My ex will not let me travel outside the USA with our son. I have an daughter also from prior relationship before I married my ex husband. Whenever I travel he states that If I ever want to go anywhere I can take my daughter but have to leave my son behind. Which is hard for me to do, and don't think its fair that he is asking me to separate my kids. In my decree it is written as follow... Both parents are free to travel with in the USA upon the written agreement of the other parent. Any travel outside the USA will require a written notarized agreement of the other parent. All agreements must include dates of departure and returen, the destination flight info, copies of the round trip ticket purchases, and emergency contact info.
My ex lives on the west coast of the USA and I'm on the east coast. If I just wanted to go to another state in the USA for holidays, he says I can't go. His excuse in an email from last week was that he wanted to make my life hard for me. I don't think its fair that this man has this much control over me. What are my rights? What do I do about this?

Look at it this way... assume HE had the kids and was the one wanting to take them.

Lots of non-custodial parents take kids out of the country never to return, sometimes it's the father, sometimes it's the mother. THAT is why these laws are on the books. And why he has the right to do this... just as you would if the roles were reversed.

But Im an American!! BORN and Raised here!! So is my husband. You can not up and move to another country and just live there when you're an American.

I don't care that we have this implaced in the Decree, my complaint is the fact that he nevers lets me go anywhere. How would you like it if you wanted to take the kids to the beach in the next state like Florida and your ex wife husband said no! Only because they wanted to keep a hold on you. I'm a very outgoing person raised by parents that took my sister and I on travel around the world on Holidays. He stated It was only because he is mad at me because he has to pay support. If he wan't to take our son on a trip let say to England.. like he did his other ex wife son. Then I'm all for it, because Im a believer that kids need to experience other people and places. This is about HATE! And he stated this in a email. All I wanted to know from others is how and what can I do? And what are my rights? Not what if its on the other foot. Because I'm not that type of person to limit my kids, and my ex knows this!

Don't misunderstand me... I feel for you. Just stating why the law exists. Yes its inconvienient and can be abused and is sometimes. But it does require consent. I wouldn't do it on the phone. I'd have your lawyer draft a request to his lawyer. Keep it civil of course, and let him refuse in writing. But like I said... legally both parents have to agree, because of what has occurred with others which prompted the law to be enacted.

Fact is it is in the decree, and legally you are both obligated to honor its terms. Any modifications or changes would have to be handled via a lawyer in front of a judge... and this of course.. would involve him and his lawyer.

As unfair as a law may seem... it helps to view it from the other perspective as well. Any of us can find ourselves on either end of such a situation.

It's just not fair he took his ex wife son to London why can't I take our son to London? He can travel with his ex wife kid but I can travel with our son. Ok I'm done! Ill just have to find a way to do this free, I'm still paying the 13k from the divorce

Try to view it from this perspective. You MIGHT get what you want IF you can avoid provoking a knee jerk reaction from him. I can sense a LOT of hostility towards him and that will encourage him to do it just because he can. Just try and understand its not all about you, or about him. The law isn't there for the purpose of one ex spouse to play games with the other. It's there to keep one ex spouse out of spite from moving across the country... or taking a kid and leaving the country for good.

Since money is tight... my personal recommendation is remember the old saying...

"You can attract more flies with Honey than with vinegar."

Try to be the more mature person, set aside all this bitterness, be the civil one and you might find he digs his heels in a bit less. In other words being combative is going to provoke a like response and you fail to accomplish what you set out to do.

Remember it takes two to argue. Eventually you might get what you are asking for IF it isn't made to appear to appear to be a battle that someone has to lose for one side to win.

The only people who make out in a bitter divorce are the Lawyers.

I am sorry to hear what you are going through. I was there also, the children have a great grandmother in Morelia, Mexico. For six years mother would never allow me to take them. I finally did a an order to show cause and provided a detail schedule of the trip. Needless to say court aproved to obtain a passport without the mothers signature. I am allowed to take the children out of the country but with mothers approval and if she denies then with the courts approval. Its important to schedule your vacations appropiatly and considering the other parent and giving plenty of notice. Its not fun filling orders and showing up in court to get approval for taking the children out of the state.

Thank you armandoalejos you give me hope! I found a lawyer that will fight for me. Wish me luck and blessings, as I do for you. I'll keep you posted

Smoothy are you a lawyer? You keep making comments like you know the whole story. You speak like my ex you speak.. with opinions and believe it to be true. I'm not the one who is bitter, he is. I do not argue with him and never did. I'm only asking for true facts on how and what I need to do but it doesn't matter it's going to cost me money I don't have, just because I do have a bitter ex, who tells me all the time he just wants to make my life hard. Trust me he can care less where our son goes. Just like he did with his ex wife son. A man that tells you that he never wanted to marry you right after you have his child.. doesn't sound like a man who really cares for the child... now does it?:rolleyes:

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Originally Posted by travelmum

Smoothy are you a lawyer? You keep making comments like you know the whole story. You speak like my ex you speak.. with opinions and believe it to be true. I'm not the one who is bitter, he is. I do not argue with him and never did. I'm only asking for true facts on how and what I need to do but it doesn't matter it's going to cost me money I don't have, just because I do have a bitter ex, who tells me all the time he just wants to make my life hard. Trust me he can care less where our son goes. Just like he did with his ex wife son. A man that tells you that he never wanted to marry you right after you have his child.. doesn't sound like a man who really cares for the child...now does it?:rolleyes:

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Listen... I'm not taking anyone's side here much less his (I don't know the story and don't need to)... I DO read a LOT of bitterness in your posts. I am only sugesting you try to take the moral high road and be the one who is the one to STOP this unproductive snipping. First off, you don't live with him any more, and Its hard to have an argument with yourself... and if you give him a reason to react... he's going to. Just like you are reacting to what he does. I'd offer him the same advice if he was reading this thread. You are both divorced... stop the petty war because it's the kids who will suffer the most. I don't care who started it, who did what, just one of you has to step up to the plate and be the more mature adult... and decide they are above this sort of behaviour... you might be surprised how quickly this can defuse a contentious situation instead of each side provoking yet another knee jerk reaction. And using his veto power is a legal and legitimate knee jerk reaction to what he see's as continuing hostility from your side.

Are YOU not more willing to do something if asked by someone who is nice to you... or if you are being threatened or intimidated to do the very same thing by someone who finds fault in everything?

The answer is really quite simple if you think about it...

You don't HAVE to like someone to be cordial and respectful to them. Ask any salesman.....and what you do here is have to sell the idea to him....he is under no legal obligation to buy it unless he wants to.

Try viewing it from THAT angle.

True facts are codified in the law. He as a parent has a legal right to assure the other parent does not leave the country with the child or children potientially permanently. In many cases they can also prevent you from moving out of the state.

You refuse to accept that he has this legal right... just as you would if the situation was reversed. This exists to protect the rights of both parents to have visitation rights to their kids. It doesn't exist to punish one parent or the other.

Too many parents use their children as weapons in and after a divorce. They may take them and leave the country... or even move across the country out of spite.

And most importantly... chosing to not continue a war with him will drop your stress levels... all of us have a limited amount of days on this earth... why waste any of them feuding with someone you don't have to deal with every day. Let him fight with himself.

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Originally Posted by travelmum

it's just not fair he took his ex wife son to London why can't i take our son to London? he can travel with his ex wife kid but i can travel with our son. Ok im done! ill just have to find a way to do this free, im still paying the 13k from the divorce

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Im going to answer this for you since you don't seem to understand the dynamics of what is going on. The fact that he traveled with someone else who was a parent has no bearing on your case. He is not legally obligated to that child unless he himself adopted them. So the decision is mute. It wasn't his decision in the first place. Now when talking about his own child. Then he has a voice in what's going on because he is the legal parent. As such he has a say in things going on in their life. You are mixing apples and oranges when you think he had a right to refuse with someone else's child. It wasn't his choice to begin with. And that is exactly how the courts are going to see it if you try to bring it up.

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Originally Posted by califdadof3

Im going to answer this for you since you dont seem to understand the dynamics of what is going on. The fact that he traveled with someone else who was a parent has no bearing on your case. He is not legally obligated to that child unless he himself adopted them. So the decision is mute. It wasnt his decision in the first place. Now when talking about his own child. Then he has a voice in whats going on because he is the legal parent. As such he has a say in things going on in thier life. You are mixing apples and oranges when you think he had a right to refuse with someone elses child. It wasnt his choice to begin with. And that is exactly how the courts are going to see it if you try to bring it up.

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Califdad, you are wasting your time, energy and breath -

Travelmom just REDDIED me because I posted SS Law (straight from the site, including the site info) - and she doesn't agree with SS Law.

Classic!

You are able to take the children out of the country if you go the proper way. First make the plans well in advance with a detailed intenerary. Let the other parent know verbally and in writing that you would like his support and approval. If he denies it schedule a court hearing and mediation and prepare a order to show cause.

I was able to take the children to mexico visit relative, it is important you provide locations were you are going to stay and phone numbers. I had to follow the steps listed above, I wish you luck.

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Originally Posted by armandoalejos

You are able to take the children out of the country if you go the proper way. First make the plans well in advance with a detailed intenerary. Let the other parent know verbally and in writting that you would like his support and approval. If he denies it schedule a court hearing and mediation and prepare a order to show cause.

I was able to take the children to mexico visit relative, it is important you provide locations were you are going to stay and phone numbers. I had to follow the the steps listed above, I wish you luck.

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In my area you don't need an Order to Show Cause - you go to Court and apply for this relief.

You also need written permission from both parents in order to leave the Country with a child.

I am in the same situation and it funny how everyone says that you need to put the children first, and be the bigger person. All the time I did this it went unnoticed. My rights as the custodial parent irgnored however now I'm the difficult one since I don't want to be disrespected in front of my kids. Everyday I put my kids first... everyday... I haven't been able to travel with them out of the country however provide the consent with their Father. How is this fair ? I have been told to suck it up... Children's services are involved because they are concerned about my children's emotional state however I'm the one goinig through all the stress. My kids have no respect for me since they are being brain washed. I'm sure people we say that I'm bitter but really I worned and tried. I cannot continue this fight for much longer... my rights are being violated but I should just comply and end up with my kids have no respect for me.

This is a Q and A site. Do you have a question?

If it's about your rights, how are they being violated?

There is a court order in place. The kids live with me and their Father has access. He ensure that's he is always late when dropping the kids back for my access and keeps them for an additional day since the court order does not define stat holiday's etc. My access is being reduced on a regular basis (weekends) and the police and courts will not assist... What can I do to get the court order in place police enforcable?

Go back to Court and ask for more specific visitation hours. I don't know that the present Order isn't being enforced if it doesn't address specific hours.

Is that your question?

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Originally Posted by so tried

... I haven't been able to travel with them out of the country however provide the consent with their Father. How is this fair ? ...

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Has nothing to do with fair. It's the law. You can't get a passport for your children without both parents' written consent (possible exceptions apply). That's the way it is.