink lots of beer,
Give excellent quality milk, and run a hundred miles an hour. Unfortunately
They also demand 13 weeks of vacation per year.
ITALIAN CORPORATION
You have two cows but you don't know where they are. While ambling around, you
See a beautiful woman. You break for lunch. Life is good.
RUSSIAN CORPORATION
You have two cows. You have some vodka. You count them and learn you have five
Cows. You have some more vodka. You count them again and learn you have 42
Cows. The Mafia shows up and takes over however many cows you really have.
TALIBAN CORPORATION
You have all the cows in Afghanistan, which are two. You don't milk them
Because you cannot touch any creature's private parts. Then you kill them and
Claim a US bomb blew them up while they were in the hospital.
IRAQI CORPORATION
You have two cows. They go into hiding. They send radio tapes of their mooing.
POLISH CORPORATION
You have two bulls. Employees are regularly maimed and killed attempting to
Milk them.
FLORIDA CORPORATION
You have a black cow and a brown cow. Everyone votes for the best looking one.
Some of the people who like the brown one best, vote for the black one. Some
People vote for both. Some people vote for neither. Some people can't figure
Out how to vote at all. Finally, a bunch of guys from out-of-state tell you
Which is the best looking cow.
CALIFORNIAN
You have a cow and a bull. The bull is depressed. It has spent its life living
A lie. It goes away for two weeks. It comes back after a taxpayer-paid sex-
Change operation. You now have two cows. One makes milk; the other doesn't. You
Try to sell the transgender cow. Its lawyer sues you for discrimination. You
Lose in court. You sell the milk-generating cow to pay the damages. You now
Have one rich, transgender, non-milk-producing cow. You change your business to
Beef. PETA pickets your farm. Jesse Jackson makes a speech in your driveway.
Cruz Bustamante calls for higher farm taxes to help "working cows". Hillary
Clinton calls for the nationalization of 1/7 of your farm "for the children".
Gray Davis signs a law giving your farm to Mexico. The L.A. Times quotes five
Anonymous cows claiming you groped their teats. You declare bankruptcy and shut
Down all operations. The cow starves to death. The NY Times' analysis shows
Your business failure is Bush's fault!
