Met a great woman back in November we hit it off but she said she was not ready for a relationship because her boyfriend of 9 years broke up. We are both 50 and not kids what keeps happening is we get real close, she even tells me how close she feels to me when we spend long weekends together and how comfortable she is with me as soon as we get this close she says she can't do this and not ready for a relationship yet. This has have 4 times since January. I know she cares a lot for me and she tells me but it seems she runs away when we we get close. I love her and she became my best friend now I have neither she says we keep going in circles but I want her all the time. Is she using me or just afraid of commitment or still not over ex? Do I hang in or hang it up?

I'd hang on but give her some space. Sounds like she is not healed from her last boyfriend. She isn't afraid of commitment because she had a 9 year relationship. She probably isn't using you and if so then what for?

So yeah, if you both really like each other then give her some time to heal and revisit the "Relationship" talks later on. In a couple of months or so. She sounds like she is falling for you but is scared of being hurt again. Ending relationships is a tramatic thing to do no matter why its done.
I know it doesn't seem fair right now as you yourself are ready to move on to the next step but she just isn't at this junction in time and pushing her to do so would be a very bad idea.

Like I said, I suggest space and time. I hope everything works out for you two and I hope you have a happy life together. :) enjoy

Fear of the same thing happening again may be keeping her guard up.

Suggest that you both take the pressure off,and see what happens.

However,I would be inclined not to wait forever.

Sometimes, going into a new relationship (when you've just finished one) can be too much too soon.

I met my husband about 4 months after separating from my ex, and it took me aaages to feel comfortable about being with him, committing and adjusting to the intensity that new relationships can bring.

It's just that there are a lot of things to deal with - the emotions that go with a break up and letting go of the old relationship, and the emotions of starting a new relationship and connecting with the new partner.

It can, I know from experience, be incredibly intense and you just want to remove yourself from it.

I suggest you back off a little and let her deal with whatever is happening - she may not be using you, she needs to get over the ex, and she's probably not ready for commitment. Yet.

Im going through the same thing. Its not easy and I'm considering walking away. I am currently holding on but I'm considering dating other women because once the air clears she may want to date others and live the single life. She says that she wants me and just needs time but she can be very harsh at times and its been a constant up and down battle. I've only been dating her for six months and she kind of suggested the relationship. She separated from her ex husband in Nov and moved into her own place. I met her in May. She is a mom of a two year old from the marriage but swears that she doesn't want him and I'm such a great guy in her eyes and wants me. When we met in May she was in the process of moving from her apartment into her parents house to save money and help them out. She finalized the divorced in July. My thing is that we are in our thirties; I'm 37 and she's 31. So should I wait for her at this point in my life or call it a wash? She just told me last week that she wants to start transitioning into my place and bought a few things over to keep here.Not even two weeks later I came home from a DR appointment and all her stuff was gone. She feel like she can't be there the way that I need. I don't ask her for anything and she says that I should have expectations of her but the little that I do she's not sure she can do right now. I wentt to school one night and she asked me if I wanted her to cook me some food, I said sure; I have some defrosted chicken in the fridge you can make that. She texted me while I was in school and said; the chicken smells spoiled, going to the store. Cool right? So I come home from school and no food was prepared. I ask what happen to the food? Shea said; I told you the chicken was spoiled. I said; you said, you were going to the store. She said; I did to Wendys to get me and the baby something to eat. I didn't say a word, left out the house and got me some pizza. The next day was my DR appointment and like said earlier, I came home and all her things were gone. The next day was her child's Birthday party and I said I wasn't going to go and I dropped off the gift I got for her child by her moms house. She called me and asked me to come to the party, I went, and right after the party she went just left and went back to her moms how's and all in a sudden had issue with me, treated me really bad with words. Did she ask me to come to the party so she wouldn't look foolish in front of her friends? Who knows but this is what its is all because she's not going through so much. All that's cool but should I stick around for her? That's the major question. Oh yeah, I forgot to mention that I do cook for her regularly when ever she's around, so this isn't about a women cooking for me. So Im not sure bro. It depends on what your going through with this women below the surface. But generally I would say just stick in there for a little while but read the signs. Remember I am a little jaded right now.

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Originally Posted by Jayday

I'm going through the same thing. Its not easy and I'm considering walking away. I am currently holding on but I'm considering dating other women because once the air clears she may want to date others and live the single life. She says that she wants me and just needs time but she can be very harsh at times and its been a constant up and down battle. I've only been dating her for six months and she kinda suggested the relationship. She separated from her ex husband in Nov and moved into her own place. I met her in May. She is a mom of a two year old from the marriage but swears that she doesn't want him and I'm such a great guy in her eyes and wants me. When we met in May she was in the process of moving from her apartment into her parents house to save money and help them out. She finalized the divorced in July. My thing is that we are in our thirties; I'm 37 and shes 31. So should I wait for her at this point in my life or call it a wash? She just told me last week that she wants to start transitioning into my place and bought a few things over to keep here.Not even two weeks later I came home from a DR appointment and all her stuff was gone. She feel like she can't be there the way that I need. I dont ask her for anything and she says that I should have expectations of her but the little that I do shes not sure she can do right now. I wentt to school one night and she asked me if I wanted her to cook me some food, I said sure; I have some defrosted chicken in the fridge you can make that. She texted me while I was in school and said; the chicken smells spoiled, going to the store. Cool right? So I come home from school and no food was prepared. I ask what happen to the food? She said; I told you the chicken was spoiled. I said; you said, you were going to the store. She said; I did to go Wendys to get me and the baby something to eat. I didn't say a word, left out the house and got me some pizza. The next day was my DR appointment and like said earlier, I came home and all her things were gone. The next day after she took her things, was her child's BDay party and I said I wasn't going to go and I dropped off the gift I got for her child by her moms house. She called me and asked me to come to the party the morning of the party, I went, and right after the party she went just left and went back to her moms house and all in a sudden had issue with me, treated me really bad with words. Did she ask me to come to the party so she wouldn't look foolish in front of her friends? Who knows but this what happened all because she's going through so much. All that's cool but should I stick around for her?? That's the major question. Oh yeah, I forgot to mention that I do cook for her regularly when ever shes around, so this isn't about a women cooking for me. So I'm not sure bro. It depends on what your going through with this women below the surface. But generally I would say just stick in there for a little while but read the signs. Remember I am a little jaded right now.

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Correction to some of my text above