Ask Me Help Desk - Going down the same path?

Okay so I ended a relationship with a guy about a year ago.. We were together for almost 2 years and lived together and were practically perfect for each other, or so I thought. Growing up I lived with a single mom who lived paycheck to paycheck and couldn't ever afford much. I got my first job when I was 15 and have always had to work to pay for what I wanted, including my car, insurance, and gas. I was taught how to do chores at a young age so I know how to vacuum, wash clothes, clean the bathroom, wash dishes and multiple other things. My last boyfriend didn't know how to do practically any of those things because he was an only child and his mom spoiled him like crazy. We lived together and were even talking marriage but after realizing reality and how much responsibility he had to take on he ended up freaking out and we would fight all the time, constantly.

My problem is now I've found the perfect guy for me.. even more than the last guy. We have all the same interests and same personality as well as sense of humor. The only problem is that I'm seeing similar patterns in him like my last boyfriend. Tyler (the new guy) lives with his single mom, who cooks, cleans and pays for all of his stuff (cell phone, car, etc) and never taught him chores like laundry or dishes... I live by myself and want to eventually have him move in (its expensive to live by myself and he always says he wants to move in) but I feel like there's no way he'll ever move in because his mom babies him so much. She's a nice woman but I feel like he needs to grow up. Am I wasting my time with this guy too because he'll never grow up and I'm cursed with being independent and mature at my age (20)?

Or.. is there a way I can show him to be responsible and want to grow up and not be attached to his mother forever? Because there isn't going to be a woman (if not me) that wants to be with a 20-something guy who continues to be a momma's boy for the rest of his life.

HELP! I love this guy and he's incredible and I want to support him.. but I don't need to get hurt again by thinking "this is it" but him not being able to grow up and move out..

It sounds like you had to grow up fast. And since girls and young women are said to be more mature than guys their age, you might be happier with an older partner. Guys your own age probably just seem too young for you. And besides there is enough of life's responsibilities to deal with when you all get older. Try to enjoy life more and try not to take it so seriously.

You say you ended your previous relationship a year ago and it lasted 2 years. How long have you been together with the new guy then? Don't you think it is too soon (you're only 20) to think about living together already, especially when you are only together for less than a year?

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Originally Posted by bluerose

It sounds like you had to grow up fast. And since girls and young women are said to be more mature than guys their age, you might be happier with an older partner. Guys your own age probably just seem too young for you. And besides there is enough of life's responsibilities to deal with when you all get older. Try to enjoy life more and try not to take it so seriously.

I agree on the part that I need someone mature and older like me.. but every guy I've met that was older was just a pervert or just wanted to go to the bar with his buddies or sit around with a beer and watch sports. This guy is so caring and understanding and has treated me better than anyone else I've met (and I've had a decent amount of relationships). We even think the same thoughts all the time.. its just weird. I don't know.. I feel like he's a part of me and I hate to give him up.. only to regret it later.

Glad you have a life for yourself. I would tell you though, that having a guy move in who isn't ready to be a man, would be a disaster. Don't let the need for a room mate to help with expenses, get you hooked up with these mama's boys. If they aren't doing what your doing, supporting themselves by working, leave them alone because you don't need to be dragged down by any one, including your latest b/f. There are real men out there so be patient and find one or better yet, find you. You sound like a great catch so don't let a boy bring you down. You've already been there and done that.

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Originally Posted by JDOP

You say you ended your previous relationship a year ago and it lasted 2 years. How long have you been together with the new guy then? don't you think it is too soon (you're only 20) to think about living together already, especially when you are only together for less than a year?

Well yea my newer relationship is still fresh and I haven't expected him to move in, he's the one who started talking about it and saying how great it would be. Currently, he's over everyday and spends the night a couple nights a week (IF his mom lets him... ). So yeah.. I know everyone says the same thing.. that I need an older guy.. but also older guys have experienced things I haven't yet (turning 21, going to bars, graduating college) and like to shove that in my face and call me a "young'n" and I really don't find that attractive at all, which is why I stay away from older guys...