I don't believe in divorce but my husband has treated me very badly during our 4 years or marriage. Now I am actually leaving him nothing has worked I have tried everything you can even imagine and even made a fool of myself in the procces. I have even put the blame on me as to why he would go out everyweekend without me, dring a lot, ignore me for months on end, It got to the point to where I couldn't get out of bed at times and would obssess about his lack of attention toward me, I am now forcing myself to have absolutely no contact with him he is in NY getting ready to deploy so I am not communicating any longer only because he has not even answered my calls or texts. So I don't know what to do next but divorce if he won't even talk to me while he is about to go to war. So I decided just to let him go. Why would someone want to ignore someone for months on end especially if they are going to war? You would think he would want to talk to me at least to ask about our kids. Yes we have 2 kids together which adds to the reason as to why I'm not so easy to let go. I do love him bu this behavior shows he doesn't feel the same. Yet when I tell him I want a divorce because of it he says that I want one not him... doesnt make sense? I'm very confused please help. Any suggestion?!

If he doesn't want to participate in the marriage - then there is not much that you can do. You can lead a horse to water, but you can't make it drink!

Sounds like you've been making all the effort while he sits passively watching you. It seems as if he needs to make you responsible for everything, even eventually the divorce.

I would suggest that you focus on the children now. Get good legal advice - the armed forces usually have good support for wives - and make sure that you have all the information you need and that your children get the financial support they deserve.

Perhaps write him a letter and tell him what you've decided (once you have all the facts) and let him know that you did your best, but that without any reciprocal effort, it was very hard to continue being part of the marriage. Ask him if this is what he really wants to do - put the ball back in his court and give him one last chance.

Ensure that you have family and friends around you to support you as you go through this process - does his family have any idea what he's doing?

Four years of marriage, and two kids is a lot to give up on.

With your husband about to be deployed, I'm not so sure that this is a good time to file for divorce or make any drastic changes.

With him gone, you will have time to reflect and so will he. You might find that he will miss you and the kids a lot, and realize that changes have to be made when he returns. To tell him while he is a world away that you are going to divorce him, while he is at war, seems cold to me somehow.

If the main problem as you say, is the lack of communication and affection toward you, start writing letters to him, even a few times a week. Tell him in a non judgmental kind of way, how you have been feeling and why. Then wait and see if he responds.

He may very well know that the marriage is on shaky ground, but didn't know what to do. This is a good way to extend the olive branch and see how he's thinking and feeling about things.

If the two of you can find a way to connect through letters, it may help turn things around for you.

But, to leave him now, doesn't seem right.