I know I am going to get a lot of grief for this but... I also have a out of control 12 year old girl and I really hate it when everyone wants to blame mom and dad. Why? Maybe because it is easier. Let me explain my reason for thinking parents are not always to blame. I have 3 girls ages are 14,12, and 7. The only one out of control is the 12 year old and I believe if the problem was me they all would be devils...

I'm not sure what your question is.

Are you asking for help with your 12 year old?

I agree, to a point. No, it is not always the parents' fault when I child misbehaves. Sometimes there is a medical reason (chemical or hormone imbalance or developemental disability). However, if that is not the case, then it's often that the parenting technique used for one child just isn't effective with the other.

So what do you consider out of control? And are you asking for help? What have you done now to help her? What is she doing that is out of control and how do you react?

So what is the problem, is she not doing dishes or sleeping with boys on the couch. ( or perhaps somewhere in between) What is the problems, what have you tried as punishments and/or rewards to deal with it.

Some children require a lot more work than others. Maybe it would be better not to worry about blaming yourself or your child but at looking at the problem and how to fix it. We should never feel blamed just because we need to ask for help. Some problems are just too big at times. We try to be the best parents we can but nobody gets it right all the time. If you would like some suggestions, please share the problem with us. We might get it wrong, but if you get lots of answers you can see for yourself if you think anything will help. Wouldn't it be best to concentrate on helping your child regardless of who is at fault?

Ah,middle child.

Without any other information its hard to give you a good answer,or one that may help.

I was a middle child and caused my mothers grey hair ( so she says)!.

Ill check out some sites that may help and post a link.