... is something wrong with me? I am: cute, quick witted, never ill mannered, nor am I vacuous, I am confident, but not arrogant, determined to succeed, and very kind to those who are respectful. I can't understand why no guy (rather a man) ask me on a date. Sometimes, I feel because I look so innocent, and irreproachable that they will never get what they fully want from me (sex). I thought to myself that maybe I should just ask them, but then I also think---I work so hard for everything I have the one thing I would like is for a man to find me interesting enough to ask me himself. It sometimes breaks my heart that when I find a person interesting---and he makes it seem that he thinks I am interesting too---to find that he asked another girl out on a date, and not me. I'm just basically looking for advice (more-so from men) to see if it is me, or is it them, or is it both. I'm not sure because I have no experience, and I don't want to ask family and friends because they think so highly of and that I never have these problems.

Since you say you have no experience with men, I would suggest you asking a guy out. I know you would like it to be the other way around, but it would give you some experience with guys that might help you down the road.

sabrewolfe---I feel very embarrassed though. Guys seem to like when a girl is "Desired" and I feel like that might turn him off.

Perhaps you don't actually feel that comfortable with guys?

I'd suggest you get to know men as friends - through your family and social networks - the people that know or are connected to your friends and family are the people that you are most likely to relate well to. When you feel more comfortable, you'll be able to talk to men and not feel awkward.

Remember, guys are human, just like you and you don't have to 'ask' guys on dates, you can just suggest a coffee, a film, whatever.

sabrewolfe is right here. You need to get experience handling men and learning how to lure them. It seems that you are not putting yourself out there the right way. If you come off as totally innocent then you will come off as hard to get and boring.

You need to have a tiny edge to you. The way you move, the way you look at people, and the way you dress might help too. (how do you dress?) Are your clothes tight, loose, stylish? A slight change in your voice may work well when talking to men. Lets them know you mean business.

A lot of men are very scared to ask out pretty girls. It is hard enough to be turned down but average looking girls, we don't like to set our hopes up super high. My girl is a babe but I about wet myself asking her out lol. I couldn't speak, my hands were shaking, and my heart was attacking my sternum. It is very very challenging to ask people out when you are afraid of rejection.

On a different note it may just be that you are not sending the right signals. You should be able to MAKE a guy ask you out. If he is dence and not picking up on your signs, then up your game. Women have to do a lot of work to get a man that you may not even be aware of. Its not easy to catch someone's attention and persuade them into bravery. Mostly the guy has to know without a doubt that he has a chance. If he thinks you're going to say no, then he will find someone else. Also when men flirt they like to flirt fast and get to the next step. They want to hurry things up so to speak. You just got to know where and when to draw the line on how fast you will go.

You sound painfully shy? Am I right?

Asking a guy out can be a bit daunting, but they feel the same way, really they do.

You don't have any experience in this so you're a bit scared, a bit hesitant and not confident. Well that's what practice is for.

For a lot of people confidence isn't natural, it's something you learn, something you work on. That's what you need to do. You've got it in you, now you just have to get it out.

The first thing you have to realize is that there's no such thing as a failed effort. If you ask a guy out and he turns you down, oh well, on to the next. If you get a date and he doesn't call you back or you don't click, well, it wasn't meant to be, on to the next.

The point is to try. Get out there, ask guys out, start small, coffee at your favorite coffee spot, a movie, a club. Be yourself, let your personality shine through.

Not every guy is going to say yes, that's not a bad thing. Just keep your chin up, your confidence up and go out there and live, get yourself what you want, you deserve it!

I know you're probably thinking you can't do it, but I know you can, everyone can. You won't succeed if you aren't wiling to fail.

As for sex, no rush. If that's all a guy wants then let him find someone else. Never do anything you're not comfortable doing. There's nothing wrong with being a virgin. There's nothing wrong with waiting for the right guy. I wish I had.

Now go get a date and then come back and tell us all about it. :)

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Originally Posted by Altenweg

As for sex, no rush. If that's all a guy wants then let him find someone else. Never do anything you're not comfortable doing. There's nothing wrong with being a virgin. There's nothing wrong with waiting for the right guy. I wish I had.

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Alty is so smart and well spoken. She is totally right here. I know you may be getting a little impatient but please, for everyone who didn't wait for that one special person please do it for them. It is wonderful to give yourself to someone that's worth it, even for me, a guy. It was one of the best moments in my life.

Nope, I am not shy at all I have a lot of friends, and they are mainly male, but they are just friends, and I know that I allow them to know that they are just friends I don't see them in that way.

I have a great sense of style I'm not a prude, nor am I revealing in a Jezebel sort of a way.

Again, I am confident.

But how come the guys I like don't ask me?

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Originally Posted by SinfullyVirtuous

Nope, I am not shy at all I have a lot of friends, and they are mainly male, but they are just friends, and I know that I allow them to know that they are just friends I don't see them in that way.

I have a great sense of style I'm not a prude, nor am I revealing in a Jezebel sort of a way.

Again, I am confident.

But how come the guys I like don't ask me?

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Maybe it's overconfidence. I know, I know, I said be confident. I meant it. But maybe you're giving off a vibe that you're too good for them, that you're untouchable or out of their league.

There's a fine line between confidence and arrogance. Not trying to be mean, but it's true.

Have you ever been to a bar? If you have, have you ever noticed that most guys never approach the ultra attractive girls, the ones all together at a table, dressed to the nines, no hair out of place, front page of the magazine ready? Do you know why that is? Most guys think those girls are out of their league. Guys fear rejection too. So those girls sit there all night, looking gorgeous, and all of the guys are terrified to approach them because they're afraid to be turned down.

Your confidence needs to be matched with approachability.

Also, being friends with someone is a great way to start a relationship. My husband and I are still best friends, he's the greatest guy I know. I love him, but more importantly, I like him. :)

So ask someone out. I bet they're waiting for you to approach them and when you do, you'll finally get that first date and kiss. The sex can wait until you're ready. :)

Well, perhaps if you have mainly male friends, they see you as one of the guys?

Sounds like you need to make the transition from male friends to boy friends and it may involve making the first move - if you're confident, attractive and stylish, what guy would refuse?

If you like them - ask them.

I guess so; I just have to try, and see what happens...

Maybe---I will just have to try and ask a guy then...

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Originally Posted by SinfullyVirtuous

Maybe---I will just have to try and ask a guy then...

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I think that's exactly what you have to do. :)

Do you have a specific guy you're interested in? Ask him tomorrow, just go for it.

Let us know how it goes. I'm cheering for you. :)

I'm cheering for you too. I hope you find a nice guy that treats you like a queen.

Also, you might consider not asking the guy you are most interested in. In my experience, if you are into a guy and he does not dislike you and does like your attention, when that attention is shifted away from him he will get jealous and make a move. Sometimes you got to hit them with the frying pan to get their butts in gear.

Quote:

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Originally Posted by SinfullyVirtuous

...is something wrong with me? I am: cute, quick witted, never ill mannered, nor am I vacuous, I am confident, but not arrogant, determined to succeed, and very kind to those who are respectful. I can't understand why no guy (rather a man) ask me on a date.

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Assuming that you're not just talking yourself up, men could find you hard to approach and out of their league anyway. They could assume that someone like you would never be single, and give up before trying. They could also see that you're a very dominant personality and aren't really into that.

It is hard to say based on the information you've given.

Quote:

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Originally Posted by SinfullyVirtuous

Sometimes, I feel because I look so innocent, and irreproachable that they will never get what they fully want from me (sex). I thought to myself that maybe I should just ask them, but then I also think---I work so hard for everything I have the one thing I would like is for a man to find me interesting enough to ask me himself. It sometimes breaks my heart that when I find a person interesting---and he makes it seem that he thinks I am interesting too---to find that he asked another girl out on a date, and not me. I'm just basically looking for advice (more-so from men) to see if it is me, or is it them, or is it both. I'm not sure because I have no experience, and I don't want to ask family and friends because they think so highly of and that I never have these problems.

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Advice? Some times you need to take the bull by the horns and ask someone out. You seem to be that sort of person in other facets of your life. Take control of the situation and work for the outcome you want. While it is daunting to have a woman ask you out, it isn't too uncommon.

You sound like a good catch. Whatever you do, don't lessen yourself in order to get someone. You might just need to find a location where someone you might like would hang out. You would be surprised.

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Originally Posted by Larken85

A lot of men are very scared to ask out pretty girls. It is hard enough to be turned down but average looking girls, we don't like to set our hopes up super high. My girl is a babe but I about wet myself asking her out lol. I couldn't speak, my hands were shaking, and my heart was attacking my sternum. It is very very challenging to ask people out when you are afraid of rejection.

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This is so true. SinfullyVirtuous, I was in your position till some months ago. I was 22 (! ), I did have some 'boyfriends' but that was when I was like 16, nothing serious. Then I never got asked out, yet I could see that guys liked me... I'm not exactly ugly, and I am intelligent(I'm more modest normally, but Im trying to give an image here ;)). So yes, I also think that guys were intimidated by my looks and the fact that I give my opinion a lot and sound very confident. Which is not true, not to the extend that people might think. And then one night, I was at a party, drunk a bit; was tipsy, and then danced the whole night through with this guy I thought was very cute. And he's been my boyfriend for 10 months now.

I think that what everyone's saying here: you asking someone out is a great idea. But please; don't ask yourself 'is there something wrong with me'. Nothing is wrong with you, things don't come at the same time for everyone. Take it from someone who waited till the right guy came up;)It does happen.

I am cheering for you too! :-)

Just wait. Don't rush. You know what I would give to have my virginity back, and I'm 26.

Okay Guys---with your help and advice I asked out a kid in my class, for coffee---who is very nice, and is not close enough to be considered a friend, so I wouldn't confuse any relationship that I have with my guy friends. The date went very nice, and tomorrow night we are going out for dinner (yep, he asked me to dinner) YAY!! Thank you guys---I geuss I shouldn't have waited for a guy to ask me. :)

That's great!