Ask Me Help Desk - Bi-Polar Getting In The Way Of Our Relationship?

I have been diagnosted with Bi-Polar Disorder and I am generating well without the use of any medication and have been for the past year. Although I do realize that at times (all of the time) I may be a little much for my boyfriend or any man thet I have been involved with in the past to handle. I catch myself angry over the smallest of things and I find myself being Overly emotional at the drop of a dime.My feelings get hurt so easily and the mixture is driving the men in my life away. I try to acknowledge it and face the behaviors,but it's kind of hard considering the fact that the men in my life give me so much bull and problems. I find my pride stepping in the way me admitting to him that my mental health may be one of the reasons that we are not working out,and that it is not all him after all. I just want my man to want to be with me as much as I want to be with him, I want him to treat me with respect and Love and I don't think that is too much to ask for Bi-Polar or not. Althouhg lately I feel like Im losing him and were drifting away from one another I don't want to lose my man and I don't want to be lonely its easy to say I don't need a man but its not reality . I feel as if my disorder will go into fulleffect if I experience rejection I don't want to be alone and I don't want to feel worthless I need to keep my man.

Hi Tisha1,
In short, you probably feel as though you are generating just fine; however, the people who care about you the most and spend the most time with you would probably beg to differ.
Without proper care taken to control your illness, you will never truly notice your moods or how they may be affecting others. You will think you feel normal, where as others will not.
Once your mind and moods are stable, you will be able to rationalize situations and will most likely find that things aren't so bad after all.
Don't let this illness destroy your relations...
Try what ever your Dr. suggests, and stick with it.
Kae

Quote:

Originally Posted by Tisha1

I have been diagnosted with Bi-Polar Disorder and I am generating well without the use of any medication and have been for the past year. Although I do realize that at times (all of the time) I may be a little much for my boyfriend or any man thet I have been involved with in the past to handle. I catch myself angry over the smallest of things and I find myself being Overly emotional at the drop of a dime.My feelings get hurt so easily and the mixture is driving the men in my life away. I try to acknowledge it and face the behaviors,but it's kind of hard considering the fact that the men in my life give me so much bull and problems. I find my pride stepping in the way me admitting to him that my mental health may be one of the reasons that we are not working out,and that it is not all him afterall. I just want my man to want to be with me as much as I want to be with him, I want him to treat me with respect and Love and I dont think that is to much to ask for Bi-Polar or not. Althouhg lately I feel like Im losing him and were drifting away from one another I dont want to lose my man and I dont want to be lonely its easy to say I dont need a man but its not reality . I feel as if my disorder will go into fulleffect if I expierence rejection I dont want to be alone and I dont want to feel worthless I need to keep my man.

Girlie, the only way anything is going to be OK is if you do these things, in this order, first, realize that YOU may think you're doing great w/o being on your meds, but your life is obviously telling you that that just isn't true. If you aren't well, healthy and doing ALL the things you need to to keep your illness under control, like; working out, keeping a journal, seeing a psychiatrist regularly, staying on the right cocktail of meds, and anything else you can think of to keep your brain healthy. The problem with having bipolar is that it's an illness that can make you forget you are ill because you have so many highs, but the lows, all the things you've mentioned in your post, don't have to be so hard to handle, but medication is the ONLY way to keep your illness under control.

You need to tell your boyfriend what's going on with you, if he loves you, he'll do all he can to be there for you and understand you. You should read, 'Loving someone with Bipolar' ,a GREAT book for couples who are dealing with bipolar.

All relationships have ups and downs and I'm sure YOU haven't run off the men in your life who didn't stay, there are SO MANY things that effect relationships, so don't beat yourself up. But DO believe you can be doing better than you are right now and you can have a healthy relationship with your boyfriend. You have to help yourself first and let him know that is what you need to do.

I have bipolar 2, rapid-cycling, it's so vicious, and I have tried not taking meds, I have been on meds and then thought I was fine so stopped them, but I finally realized that it wasn't working, and now, oh my gosh, things are so much better now that I'm on my meds, have been for the last 5 years, I've put my boyfriend of 9 years through some hell, but he's so thankful I'm on meds, see a Dr. regularly and just in general take care of myself.

You'll be just fine!! Hang in there and don't be scared of the bipolar, remember you are not bipolar, you HAVE bipolar, just like many people have cancer, diabetes, etc... just like those illness, people have to get treatment in order to heal or keep things managed, that's what you need to do.

I wish you the absolute best of luck, and give your boyfriend some credit for still being around without having to be able to have the experience of relief knowing you are bipolar and have been diagnosed, that he's not crazy and it's not all him, but you have a REAL illness.
Sorry to keep blabbing, hang in there:-)

Medication is a personal choice- you can try other things before you go to that, but you really have to decide what is important to you, first. Truth is, your mood swings DO effect your relationships, and unless you find a way to deal with the moods, you will have problems with relationships. Some people find that group discussion or talk therapy works, some prefer meds. Some need all of the above. Frankly, I need all of the above (I am bipolar, as well). The meds are my #1 choice, but I also use exercise and therapy.

Bottom line- take your illness seriously and treat it, just as you would any other disease. No one in your personal life will be able to fix what is wrong with you, and believe me, they will try because they love you. Your boyfriend may feel like he is failing because you continue to be depressed/anxious/angry, etc even though he has done everything he can trying to please you. It has to be frustrating, and I know you don't mean to do that to him.

Tisha1,

The very fact that you have this disorder means you don't have a clear picture of what is going on around you, only what you think is going on. If you want to stay on top of this illness you must try to be honest with yourself and those around you. You will need to talk to a therapist, and you will need to take meds - probably for the rest of your life. If you can face up to this then you can say that you are doing okay.

As for the other people in your life, recognise that you are rather sensitive and may even be a little paranoid - nothing wrong with that (paranoia is quite simply a heightened sense of awareness) - treat them kindly and give them the benefit of the doubt in any situation you are not clear on. You'll keep your friends that way instead of pushing them all away because you don't trust them.

And for the benefit of your own health and well being take up relaxation and meditation, this will help calm the mind.

Oh darling, I understand the stresses. Unfortunately it would be best for you if you were to start on meds. As for the people around you, being pushed away, they aren't worth your time. I've been through the rocky times of being bipolar, and its not fun, you just need people to understand. As for the boy, if he can't be supportive and stay near, kick him to the curb, or establish communication. By the sounds of it he's already on the way out. I know its hard to be alone, but get a good friend by your side. You don't need the B/S from him, or any other man.

Go get a counsellor. Or a therapist. Get your Lithium, And get an Anti-depressent as well. Learn to meditate, learn to understand the triggers that cause anxiety, paranoia, anger and depression. Learn about yourself. I promise you it will make everything easier. It takes time but you have hope. That's the most important thing.

The first thing you have to do is talk to him and tell him how you fell and what you are feeling. Communication is the #1 thing in a relationship. Maybe he needs to be educated with your bi-polar then it will help him. I hope this helps

Quote:

Originally Posted by Tisha1

I have been diagnosted with Bi-Polar Disorder and I am generating well without the use of any medication and have been for the past year. Although I do realize that at times (all of the time) I may be a little much for my boyfriend or any man thet I have been involved with in the past to handle. I catch myself angry over the smallest of things and I find myself being Overly emotional at the drop of a dime.My feelings get hurt so easily and the mixture is driving the men in my life away. I try to acknowledge it and face the behaviors,but it's kind of hard considering the fact that the men in my life give me so much bull and problems. I find my pride stepping in the way me admitting to him that my mental health may be one of the reasons that we are not working out,and that it is not all him afterall. I just want my man to want to be with me as much as I want to be with him, I want him to treat me with respect and Love and I dont think that is to much to ask for Bi-Polar or not. Althouhg lately I feel like Im losing him and were drifting away from one another I dont want to lose my man and I dont want to be lonely its easy to say I dont need a man but its not reality . I feel as if my disorder will go into fulleffect if I expierence rejection I dont want to be alone and I dont want to feel worthless I need to keep my man.

It sounds as though you are aware of your moods and your condition, which is the first step in getting control of your life situation. Your man needs to understand you and support you and should have as much knowledge of bi polar as you do. It is good to have some key words that you respond to when you're with him and he feels you may be going manic or depressive. I have found that touch is one of the greatest ways to bring my loved one out of a possible swing. Ya got to feel the love from him! If not, find someone else who will "complete you."

I too am BP. Take your Meds girl!! One of the many symptoms of BP is thinking you are fine without help. But, without if you will always be miserable. Find a good Dr. and educate yourself on this unseen handicap. Learn your body and emotions, stay intouch with the Dr when things change. If you do... your life will improve and a relationship with a good partner will take place.