My boyfriend and I have been together for 3 yrs. And maybe twice he's given me a compliment. I try and try to get his attention, I asked him once what he would think if I bought some lingerie, he said why? It's a waste cause it would have to come off anyway. I send him naughty pictures, he doesn't send a reply and if I ask him he says it was 'nice'
I've suggested doing it in different places, like the dresser or to be even more spontanious like the dressing room stall at a department store (and I know a few that don't even have cameras around) and his answer is always the same "we'll get caught, id rather do it in bed" but he doesn't hesitate to tell me that he's done it in a bathroom stall at clubs, hallway stairs, airplane bathrooms etc. Before he met me he was a big club hopper and Ive even suggested going out to our local clubs to go together and he always says no. I write him poems and send them tohim, and all he says is 'its nice baby, thanx'

I don't know what's wrong because he's the total opposite of what he was like with his exs. He used to be more spontanious with them, he would tell them they looked sexy, he would compliment them... and I don't get that. His excuse on why he doesn't compliment me is "i dont want you to get used to it." he would go out to the club with his exs. He even compliments his female friends but never me. Is going on? Anybody been thtough this?

If a guy tells me "I don't want you getting use to it," you know what I would do?

LEAVE.

Your not with the right type of guy for you.

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"I don't want you getting use to it,"

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That's idiotic, and uncaring so why are you still with him?

So stop doing nice stuff for him--including having sex--because he's "used to it" and expects it.

See how he likes THOSE apples.

(DTMFA)

This guy has no respect or feelings for you. You two are not a match.
If you have to go through all of those changes to get a compliment and you don't get one because he does not want you to get use to it, you are working overtime for nothing, not even minimum wage.
He can have you anytime he wants and treat you anyway he wants. You are a toy.
Leave him alone, he is so not worth it.

You're SUPPOSED to get used to being complimented by the person you're in a relationship with.

He's an a$$. He's not worth your time, energy, or love.

In the other aspects of our relationship he's the most caring loving guy I've met. We've been there for each other when times have been tough for us. I lost my job last year and he's a great provider an never complains. But it would be nice if he were more open with his emotions. Im thick but a little over weight and I thought that was the reason why he never complimented me so I started working out, but f*** it, ima do it for myself to get myself esteem back :) I don't need to relly on men to make me feel good. Thanks guys and ladies :)

I'm proud of you. Now, just stick with that feeling. You deserve to feel good about yourself, and he's not helping at all.

Don't send him sexy pictures cause if you break up you will never know what he will do with them. It sounds like you are hanging in for the good stuff he does but don't want to look at the whole picture, and if he loves you it should not matter if you are over weight, I bet you wouldn't care if he put weight on and that is because you love him. Please listern to the adivce the other members have given you.

Good for you!
I wish you the best

That would bug me so much! Has he always been this way? Well, it's hard to say... You can't really think he's not attracted to you or doesn't find you attractive, because he's stayed with you for three years, and you didn't mention anything about him being disloyal... But, that's just not right. When you love someone and care about them, you show it by complimenting them, and so forth. If he can compliment other girls, then he can certainly compliment you.
Plus, you're the only girl he should want to compliment!
Talk to him some more, if his attitude doesn't change then end it, and find yourself someone who appreciates all that you do for them!
Good luck hun!
x & Os

I am against leaving him just because of this. Just because he only says "nice" doesn't mean it is meaningless. I've said "wow WONDERFUL" and didn't really care about certain things. It's been 3 years and if this is your only complaint then I'd say that's great news considering his past. Don't compare yourself to his exs. Sit him down at a peaceful and quiet time and tell him nicely that you would like some compliments from time to time and you won't get used to it. Maybe he feels that when he complimented his exs, they took it to the head and left him. Maybe neglecting clubs and not giving compliments is his way of doing things differently so that you two can last longer since he loves you more. That can be in his mind. If he said "there's nothing to compliment", then leave. I think I sense an insecurity of losing you because you will get used to it and then you won't NEED HIM to say things to you, so he keeps things simple. Why leave if everything is great besides this? This just needs a little work. I think the people who simply suggest to leave are not really thinking. You may also benefit from taking care of yourself and not expecting many compliments and then perhaps more compliments will come. Confidence is sexy. Try talking to him. I hope I helped a bit and gave you something to think about. I wish your relationship the best and I do hope your man makes the right choice. Good luck, sweetie!

Omg emopunk7! Thank you so much for your advice, I sat down and thought about it and you hit the nail rite on the head. He doesn't go out to clubs because he says he doesn't want to be in that environment anymore. The girls he used to date were club girls, high maitenance or self absorbed. So since they looked good he said they expected to be comllimented all the time. And I'm the total opposite, I'm thetype of girl who likes wrestling,mma, sports, hanging out with the guys but I'm still femenine lol so he says our personalities are perfectly matched and he's never had that with his past relationships. I do think he's a bit weary but we'll work it out :) thank you so much I feel a whole lot better :) and I will deffinately keep my promise to myself.

Did he hit the nail on the head or tell you what you wanted to hear?

I am not questioning your advice emopunk7.

I am just questioning her! :)

I'm just adding my 2 cents to the issue... cause first of all I don't know every detail about your relationship (not that I need to ;)

But my first thoughts were: leave... leave... get out.

I do find Emopunk7's advice refreshing because it gives a new perspective on things: stuffs complicated, right (always.. or so it seems)

Working out for you.. or doing things that makes you feel good is in anycase a good idea! Also to have a talk with him about it is a good idea... lol and to STOP comparing yourself to his ex's is an even better idea...

And I do agree with emo's advice: If this is the BIGGEST negative, it might be FIXABLE. So to try to work things out and see how it goes.


Best of luck though!

Maybe you liked the old him and not the new him. Tell him in a nice way of course, the things you would like to do, how you wish to be treated.

On a personal note, life is too short and I don't understand why women date these guys they are unhappy with for years. They put up with stuff they don't like, why?
Men treat you the way you allow them to treat you. They will do better or they will leave, in which case, you are better off.

I`m in the same situation and I think it`s time for me to back off after seven years.

My boyfriend does not compliment me only his female friends they call him at odd hours and is even friends with the girls who wanted to break us up.he compares me with them and he just wants to impress them with his position money and status and car.I think I`m ready to leave him

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Originally Posted by shooms

i`m in the same situation and i think it`s time for me to back off after seven years.

my boyfriend does not compliment me only his female friends they call him at odd hours and is even friends with the girls who wanted to break us up.he compares me with them and he just wants to impress them with his position money and status and car.i think i`m ready to leave him

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