I'm a 29 year-old man suffering from chronic depression. I love my family very much and my depression is hurting them. I feel so pathetic to have constant thoughts of suicide because I've been blessed with a wonder wife and child. I can't shake my desire to kill myself. I've had these feelings since childhood and I've tried many different medications. I'm currently on Zoloft (200/day) and I've been gradually decreasing my dosage, so I can go through with it and allow my wife and child to move on. I'm doing this gradually because I have many things to straighten out before I go. I know I will have more energy and anxiety as I lower my dosage, which I'm hoping will help me get things organized. I refuse to let my depression ruin my son's life like it has been ruining my wife's. I can't shake it and I have completely given up trying. I don't want to be depressed, but I'm in so much pain I can hardly move. I've read on the internet that I'm not likely to go through with this because the thought of suicide is comforting me. I hope this isn't true because I don't want my son to see this when he's old enough to understand. Can people live a life with severe depression without emotionally harming their children? I realize that suicide will leave my son not knowing his father, but I can't believe that will be worse than seeing me like this as he grows up. I'm very self destructive. I'm covered in scars and I've stopped taking care of myself. I realize that I'm married and therefore someone can stand to look at me, but I don't think it's easy for her. I think our son is keeping her from leaving me to find a better husband.

How much communication between you and your wife is there?

I am a 10+ attempted suicide survivor, each one more dramatic than the last.I have been there, since childhood too!

I OD'ed with my son in my arms,only to awaken to him needing my love and attentions.

I OD'ed with my ex-wife(I divorced her to remove myself from a situation like your in, and I couldn't stand being there, letting them see me go downhill), I awoke from that one and it took 3 days to recover.

I have done it,tried it,lived through it,been in the hospital for it... etc.

In all reality,I didn't want to die,I wanted the pain to go away.

My last attempt,about 1 year ago,landed me in the ICU for 4 days on a respirator,then inpatient for near 3 weeks:(,does this sound like a road you want them to see you go down?

She didn't marry you because there was a better husband out there,she married you because YOU ARE the better husband, you just don't see that right now.

If you think others don't relate to your feelings, your way wrong.I have been treated for my bipolar for near 13 years now, many cries for help have happened while I was being treated,, and I would stop taking meds, self medicate,question the doctors advice,in all reality, I took my life in my own hands,, what do you think the result was every time? Chaos,pains,heartbreak,recognizing that I failed,admission to others what I had done,inpatient stays in the hospitals,and back to the doctors and therapists.

In the last year,I have taken a new approach to my life.

I found a doctor I like.I found medications which I am not only willing to take as prescribed,but they actually work(I am also on Zoloft,and Depakote,Pristiq,trazodone,Ativan,Sonata)Yeah, lots of different meds, but I have been stable for a year too...

There is hope.There is always hope.otherwise we wouldn't reach out for help, we have some little flame of hope that someone just might understand and offer that helping hand.

I offer.Do you accept?

Your being very selfish and to think that if you commit suicide your effect will not be worse then living with depression is unbelievable.

Do you know how your suicide will effect your wife and your child. The loss will be a life time of horror that you would be creating and also setting an example to your son on what he should do when life is hard.

Do you want to teach him that suicide is the answer?

Do not take your medicine off without any doctor guidance. You need to stay in communication with your doctors and be honest with them.

Step #1 Call this number: 1-800-273-8255. There is someone there to work with you.

You are definitely not alone in depression. I have been on every single medication on the market and right now I take a cocktail of them and I can finally get out of bed in the morning. It's finding the right meds which took me about 5 years to find the proper doctor who new what she was doing. The right therapist which I will be honest with you took me about 4 years and the right support group which took me about a year to do. I'm slowly on the road to recovery. I to am married with 2 children and I suffer from bipolar, depression, manic and ADHD. My suicidal thoughts went away when I started taking my new cocktail of meds. It will happen but you have to relax and let others help you. ;)