I've been with my boyfriend for close to a year and a half, and I am still crazy in love with him. But lately, me and my boyfriend have been getting into arguments about a seemigly bad habit I have. More lately than not, we have both noticed that I have a habit of ruining perfectly good days. You know, the days that you spend all day together full of laughs, kisses and hugs; a day that you would never forget. Well, the day goes perfect, but once we get home, its almost inevitable that I will say something that will cause a fight or argument. Its kind of become a running joke between me and him but honestly, I don't know how or why I do this. I hate fighting with him because it just kills me. A fight just takes everything out of me and by the time I have nothing left, its too late to apologize and work it out.
I want to stop it but I don't know how. I don't know how to filter what I say before I say it.
Can anyone help me?

Can you work out a signal system with your boyfriend? He may recognize the beginning of a fight more than you do. Have a secret sign or word or even create a sign he can hold up to alert you to the coming downhill slide.

I hate to put the responsibility on him, but he, like I said, might recognize the signs better than you do. And both of you are part of the solution. How does this sound to you?

Thank you wondergirl. That sounds like a good solution.

This literally does sound (and not to be rude) like a personal problem. You need to work out these differences with yourself. Do some soul searching. Figure out what triggers you to want to pick a fight with him. Is it something he does? Is it something he doesn't do? Is it something petty that you need to learn to get over? Is it just you? Or is it him causing you to be this way?

There is always a reason why a fight starts.. You just need to figure out what triggers you.

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Originally Posted by CeciliaNoelle

thank you wondergirl. that sounds like a good solution.

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Remember, YOU have to accept his warning signal. If I were you, I'd make it sort of funny or cute or inoffensive, so you can use it even in public or with friends (and no one has to be the wiser).

When my grandpa had crumbs around his mouth, my grandma would say "lunch" and he would know to wipe his lips. My husband and I have several signals like that for appearance as well as behavior. They work very well as long as both parties are invested in them.

I think WG's suggestion is great, but, and it's a big but.

You need also to be doing some serious thinking about the reasons you want to fight when you've just had a lovely day with your BF.

What is at the core of this desire to pick a fight?

Is there some deeper dissatisfaction that you're not expressing? Is there something that's annoying you? Is there something that you want which you're not getting?

Try to observe yourself when you're out having a nice time with your BF and notice any odd feelings or reactions you're having, then when you get home, again notice what it is that triggers these feelings of anger directed at your BF.

Be conscious and observe yourself rather then responding unconsciously to whatever is eating away at you. There is a reason for your behavior - and you are the only one that knows what it is.

Do you think you may have a problem letting go of a good time, and get grouchy at the end of that good experience?

I tend to never want to let the good times end myself, and it annoys the heck out of my wife, who would rather call it a day, and go to sleep.