So I have posted on the ask me helpdesk before about a previous relationship and got some great advice. This is the situation I am in now. I've been with my grilfriend for a year now and it has definitely been a great thing. We just found out last week that she Is pregnant. We took precautions as everyone would but unfortunately there was a problem with her birth control. Right now I'm 24 and graduated from college. She is 20 and half way through. I'm not making much money now but I know I can save enough and find a steady job now that I'm done schooling. Our parents are behind us but I'm really scared. We have to live together now and many things we wanted to do go out the window. I don't think I'm ready for a child. She wants to keep it and now I have to accept this. I need some advice and maybe someone who has been through this. I love her but I've been through a lot and marriage was always talked about but just not to happen yet. I want to be able to afford this, and stay positive but I can't. My parents are OK with it but my mom is still convincing us to rethink it. Thanks

Some of this is stuff you will have to decide yourself.

I will say that there is never the right time to have a baby, but once you have one, you don't regret it. The love you have for your child is totally unlike anything you have ever felt before. No matter how complicated your life becomes, a child is still a miracle.

When I first got pregnant, I was horrified and terrified. A baby was the very last thing I wanted. I even started to make arrangements to have the baby adopted, I was so sure I couldn't cope with a baby. I eventually decided to keep it, but when she was born, I couldn't believe how much I loved her, and how willingly I changed my whole life to accommodate her.

A child is a lifelong commitment, but one you won't regret. On the other hand, getting married just because your girlfriend is pregnant could be a huge mistake. Think very hard about this, make sure it is what you and your girlfriend want, don't just go with family pressure.

A friend of mine got married when she was 5 months pregnant. She said it ruined the first five years of her marriage, because it took her that long to be sure she got married for the right reasons.

Having a baby is enough to scare you even when circumstances are at their best.
Marriage is quite a commitment as well.
There is no law that says you two should get married, but you two should be a source of support to each other, you both will need it.
The baby is going to come regardless, but the marriage can be put on hold.

You're scared, you should be, it is a life long commitment. I was 28 years old and had been married for 5 years when my daughter came along and I was plenty scared.
I will say (as an old fashioned person I guess,) if you can't afford to get married, you can't afford to live together either. It's still the same amount of money.
I suggest she stay with her parents and you where ever you are staying and you both concentrate on this baby you're going to have.
The marriage will come at the right time and because you decide it is something you want to do.

Having a child is a scary thing, but doesn't mean you should get married, or even live together. That would be a mistake. You can still love, and support each other through this, as you continue to talk, and plan for what's in the best interest of your child.

You both have to make adjustments for your child, and many very difficult decisions down the road, but jumping from one unexpected event to another before your both ready may not be the wisest course of actions, seeing as how neither of you is ready at this point.

I think you slowdown on any future commitments until a lot more thought has gone into your next move, as it will affect both your futures. You can be effective, good loving parents, with out the pressure of living together, or marriage.

The last thing you need is to bring life into a situation where you both have a lot of learning yet to do, and conflicts to resolve.

There is really NO hurry, despite pressure from your families, as they seem to be ready to support you doing the right things for yourself. Yes, you will have to step up, and be responsible for what's best, and if you work at it honestly, it will work out for the best.

It won't be easy though, but its something you both have to work together on.

I wish you the best, at whatever decision you make. Just be a good dad who is there for his child, in all ways not just financially, whether marriage is in the cards, or not.

What does she feel about all this?

I agree with a lot of the advice you have received so far. There is really no reason to rush into getting married or moving in together. It may be best for both of you to remain where you are, making the transition into parenthood hopefully more smooth.

Whatever you decide, live together or not it will not work out if you both aren't committed to each other and to being good parents TOGETHER.