My ex-fiance' and I went our separate ways after living together for 2-1/2 years. He came to our house unexpected with a u-haul and 3 friends and took his stuff he had prior to us getting together. I left the house while he was loading the truck and allowed him plenty of time to take what he wanted. He explained to me that he was leaving the stuff we got together and that whatever I didn't take when I moved out, that he would come back and get then. After he permanently moved out, he started threatening me and harassing me verbally. I went and obtained a restraining order due to the past physical abuse I went through to keep him away. He's now hired a lawyer and suing me for the items he left behind voluntarily. I have moved out and my stuff is in storage. The fridge, washer, dryer was purchased on his credit card. The dirt bike, dresser, and engagement ring he's also trying to get back are gifts. I feel that he's only suing me as harassment and so I'm wondering, if he left all these items and didn't take them when he had the opportunity even after he left, does he have any rights to sue for them now? And if so, can he get items back if they were gifts to me and the kids.

Hi,

I'm not a lawyer but I know enough to tell you this. YOur biggest dfanger here is if you don't answer this lawsuit. Get a lawyer. His real motive may be to harrass you and then again it may be he wants to get you to pay for these items in cash. Since he still owes for soemm of them, I would assume he is trying to get a money judgement from you. Consider the cost of a lawyer, and then consider the value of the things he left behind. Is it worth it? Also you two could still negotiate, maybe through arbitration, and you keep some stuff and he takes the rest.

Thank you for your input. Thing is, he took what he wanted when he was there getting stuff and he took dirt bikes and quads that he gave to my kids. I would think that those types of things are gifts and can't hold kids liable for purchases made voluntarily. In addition, he could have taken the things he is suing me for when he was there and even three weeks after that. The stuff is valuable but more importantly, it's stuff that I have paid on and paid off as well. I was putting my paychecks into his account and so we both paid on them even though the credit cards were in his name. Seems to me, if I was a judge, it's quite obvious that he had every chance in the world to take what he wanted and then after I got a restraining order, that it's a clear case of harassment.

A lot depends one timing, what you have in writing etc. If you have nothing to prove that he abandoned the property he could win. If you did this right, i.e. sending him certified letters stating that if he did not pick up his things by x date you would consider them abandoned, then he probably wouldn't have a case.

I have proof through emails that he sent to our landlord that he moved out. My dad was there when he showed up unannounced with 3 friends and my ex stated he "wasn't" taking the items that he is now trying to sue me for. Everything he's wanting now, are things he has given as gifts or stuff we got together. Non of these things are things he has prior. Not to mention, after he moved out, he had more than 3 weeks to go back and get whatever else he wanted but never did. I also have bank statements that show I made payments and paid-off items too. I don't know if that would hold any weight but for the most part, I don't think you can sue for things you gave as gifts. He can try but I don't think he will be successful. I just want him to go away and move on but it seems that's not going to happen even with a restraining order. Do I have to even go to court and be near him if I have a restraining order?

If you had to get a restraining order against him I'd be tempted to give him back his "stuff" and avoid any additional confrontation.

- And an engagement ring is NOT an unconditional gift which you can keep. If you need the law on that, I can post it - question has been asked and answered before.

Judy, Thank you for the advice. I appreciate it! Thing is, I'm NOT giving anything back. I am the one with the restraining order and he's the one who left the stuff and didn't take it. Even though, it's NOT his stuff, it's our stuff that he chose to leave behind. I have been storing all of it as well for 4 months too. So, that being said, if he wants it back and think he's entitled to it, he can fight for it. I'm not going to just hand it all over. I've paid for it as well. I'm sure a judge will see that this is just another attempt to harass me being that he didn't even file a case until March 12th, 2010 and he was served the restraining order in Dec. If he wanted that stuff, he had more than enough time and chances prior to the restraining order to go back and get it. Remember, he abandoned it, I didn't take anything or keep anything from him. It's just frustrating that he's so shallow as to even pursuing something that he voluntarily left behind. When he left, he took dirt bikes that we bought for the kids. He gave them as gifts and they were so devastated because they loved them bikes and waited for years to get them. What kind of person takes gifts back from children? So, in my opinion, he took things worth more than what's left and now he wants the rest. Just saying... This guy is low and I hope the courts will see his selfish ways and hopefully dismiss the case!

And I'm just sayin' that sometimes you have to take the high road - give it back and have it over and done. He will argue (and this has been posted here before) that he wants the kids' "stuff" so they can use it at his place. Maybe the Judge will believe it; maybe the Judge won't.

Did he abandon his/yours/joint property? Some of this will depend on how the money was managed. Did you buy "stuff," did he, was it joint money? Did you send him legal notification that he was abandoning his property in accordance with State law? Was it a question of him not having the means to pick things up?

I'm not giving you a hard time - I work in the legal system and these are the issues, emotion aside.

They were gifts to MY kids, one dirt bike we paid cash for and the other two were purchased on his credit card. They aren't his kids at all. Yes, our money was in a joint account so we paid for this stuff with our money together. No, I didn't send him a legal notification because it's stuff we got while we were together so it's not just his, it's equally mine. He had more than enough time to go back and get what he left behind even after he moved out. I have bank statements that prove our money was joint and bills and items were paid with both incomes. I have the opportunity to counter-sue for the dirt bikes he took back from my kids too. Although, because two of them were purchased on his credit cards, I don't know if I can get those back for them.

This is a matter for Court - joint funds are as much his as they are yours. To protect yourself you have to send him legal notification, whether you think it's necessary - the Court does.

The money in a joint account is 100% his and 100% yours - again, this is an argument for a Court to settle.