Ok. I will try (cant say I can promise) to keep this short. I met this guy about 3 months ago and we started hanging out as friends then after about a month he kissed me and then from that point on he was spending every weekend at my house. He would pack a bag and stay sometimes for 5 days straight. He had a toothbrush here etc.

So fast forward to 2 weeks ago when I decided to become intimate with hm. We both wanted to wait and not rush into it. So the last time I saw him (after 3 days of being intimate) he left my house and was acting very strange. I could feel something was up so I kept my distance and didn't kiss him when I said goobye. We were meant to go away for the weekend with my friends but he ended up not answering my calls that night and missed the ride up. He sent a text the next day saying he slept in and to have a fun weekend.

I decided at that point that something was up and didn't respond and just give him some space and I was upset that he didn't just say he wasn't coming and maybe after the weekend all would be OK. Well I got back from the weekend and he and I have talked on the phone a couple of times but I can't seem to pin him down to meet up. Last weekend I asked if we meet for lunch and he said he would get back to me and never did. So I decided that was it. I didn't call, text or anything.

Then he called me on Monday but I didn't answer. I was still upset that someone who could spend every waking moment with me for 2 months then just ignore me and avoid me, didn't deserve my time. Obviously curiousity got the better of me and I ended up calling him 2 days later. We had a nice chat but no talk of meeting up.

So finally my frustration got the better of me and I ended up calling him this weekend and asking him straight out to please tell me what was going on as we had spent some great times together and now we have not seen each other in 2 weeks and we live in the same suburb. And that whatever he has to say that he can tell me as I will understand. I would just like to know. He said that he has been very busy and that he will talk to me when he sees me. I said I understand about being busy but he could just tell me that and he must understand that I am confused how we could be so close and are basically 2 min from each other and not see each other.

Is this a lost cause? I have not tried to contact him at all since that conversation 2 days ago nor has he contacted me. How can someone go from making plans with me for vacations, wanting to buy a car with me, tell me that he misses me all the time, basically live here most of the week then just discard me like leftovers without an explanation.

I realise he doesn't need to give me an explanation but I thought our relationship had hit the level in which you can't just give a girl a phase out. Any suggestions? I am losing my mind trying to figure out what I may have done to turn him off etc. I should never have slept with him but I thought it was safe and that he was committed to this as much as I was.

Was I being pushy asking him for an explanation? Every time I said do you want to come over, meet for lunch I was met with "ummm. I have this to do, that to do, etc." Is it possible he was just busy or am I being completely naïve? I need to just move on don't I? Why can't me just be upfront and honest. I wouldn't have gone psycho on him, I really just want to know what went wrong. Is that too much to ask?

Don't overanalyze your actions or his.

For some reason,his feelings changed,maybe he just decided that your relationship had run its course.

Or maybe he was just after sex,in which case you dodged a bullet.

No more contact and bin his toothbrush .

Sorry,sometimes we have to learn the hard way that it takes time to get to know a person.

Thanks amicon. I have binned all of his belongings he left behind.

I just can't help beating myself up that I got caught up playing a game myself. By not answering his call on Monday I entered into a game. I was just so upset about the way I was being treated. Why would someone ignore you then call you 3 days later?

Was calling him for an explanation the wrong this to do? I don't understand men and how to deal with them. I am tempted to give up on dating for good. I always end up with a broken heart. I try to be fun and easy going, that doesn't work. I try to communicated openly, that doesn't work. I give up.

I don't think you will ever know what went wrong. He doesn't want to communicate for reasons that only he knows.

I would let him go his own way as he obviously has and give myself some 'me' time before thinking about getting into another relationship.

Don't let his inability to be considerate cause you to doubt yourself.

Some guys either want one thing(sex), or they get scared when things are seeming to go to fast for them. Whichever one it is, he should be ashamed of treating you so disrespectfully.

All I can say is try to wait next time until you know someone's motives a little better.

Some guys just don't have a clue on how to treat a lady right.

Good luck to you.

I think you were right in calling him asking for an explanation. After all, you thought you were in a committed relationship and communication should have been open.

Now that you've made the call and he's given you the "brush-off", you need to completely go NC. Don't call, e-mail, text, or answer his calls.

In my estimation he was a "sly fox" in disguise who got what he wanted and moved on.

You are better off without him. Don't give up on dating others though, there are plenty of nice guys out there that would adore you, not use you!

Thanks guys. I guess I saw his true colours through all of this.

I can understand avoiding me if he needed some space which I tried to give him by not contacting him.

But when someone asks you straight out to please just tell them and they still avoid "whatever" it is going on with them, then I agree that it is disrespectful.

You pass a certain time point in relationships where you can't just run away from a girl. I am in my 30's and this is the stuff guys did in high school when they didn't like you anymore. Not grown men!

I agree-so he's an immature jerk and you're well rid of him.

Not every guy is like him though,so don't give up.

I agree with Amicon, he is immature. You are well rid of him. He couldn't give you the respect you deserved, by being honest, what happen. NC is the best, it's the only way you heal. Don't question the relationship, because you did nothing. It's him! Good luck.

LIFE LESSON TO LEARN-
To much, to fast crash and burn
Just my opinion, 3 months is NOT enough time to know some one, and a few months of being together is NOT enough time to know who your sleeping with.

Talaniman Rules-Never assume that your feelings are shared by any one else.

Talaniman Rule- Enjoy getting to know someone, and keep it real.

Talaniman Rule- never be in a hurry to give your heart to a stranger. Wait until they have proven they deserve it, and know what to do with it.

Talaniman Rule- Doesn't matter how intense the feelings, or how much fun you have, never give your heart to someone you don't know well, and thats only after the lust has worn off for you both.

. Talaniman Rule- Never get so carried away by feelings that you can't see the facts.

Though you were honest and straight, he was not, and just me, he is a coward for not being honest with how he felt upfront, no matter what his reasons are.

You live and learn, that there are such people in the world, but no reason to forget who you are and enjoy people like you who are upfront and honest.

Just slow down, and really know who your dealing with, before you open your heart, and home to them. Then you can enjoy getting to know them, without getting carried away.

Thank you for the responses. It has really helped me be calm and accept the situation more.

However, I am struggling with trying to understand men's motives. Tonight I was on the phone with a friend and my call waiting clicked in and it was him on the other end of the phone.

We talked for about 20 minutes only about what was happening at work, all the fun he had on the weekend etc. etc. Why would he give me the brush off for 2 weeks straight, then call me??

I have been quite sick for the past 2 weeks and so maybe he was just being friendly and calling to see how I have been. If he doesn't want to be with me and avoids trying to meet up, then why call? This is what I don't understand.

I didn't ask him to meet up or why we haven't. I was just friendly and nice. Mostly because I am fed up with thinking any thing is there but why drag it out? So frustrating!!

He called because that's what exs sometimes do-to make themselves feel better about things-to find out what you're up to-to keep you on a leash-who knows?

The thing to do is to go no contact and ignore them.

That will end the confusion.

It doesn't matter what he thinks or does.

Questioning his motives, and actions, is a sure sign that you are having a hard time dealing with this break up, and need more time to get beyond it. Friends would not question another friends calling to catch up, and share, but you obviously are still stinging, and not ready to deal with him, so don't.

As Amicon said, he may not want anything, or is being friendly to get back in good graces, to keep you on a string.

The last thing you need is to be further confused, and used, by this fellow who is anything resembling caring, and considerate, and any attempts at friendship, or any other contact by him, should be soundly rejected, because he hurt you in the most cowardly way possible, by ignoring you, and your need for up front honesty.

Don't forget that, or he will do it again, if you let him, but this time, it will be ALL your fault.

Why is it so hard to do NC? I know it is the right thing to do but then I get these moments of what I think are clarity (but in reality insanity) where I think talking to him can make it all better.

So I called!! Why do we do this to ourselves? He has made it MORE than clear that he is completely avoiding me even though he does call once and a while and then answers the phone when I do call. We just chatted like ususal but with a HUGE elephant in the room. Then he said he had to go after about 20 minutes cause he had to get ready for the gym. So I asked him to give me a shout later when he gets back. PATHETIC! I could hear it like I was watching from above going "WHY are you doing this!!?"

Of course this was met with "ummm...well not sure if I can, but if I don't get in late I wil try"

GRRRRR. Everyone has told me to just let it go and move on but I have it in my head that maybe the last night we were together there was a bit of a misunderstanding and maybe we could chat it out.

Someone help me out there!?

Sometimes a last doze of false hope make us do things we KNOW is only going to make us miserable.

Hopefully that was the lesson you needed.

Stick with your NC.

You're analyzing his actions too much. It's pretty clear that something is up with him... but it's not your job to figure it out. Stop worrying about his actions and try to subdue your post-analysis.

Next time he calls, do not answer. I know you're trying to convince yourself that you're going to be "friends" but you aren't ready for that. You have feelings and emotions invested in him and they will get the better of you. If he calls and you accidentally pick up because it's call waiting, just politely say you're busy right now and you'll talk to him later (don't say you'll call him back at a certain time, etc). Don't have a 20 minute conversation with the man... he is not your friend.

I know it's difficult not to analyze, but try to be REALLY selfish right now. Remember what you deserve and he has been nothing but disrespectful. It's actually a blessing that he showed you his true colors this early and it didn't drag on any further.

Keep busy (gym, hikes, do anything to get out of the house). That tends to subdue my overanalysis most of the time and makes things SO much easier.

It's really tough dealing with someone like him, but I think you're holding onto false hope.

He could be hanging onto you by a teensy weensy thread just in case he can't find someone else and decides to come back to you for some more sex.

Believe it - he doesn't love you. He is a user. Go complete NC unless you're a fan of pain and heatache.

Thanks guys. I realise now that this is definitely false hope.

I just don't understand why he won't just come out and tell me what he is thinking. I am not used to this sort of behavoiur with men. And we were definitley past the point where he can just call me every once and a while and talk like all is fine and dandy but completely avoid any talk of meeting up or what is going on.

I am tempted just to write him an email telling him that I would have expected an explanation but understand I may never get one and wish him well and ask him to drop some of my stuff off - but I know that would be pathetic and fall an deaf ears.

You guys are right. I may never know what his reasons are. The hardest part of all this is that a misunderstanding we may have had the last night I saw him - could easily be talked out. But I guess he has made his decision.

I just wish he would have the b*lls to tell me to my face. I don't think that is too much to ask of someone who was basically living at my house.

I guess we live and learn.

Quote:

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Originally Posted by brokenarrow

I just wish he would have the b*lls to tell me to my face. I don't think that is too much to ask of someone who was basically living at my house.

I guess we live and learn.

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Even if he got the b*lls to tell you it won't change the fact that it's over and you need to heal. In fact, I think it's easier to move on like this than what you got to hear from him face to face. Either way, you'll be wondering and questioning about it.

Im sorry but I think he was just after sex. The moment you slept with him, he got distinct. It is definitely over and just let the past be the past. Don't contact him anymore. I think the reason he called you was either he felt guilty or he was seeing if he can string you along. Don't let him have neither. You ll find someone more deserving of you!