I have been with guy1 for almost two and a half years and guy2 has been our best friend the whole time. When I first got with guy1, I was low on myself and clung to him. He claimed he didn't have a girlfriend but he did and I stayed with him while he was still seeing her and told her he didn't care about me. She then broke up with him and he was mean to me for awhile. Guy2 was there through all of this and was always good to me. Guy1 started to eventually become a better boyfriend but we were ALWAYS fighting and everything had to be his way and he just said such mean things sometimes. Especially when he didn't get what he wanted. Guy2 was always there and knew what was going on because he was guy1's roommate. I never started having feelings for guy2 until the end of my relationship with guy1 and then guy2 was all I could think about. I started having sex dreams about him and always thinking about him. How he would treat me like a princess and was already my best friend. So I broke up with guy1 because I got to the point where I couldn't stand for him to even touch me and I thought it was something wrong with me. I couldn't stand him anymore. I started seeing guy 2 and he was AWESOME. He treated me like no one else ever had. Like any girl would dream about and he was always saying, "your amazing, your irressitble, I will never love any girl but you" and on top of that we are great friends! Guy1 went nuts. He started stalking me and wanted to fight guy2. So it has been about 2 months and things have died down. Now I am starting to fill the guilt for up and leaving guy1 and missing him too. But I don't know why! I couldn't stand to be with him when I left him! Guy2 is crazy about me and is so awesome I don't know why I even think about guy1. I think I need some advice, I am just so confused and missing guy1 but guy2 is the man of my dreams. Why am I doing this to myself?

Relax, it's a natural feeling. He is no longer in your life so it'll take a few months to get used to that. I don't agree with what you did to two friends at all but that's not the point.

Guy 1 is gone, leave him that way. You don't get to have the attention of two men anymore, lets see if guy 2 can really make up for what you are missing from guy 1.

Whether he was mean or not, Guy 1 deserves to be left alone and not bothered. He certainly doesn't need any more problems in his life because of you.

Are Guy 1 and 2 still roommates?

Yes they are. And we all have to see each other everyday because of a program in college we are in together. We can't get out of it but they are trying to find other places to live. I think some of it is the guilt that has finally kicked in. He did some awful things in the beginning and I tried to convince myself it was karma but then karma is going to come back on me too. I told guy2 that he was going to lose his friend if we did this, but he said he never really thought he was a very good friend because guy1 was always kind of an to him too. Anyway you look at it, I can't justify it. It was one of those things you look at and say, "What the f*** was I thinking?"

Unfortunately, sometimes, when a person is in an abusive, unbalanced or otherwise unhealthy relationship, it becomes the 'norm' for future relationships. You expect to be treated the same way you were, because you didn't allow yourself the time and distance from #1, to figure out why your needs were not met in the relationship, and why it didn't work out.

To complicate things, you were involved with #2 and quickly moved to him, and you aren't comfortable (I suspect) with being treated as you should be treated. He sounds very respectful and kind, and quite the opposite to #1.

To go from doing all the giving with #1, to suddenly being in a more balanced relationship, might be a bit overwhelming because you did not expect, and maybe don't think, that you are in a far better place than you were.

You may not think that you deserve the treatment you are receiving now, and you're more comfortable being with #1, at least you know what to expect, and it has/had become comfortable.

My advice to you is to spend some time with yourself. Allow yourself to critically analyze each relationship. What needs are/were being met with each one, even if it's negative. Write your thoughts out if you have to to help you see and reflect on what YOU want in a relationship, and list your needs if you have to.

The only person who can figure out what you want and need in a relationship is up to you. It isn't up to who you are with to mould you into their version of who they think you should be.

You are very right and what you said makes a lot of sense. I'm pretty sure this is the first healthy relationship I've been in my whole life. I never knew my father and my mother has a tendency for unhealthy relationships. I always felt like guy #1 was mean but he knew what was best for me and would ultimately make sure I got that. But I felt I always had to fight for it and it should have just come out of love, not out of begging. Guy #2 is genuinely a nice guy and I often find myself wondering why we aren't fighting. I start yelling at him and he just looks confused and I think Im crazy. I guess I feel like love should be complicated and if it's not then there is something wrong. I think some of the hard time I am having with guy2 is that he doesn't understand where Im coming from because he has never been in a relationship and says he has only ever cared for me. I just don't know how to react to this... I have never come first. Guy1 still texts and says he wants to be friends and then he will say, "lets go to dinner." and then when I say no he immediately doesn't want to be my friend again and I don't understand him. Its like it's a game to him and he wants to take me away from guy2. I will follow your advice and write some things down. Maybe I need to talk to guy2 and tell him why Im confused.

The solution is --- Marry a prince of your dreams and Start your new life & forget the past ------- When you feel the love you will forget the past .

This is my proposal

Kes, you're a smart girl and I'm impressed that you are starting to figure this out.

That's a good point about always having the same type of relationships, and you can't be faulted for floundering around trying to get your footing with a man who treats you well.

Keep writing, come to terms with the end of the relationship with #1, and realize that you have so much more to offer, and deserve so much more, from a healthier relationship.

I've known women who have bounced through many relationships, and of my closer friends, all the men could have been clones.

Accept that you are worthy and deserving of being treated as an equal, and treated well with respect and understanding.

I hope you'll post again, and all the best of luck to you.

I think one problem is you got out of one relationship and jumped into another. You needed time to heal and find out who you are.
You don't know how you are to be treated because you have been treated poorly. Leave guy#1 alone, he means you no good. You deserve to be treated well.
If guy2 is the one for you, talk to him about your feelings. Don't let him assume anything, keep the lines of communication open.

I wish you well

So this weekend was tough. Guy1 came over and talked to me and told me how he had met a girl and he really liked her. He told me how he has completely changed his ways and he goes to church now. He said he has been treating her right and has bought her flowers and coffee and been a great guy. He said he wants me to be happy for him because he is happy for me. Well Im just like... "you never bought me even a petal the whole time were dating..." Why should I be happy for him? I am very bitter because I should have been enough for him to want to do those things for me. I know I should be happy for him but I'm still missing him. Guy2 is just amazing and I don't know why I still feel like this. Then me and guy1 got in a fight and he told me she was so much smarter and had so many more goals. How is this suppose to make me feel? What kind of reaction am I suppose to give? I am just all around confused on why I even care.

Leave him alone, he didn't treat you right anyway. You care because he has changed with someone else.
You two brought out the ugly in each other, you were not a match. Now it is time to get yourself together and move on.

Spend some time alone. Get to know who you are apart from either of those guys.

Be happy that he has some one he cares enough about to change and then you start to work on yourself so that you can accept the decent treatment you get from John.

How did you know his name is John?

Sorry, I must have gotten his name confused with another OP.
Lucky guess though.


Yep, that's what I did. I was just answering a post with someone with that name.

Wow that is a crazy coincidence. Hmmm maybe there's my sign! Haha Well, I think your right. I need to be happy that he has found someone he wants to change for. He deserves to be happy just as much as I do. And I am happy, I just started to feel this guilt and missing him feeling all of the sudden. And the weird thing is we would spend summers apart and I would never miss him. I don't know where these feelings came from all of the sudden and I was feeling them a little before he told me about her. I almost thought she was just to make me jealous and its not that Im jealous of her but Im jealous of the actions towards her. Its just something Ive never been through before. I know John is the one for me and there can't be anyone who God made more for me. I guess I was just hoping I could skate through this break up without any feelings but I guess I was wrong.

Well that's the way it goes. There is no easy way to get over a person, but you seem to be on the right track.
You'll be OK.
I wish you well

I told him I wanted to take time and he understood even though it was hard. I wanted to call my ex but I didn't and when he found he called me. He was very confusing and said that I need to do what is right for me whatever that is. He said he felt the same way when he broke up with his ex and got with me because he was confused and wanted to go back to her at first. He said but he was glad he didn't because of what came out of it instead. And I was thinking "Me breaking up with and getting with our best friend two years later?" But Im pretty sure that is the smartest thing I've ever heard him say and the best piece of advice he could have given me.

It sounds like you both are moving in the right direction.
Hang in there young lady.

Jumping from guy to guy, without any healing time, and keeping in contact with exes while you try to build something with another guy, is very confusing. Its supposed to be, and not a good way to have healthy outlooks as to what you want.

Being single for a while is a great idea, good luck! Have No contact with either ex for as long as you need to.