She wants a break to appreciate me more
Hi everyone. This is my first post on this site, but I think people on this site will be able to help me. It's a long story, but I will try to include as many important parts as possible. Sorry in advance for the long post!
So me and this girl have been going out for a little more than 3 yrs. When we first met she was 16 and I was 19 (almost 20). She was a junior in high school, I was a sophomore in college. (Yea a little young). I met her through a mutual friend who was going to my college and went to her high school. She comes from a privileged family, her dad is a lawyer and her mom works for apple. I come from a poor household, my family could not provide me with a lot of nice things. She has everything, I have nothing. When we first met she was quiet, really shy, anti-social, no self confidence, and she always thought she was ugly and fat. On top of that, she had a bad drug problem with meth. I was having my own drug problems also at that time. When we first got together, it was all about the drugs. But then I realized the direction my life was going towards and wanted to change my life. I sobered up and refocused on school. She drew inspiration from this, and we helped each other get off drugs, refocused on school, and reconnect with our families. She has always given me credit for saving her, but she saved me as well. She was my hero, and I was her hero. I always saw the potential in her, I knew she could always be a better person. As our relationship grew, so did she. She became more social, trusting, full of confidence, out going, and now she even thinks she beautiful. We really grew up and blossomed while together, and it was beautiful. We fell in love really fast.
Our relationship was so good for a long time. We grew up with each other and were crazy for each other. We always wanted to see each other, hang out, kiss, make love, everything together. We had little problems, but nothing major. She thought I was amazing. I was her first everything. First major boyfriend, major relationship, first sex partner, everything. She wasn't my first anything. I never did her wrong, always gave her my all. Of course we didn’t see eye to eye on everything, but we always made it work. In the beginning, she worked part time (like 18 hours a week) and went to school. I was working part time (about 22 hours a week) and going to college, but we still had time for each other. We were deep in love.
Her first year of college changed our relationship a little bit. She went to a school a little farther away from me and moved into the dorms over there, but it was OK because I worked five minutes away from her mom's house. I would see her for a little bit after work or on my lunch whenever she was home. Then my hours went up at work. I accepted a position where I was working about 35 hours a week, and still going to college full time. This strained our relationship a little bit, but we made it work. We were still deep in love.
Then came the summer. In July of 2009 she went to study abroad in Mexico for a month. Our communication was very limited, maybe 2 or 3 emails a week, and it drove me crazy. I wasn't use to that, and it took me a little while to get use to it. When she came back, I noticed something was a little different. She wasn't trying to see me as much, but it was only a little bit. She started to do her own thing a little bit more, but I was OK with that. I’m not the type of guy who won't let her do anything, I give her all the freedom in the world. I knew it part of her growing up, and I respected that. My only rule is to stay true to me. We were still really good and really in love.
So then in January of this year (2010), she went to study abroad again for another month. Our communication was again limited, and again I hated it. I missed her so bad and just wanted her back. I started to feel as if she was leaving me in the rear view mirror. When she came back we talked about it and she said she would work on it. She then became really close with her new dorm mates at school. The girls she lives with are party girls. All they do is party, go out, get wasted. She started hanging around campus more and coming home less. We started to see each other less and less. It got down to a point where we would see each other once a week or once every 2 weeks. And we would not talk a lot, barely any communications. A lot of it was our schedules. When I start school in the morning she’s still sleeping, when I’m out of school she’s in class or at work, when she’s out of class or work I’m at work, when I get off work she’s busy doing something. This really strained our relationship, barely any communication. It got to a point where we would send each other like 3-4 texts a day. I would voice my displeasure of this, but she always seemed cool with our situation. We talked about this and she said she would try to change her attitude and not make me feel left behind. It would get a little better, but not much. I thought we would get through it, I thought we were still in love.
We were arguing more and more now. Little things would turn into big arguments. The few times we would see each other, we wouldn’t be as happy as we use to be. I felt a disconnect growing between us. And I didn’t do anything about it, I would just brush it off. That’s where I am at fault, by not addressing the problem when it first came up. Also, I would be angry that she wouldn’t be getting at me, or taking hella long to respond to me. So then I would do the same with her, and now looking back this aided the distance between us grow. Our 3 year anniversary was march 4th and my birthday was march 15th. We spent the whole two days with each other, and we couldn’t even be 100% happy with each other, but we still had lots of fun with one another. I felt really unappreciated and felt like she was taking me for granted. I began to have doubts on whether I wanted to stay in the relationship or not. But I kept trying to fix the problems and make it work. It was very one sided and I began to grow tired of this. I got tired of her wanting to party and hang out with friends rather than hang out with me. I felt our love starting to disappear.
Then came march 31st. I finally got the courage to ask her if she felt a disconnect between us. She said yes, I asked her why and she said she didn’t know. She asked me why and I said I felt it was because she was falling out of love with me. She said she didn’t feel the same love for me as she use to. She said she’s a completely different person now than she was when we first met. I asked how do we fix this, and she said she needs a break. She says she needs a break to truly appreciate everything I offer and everything I do for her. She says she doesn’t know why she takes me for granted. And that the break will make her miss me a lot more. She says she needs to hit rock bottom to realize it. (This is true about her, she’s really hard headed. You can tell her all you want but she won't listen until something bad happens, then she’ll learn.) Of course I didn’t want the break and suggested doing other things. Like blocking out everything when we hang out and to truly enjoy the time together we have, even if its not that much. She said she really really the break and thought it was the only way to save us. She said on the break, she will focus on the stuff I use to do and focus on missing it. So I gave it to her. I let her know everything she was risking like losing me, her not wanting to come back, or 1 of us finding someone else. She says she’s not looking for someone else, but I told her when we got together we weren’t looking for each other, it just happened. She was willing to risk it. She said she would come back to me. She kept saying how she was confident she would come back to me. That people don’t realize what they have till its gone, that distance makes the heart grow fonder. Her rules for the break: no hooking up of any kind with other people, no physical interaction, and limited communication. She wanted 2 months, I said I might not be around in two months. She says she’s sure in like a month she’ll miss me so much and come back to me. We went on break march 31st, on Easter she called me twice and I didn’t answer her calls. I wanted NC to really make her miss me, I want to be out of the picture. She hasn’t tried to communicate with me since then. Its been 11 days since we last talked.
I’m going crazy without her. I always think of her and I hella miss her. I love her a lot still and can't get her out of my mind. Everything reminds me of her, reminds me of us. I’m more inattentive in school, and unfocused at work. I know I wrote a lot, but its because I’m so confused. I hella want her to come back to me, but at the same time I don’t know if me and her can work now. I deserve better don’t I? I feel like she ran away from me when we could have just worked it out like adults. I feel like she’s shelving me until she decides she wants me again. But I really want to give me and her a second chance, because I don’t just want to throw away 3 years of hard work and love. I’m the type of person who gives their all to whatever they’re doing. I hate leaving something or a situation where I know I didn’t give it my all to fix it. That’s why I want to give her a second chance, I hate quitting because all you think of for the rest of your life is “what if,” and that what if feeling sucks.
The first few days were torture. I thought about her once every like 2 minutes. Cried a lot. I had dreams about her and I saw a little reminder of her everywhere I go. Its still hella hard to cope, but its getting a little better. I don’t cry as much anymore, but I still think about her a lot. And a lot of what ifs. I try to say that since I’m her 1st relationship, she doesn’t know how these things work. She thinks that whenever she gets with someone, it’ll always be as good as me and her were. She has never been done dirty, never been done wrong. She can't appreciate the good, because she’s never felt the bad. So a part of me still believes that our relationship can be saved.
So what do I do? I have many questions. Like how long do I give her, the full 2 months? Should I start to move on and act like we’re broken up? When people ask if I have a girlfriend, what should I say? Is our relationship really over and I’m just not accepting it yet? How do I get her off my mind? Should I take her back if she wants to come back, will she come back at all? I know NC is the way to go, but its really hard. I’m really close to her family, especially her little sister. I consider her little sister one of my closest friends. She always giving me updates, and she says my gf/ex (whatever she is) is really confused on whether she wants to stay in a relationship with me, she doesn’t know if she wants to be with someone right now. Her little sister told me this son day 7 of the break. I knew that was the real reason for the break. I feel like she’s lying to me, like she wants to break up with me but doesn’t have the guts to do it, so she’s letting me go softly. Any advice and help would be greatly appreciated. Sorry for the long post, but I had to vent right now.
