I'm deeply in love, how can I get her family to accept me?
Hey everybody . Well I just joined this site to share my story, and hopefully get some advice. I'll get down to it. I'm 18 years old and I've fallen in love with a girl I've met over the internet. She and I are the same religion, Muslim. She is 21 years old. She lives in Africa but studies in the UK, and I live in the USA. We both communicate, write letters, talk, see each other, and plan to get married. We want it so bad. She currently is in Africa with her family because her studies didn't go so well due to her getting a disease which she has thankfully recovered from (but wasn't able to finish the year). The only thing is, despite the fact our religion (Islam) doesn't discriminate or put one race over another, her family cannot and will not accept me because of the fact I am not an Indian like they are. They are of Indian descent. I myself am half Iranian and half American. It is something out of my control. If she doesn't get married by a certain age (which I believe 24 is the maximum), they will choose somebody for her to marry. She has rejected so many proposals because of her love for me and I am so thankful for her doing it. The thing is, she was hiding it from her father because if he found out he would suspend her studies in the UK and not let her go back (because of me), it's a whole honor and family respect issue. Anyhow, I accidentally called her grandmas number the other day because once my love called me from it, and the grandma found out I was a boy and told my loves father. Her father found out. Today she was chatting with me on the PC and her dad peaked, asked who she was speaking to, and when she told him she was speaking to me he absolutely flipped. He went looking for a hammer to smash the lap top even though she pleaded not to because her UNI work is in there. He was so angry and yelling and shouting. He told her to never speak to me again. Either she marries me and never shows him her face again, or she stops all contact with me and lives under his rules. My love's brother hid the laptop. But he called the whole family to the living room and began talking about her. He told her if she was his brother he would have whipped her but because she is a girl he respects her and will not do that. He told her that I am an illigitamate child because my parents did not have an Islamic marriage (therefore my parents, according to his philosophy, aren't technically married) even though they've been together for about 30 years. Well, he himself had a forced marriage with my love's mother. Well, she was forced to, not him. She said he cursed me and said he never wants to speak to me because he will (f word profanity) myself and my family. Anyway, despite all of this, she still called me and let me know what happened because I was really worried when she left all of a sudden. She always tells me to be happy deep down inside and despite what happens she'll always want to be my friend and will always care for me, even if she has to marry another man. She tells me to be happy and to be strong even if I'm not with her. I've promised her I will be but the honest to God truth is I love her way too much to let her go with somebody else. At times I feel selfish because I feel as if I'm ruining her life and putting her in all this trouble with her family that she wouldn't have to otherwise endure if I was there. But I don't want her to be married with somebody else and wake up in somebody else's arms,it just makes me feel so horrible inside. Because the fact is we both love each other a lot, and we've already done so much for each other. But she says no matter what she cannot go against her family because they've raised her , etc. To be honest there's nothing that is religiously stopping us from marriage, because Islam is both important to us, and this sort of (racial issue being presented) isn't even an issue in the Islamic religion. Races are allowed to mix and marry freely as they choose. I just don't want to lose her and risk her being with somebody else and fallign in love with them. I wanted to contact them all this time and tell them how I truly feel but since her dad said what he said if he finds her talking to me he will ruin her studies and nthen we really won't be able to talk. So right now he doesn't ever want to hear from me. But at the same time I want to mail him, or write to him letting him know my true feelings and ask for his daughters hands and know what I have to do to be accepted. I really respect her parents, I love her so much and they brought her into this world, of course with the help of Allah swt, so I'm not one to disrespect them. I love them too. I think it's better than nothing but perhaps I have to wait on that idea until she's back in the UK and when he has calmed down a little. My brain says it will not work but my heart says, you love her, continue to fight for her and don't give up no matter what, because in this life, it's your last and final chance. And I've told myself I will never love anybody else, even if she does marry (Allah forbid), I will remain pure and truthful and loyal to my words that I love her and that I always meant it and I'll never let go, and I'll always have hope that one day, even if it be ten years from now or fifty years from now, if there is still any chance whatsoever of me being able to be with her, I'll surely do it. We love each other so much and we just wish that everybody would accept us and we'd have a happy life together forever. I am looking for any advice from anybody to achieve my goal of marrying her and for us to spend the rest of our lives together. Thanks for reading, I appreciate all of you. Salam (Peace).
Edit: I am honestly trying to make this work too and I know she is too and she is being sincere because she has proven it to me so many times. But as far as getting parental approval is concerned, do you think there is any chance or any ways I can do this? I am doing my best and I know she is too, but the culture is very strict. Disobeying them will get her "disowned", but at the same time she wants me badly just as I want her. She says she's stuck in the middle and she wished she didn't have to choose. I wish the same thing, if her family accepts me, we all can be one big happy family together.
