We both thought we would be together forever, after about 7 years together, my boyfriends suggested maybe it's time to separate.

I still love him, but indeed not as strong as before. But I am so grateful to the wonderful life we have been together. He has supported me for everything that I want to do, he supports me to finish ph.d study. But indeed it seems that my study/research life is very different from his working life. He works in the finance sector, sometimes a lot of pressure, but in recent years, due to my increasing work load, I am not always there when he needs someone to talk. A few times, he tried to told me, but due to my stress, I told him that I want to see a strong man not a man who complains. After that, he always acts fine, and only till recently he told me that he tried to make me happy by telling me everything is fine.

I felt so guilty, I was stupid enough not to noice. And I am afraid once a man makes his mind, he really means it.

It's just after so many years, I don't know how to live without him. Probably I haven't given him much care in recent years, but no matter where I go, what I do, I always feel he is around. It is because of this, I can concentrate very well on my own career. Now, I just feel the whole world collapse, and I really don't know how to face it. I told him we can try again to improve it, and he said he doesn't know anymore.

There really is no easy pat answer. You stay away from him, no contact and you take it one day at a time.
You know what you have done that may have caused a rift, but he could have been feeling this way for a while. Sometimes relationships, no matter how many years, don't make it. People change, they grow apart for whatever reason.

I wish you well.

Lay it on the line and see how he reacts. Hope for the best.

If you're not ready to give up, then let him know that you're willing to work things out with him. There's no guarantee that he will feel the same way and you can't force him to get back with you, but you should still tell him how you feel.

However, 7 years is a very long commitment; therefore, if he's ready to break up with you, he must have been thinking about it for a while now. So his mind is fairly set. So unfortunately, if he doesn't give you any indication that he wants to continue the relationship, then you're better off heading your separate ways so that you don't prolong the suffering. In which case, no contact would be best (see the NC related threads in my signature).

You know seven years is a long time. He sounds like a good guy. There are a lot of women out there who would love a guy like him. Do you truly, truly, love this man? Do you want to stay with him because you love him or because you don't want to be alone?

If you love him and you want to spend the rest of your life with him, tell him that. Hold nothing back. You still may have a chance for you all to work it out. I hope you do and you have a great
Life together. Good Luck and remember tell him what's in your heart. Blessings:)

Sometimes when life starts to spin out of control, you need to stick your hand out, place it on the ground and make it stop.

With your studies, for a PH.D, it seems that you put him aside. Not only because of the workload your expected to do, but also because you're becoming a doctor of some kind, and he is still answering phones.

Some cases, men don't like to be the tag along. They want to be the money maker. You're relationship is switched around. You're the money maker, and he's going to be the house wife. You said something that made him really feel like that.

7 years is a long time.. 7 years gives room for mistakes and for forgiveness. You're really going to have to put him on a pedistol for him to realize how much you really do appreciate him. You just wrote that he made you feel powerful, even if he wasn't there, that he is a major security platform to your job... Have you told him that?

Maybe your relationship is falling apart because you're not expressing your feelings towards him. You're ignoring him each day. He wants to be your boyfriend, but you're being a business oriented person, which is fine, but you need spend some time with him too as just the girlfriend.

I hope you two work things out.

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Originally Posted by Lucky098

Sometimes when life starts to spin out of control, you need to stick your hand out, place it on the ground and make it stop.

With your studies, for a PH.D, it seems that you put him aside. Not only because of the workload your expected to do, but also because you're becoming a doctor of some kind, and he is still answering phones.

Some cases, men dont like to be the tag along. They want to be the money maker. Youre relationship is switched around. You're the money maker, and he's going to be the house wife. You said something that made him really feel like that.

7 years is a long time.. 7 years gives room for mistakes and for forgiveness. You're really going to have to put him on a pedistol for him to realize how much you really do appreciate him. You just wrote that he made you feel powerful, even if he wasnt there, that he is a major security platform to your job... Have you told him that?

Maybe your relationship is falling apart because you're not expressing your feelings towards him. You're ignoring him each day. He wants to be your boyfriend, but you're being a business oriented person, which is fine, but you need spend some time with him too as just the girlfriend.

I hope you two work things out.

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You are so right Lucky!

I am very grateful for all of you who gave me advice! I agree with what some of you said, maybe I haven't experessed my feeling enough. Sometimes, I just felt that we've known each other for quite some time, there is no need to really show sweetness. Rather, I always feel to have a successful life together was the purpose of us being in a relationship. Apparently this was wrong. My boyfriend has told me that it's stressful to be with me, although on the other hand he has made quite some successes after being with me. He felt he could no longer live to my expectation, and he tried to make me feel he is the right type of person that I should be with, but now he feels quite tired.
Well, I know sometimes I am too demanding. But life made me so during years. He is in europe, after having met him, I moved to europe as well. At that time, all my heart followed him. At the begening few years, we helped each other, we built a house together. But then I felt I need to have my own life as well, and then I tried my best to do a doctoral study, which he supported a lot.

Maybe my words are not very organized now... it's just through years, I felt my passion for love was not as explosive as before, rather I placed it in my heart. Can I say this is kind of friendship ? I just wonder if it is normal after years you start to feel that you are more like best friends.

I do care about him, and I am afriand if I insist being with him, what if he will be feeling even more stressful? I told him, I can change, because I want to stay together with him. Then he told me he doesn't want me to change, becausing changing or pretending something that I am not won't make me happy.
It's difficult to balance this now. I know he has pressure from his family as well, his parents are quite traditional europeans, they hope I could be a housewife who takes care of him and the family. If forcing a person's character won't make him/her happy, I wonder if I forces him to stay with me, will he be happy? After all, I really do hope he has a nice life and enjoy his life. If I had been such a bad girlfriend forcing him to hold back all his feelings, I wonder if accepting this fact is the best thing I can do for him? Maybe it's painful for both of us, but in the future he will have a better life?
...

I think the best you can do at this point is to leave him alone. He seems stressed and his mind made up. It sounds as though he has been feeling this way for a while.
Who knows, you two may make it back together, maybe not but you need to give him his space and you need to heal.
I wish you well.

Doesn't sound as if there are kids involved, so how long since the break up, and are you still in touch?

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Originally Posted by volia

I am very grateful for all of you who gave me advice! I agree with what some of you said, maybe I haven't expressed my feeling enough. Sometimes, I just felt that we've known each other for quite some time, there is no need to really show sweetness. Rather, I always feel to have a successful life together was the purpose of us being in a relationship. Apparently this was wrong. My boyfriend has told me that it's stressful to be with me, although on the other hand he has made quite some successes after being with me. He felt he could no longer live to my expectation, and he tried to make me feel he is the right type of person that I should be with, but now he feels quite tired.
Well, I know sometimes I am too demanding. But life made me so during years. He is in Europe, after having met him, I moved to Europe as well. At that time, all my heart followed him. At the beginning few years, we helped each other, we built a house together. But then I felt I need to have my own life as well, and then I tried my best to do a doctoral study, which he supported a lot.

maybe my words are not very organized now.... it's just through years, I felt my passion for love was not as explosive as before, rather I placed it in my heart. Can I say this is kinda friendship ? I just wonder if it is normal after years you start to feel that you are more like best friends.

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That is certainly a possibility. Sounds like you two were business partners. Maybe you were lovers but that does not mean you would be life long lovers.
Relationships are very complex, this is why communication is so important. Couples need to voice their feelings so no one is assuming anything.
It sounds to me you two kind of separated a while ago, separated couple wise.
I think if a person says they are stressed and needs a break you need to respect that. You two are not kids.

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Originally Posted by Homegirl 50

That is certainly a possibility. Sounds like you two were business partners. Maybe you were lovers but that does not mean you would be life long lovers.
Relationships are very complex, this is why communication is so important. Couples need to voice their feelings so no one is assuming anything.
It sounds to me you two kind of separated a while ago, separated couple wise.
I think if a person says they are stressed and needs a break you need to respect that. You two are not kids.

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I really hope you two work things out. You are both smart people... I think you can. Blessings:)

Maybe you two both need to re-evaluate your relationship? See if you both are just as in love with each other now, as you were when you first met.

I remember my dad once told me that relationships constantly change. You pull away from each other and then come together again. What makes a successful relationship work, is to recognize that. Relationships are hard work. Even the picture perfect relationships have a lot of work. And by work, I don't mean heavy, intensive labor, but more along the lines of remembering that person. Recognizing when they feel left out and running to their side when they need help. Supporting everything.. Knowing when to back off and knowning when to stand up and be strong.

I wouldn't quite throw the hat in yet. I think you two should maybe... get away for awhile. Just the two of you. Maybe that will rekindle the fire. Sometimes life really does cause you to forget. A nice vacation for the both of you may bring you both together again. Or, it might tell you that is truly time to move forward and find someone else.

Good luck

Lucky098 is right. Just step back and give him a little space. Your relationship may not be over, just in one of the "low" periods.

Good luck!

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Originally Posted by Devorameira

Lucky098 is right. Just step back and give him a little space. Your relationship may not be over, just in one of the "low" periods.

Good luck!

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I believe you two had and still have a good chance of working this out. Good Luck:)

Dear sweetheart.

Here it is. This is the letter I've always wanted to send you but couldn't. I know we've been together for 7 years. Lets get something straight. You know I Love you so much. I know you love me too, together we grew up learning, experiencing what that word Love really means. We are each other's first, I accepted who you are, supported you in everything that you do. And you accepted and supported me... me in my sometimes eccentric ways of thought and actions.

We've been through a lot. Throughout the span of 7 years we dated at prom, graduated high school, then university, made it through a long distance relationship, backpacked through Australia, then moved to Canada. It's been quite a splendid ride that has helped us both to grow up not only as individuals but also as a couple. It's me and you versus the world.

This past year, I moved to Canada to be with you cause I couldn't be without you. To me, it was the course of action that made the most sense. I was following my heart and dreams. Always have been.

As you could imagine, it wasn't always easy moving to a different place. I knew no one, had no plan. I decided to explore my talents and became dedicated to my art and you took an intensive training course and became always busy.

Our schedules don't jive. I'm a night owl, you an early bird. I worked the weekends, you the weekdays. While you were at school, I was left to myself and to my thoughts. You haven't had time for me. I know it's not your fault, you always say you are working towards a future. A future that includes you and me.

I told you sometimes I felt lonely, a little bored. You told me I needed to make friends. And so I did. I started going out of my way to make those new connections, new relationships. And found out that on my own, I really was naturally friendly, charismatic, open minded and attracted the friendship of both men and women. And then I found out that I liked hanging out and being friends with women.

This is it. I want to tell you that I have been sleeping with somebody else. A casual sort of relationship. To fill in that missing gap, and fill in the need. There is no love here, it is an experiment, a journey of exploration and self discovery. Now I have many friends and am happy. I don't want to break up with you, you're the one I chose, the one I love. I don't want to leave you. But I wouldn't be surprised that after this letter, you might want to break up with me. I would understand. I've cheated on you, I have done you wrong.

I never want to hurt you. Not now, not ever. This is why even now, I don't have the balls to send you this letter. If you magically find it, it is here for you to find. The truth of what I feel waiting for you. As much as I want to be honest, honesty only brings suffering. Here I have made the conscious decision to keep this a secret. I can't bring myself to just tell you. I understand that in a relationship there are responsibilities and sacrifices that must be done.

Now I risk you finding out about this secret. And when you do, you will lose trust then become distraught and angry at me. You might even start blaming yourself for leaving me to wander. You will start to hate me and become heartbroken and all this is my fear.

I admit I might be caught easily. I have never, in our years together kept anything from you until now, which makes me quite inept at doing so. If you ever find out; All I can do is hope that you can understand me and what I've been feeling. How strong I've been trying to be and how my journey of self discovery and exploration led me to here and now. Where I have found a different set of values and mind set as most people (you know) about these types of affairs. Where I could sleep with this girl but only really love you as a person and take care of you. It will be difficult, but I hope you could understand my need and urge to explore.

It was always you and me versus the world. I'd really like to keep it that way. When we met, our paths crossed and has been headed the same direction ever since. But now, we have our individual lives to lead. Maybe different priorities, ambitions. Hence, there might come a time where we encounter a fork in the road and a time where we chose different paths.

I have my whole life ahead of me, and you do too. Like always alI I could do is keep putting one foot in front of the other, guided only by my heart and my dreams. Here I am, doing what I like to do each day. This may sound selfish, but this is who I am.

You do know how to live without him... you did so before you met him. You have just forgotten. Give it time, remaining busy, and go NO contact. The feelings will die down eventually.