I buy my boyfriend great presents and gifts, for example, a custom surfboard, brand new laptop, plane ticket to Dominican republic, a nice watch, and nice neckless, nice glasses, I use my car and gas money to go anywhere, I say cute things and let him know how much I love him, I plan trips and activities for us to do, he comes to my house way more often then I go to his and just so much more. My boyfriend does nothing in return. He tells me things he wants to do for me and what he's going to to for me but everything thing he had told me hasn't happened and we have been dating for 8 months. I know he's not rich and etc but seriously I would like some appreciation for the amount of things I do for him. Should I just stop doing all these nice things?

Why not be honest about your concerns?

Instead of playing mind games, such as "stop doing all these nice things", I suggest that you talk things out with him and come to a mutual understanding.

Work together as a team rather than being the opposition.

I've already discussed it with him. On one particular occasion where I had bough dinner he didn't even say thank you, and when I bought him sunglasses I still didn't receive a simple thank you

It really seems you are putting a lot of finances into a new relationship,really you need to sit down and talk to him.

Perhaps he does not have the money you do and can't buy you things.

There's loads you can do that does not involve money,but if he can't say thanks,maybe back off the pressies for a while or back out of the relationshop! (thats not a typo)

Money can't buy you love,and I do understand that it's a way of showing affection,perhaps,its time to take a closer look at what's going on.

He's going to keep taking so long as you keep giving.

If you want respect, earn it. If that doesn't work, demand it (where you're at now), and if it's still not working, give up and leave.

Stop showing him with gifts and make him realize that a relationship is a team effort. He doesn't thank you for your gifts because he doesn't have to. You still bought him a pair of sunglasses after he didn't thank you for dinner.

I don't think talking to him is going to help any. Unless he is completely oblivious, he already can see this relationship is one-sided, so you'll just be stating the obvious.

Actions speak louder than words.

This relationship doesn't seem natural. He's being himself and you're being yourself. Unfortunately, you're just not on the same page. You can't force him to start paying, he's got to do it on his own account.

If paying for things is important to you and he can't pay for whatever reason, then find someone else who is more compatible with you. There's no reason for you to force this relationship. You're beating a dead horse.

Healthy loving relationships should be filled with give and take, but that doesn’t mean you should do all the giving and he should do all the taking.

The real question you should be asking yourself is: Why in the world are you putting up with such an utter, thoughtless, selfish cheapskate?

It doesn't take much to do something special for someone. All it takes is some thought, some heart and just a tiny amount of effort. If it's too much trouble for him to plan an event, give you a card, buy you a few flowers, or take you out for dinner, you need to dump the loser and find someone who appreciates you.

This isn't about being materialistic or wanting something extraordinary. This is about having some self-esteem and about realizing you are entitled to be, at a minimum, treated as an equal.

If he’s just going to sit around and be a taker who can't be bothered to do anything, throw him back in the pond where he belongs. I guarantee you there is someone much nicer out there who will appreciate you.

He claims he would give me the world if he could, he tells me he has these plans for us, and he wants to take me out, take me to meet his grandma, take me on a picnic, with 8 months into the relationship he hasn't done any of those.

Actions speak louder than words.

All talk, no action.

Is this what you want?

You're his sugar mama, and obviously he doesn't have to be nice, or appreciative, because you accept it, and just keep giving, and giving.

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Originally Posted by MDpower17

He claims he would give me the world if he could, he tells me he has these plans for us, and he wants to take me out, take me to meet his grandma, take me on a picnic, with 8 months into the relationship he hasn't done any of those.

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Actions truly do speak louder than words. If it is this bad at 8 months, can you imagine how much worse it could be in 8 years when you get really used to each other?

You said "he claims he'd give me the world if he could", but it's all empty useless talk. There's a lot of things out there that he could give you that cost little to nothing. Problem is that he is just too self centered to notice or else he doesn't think you're worth the effort.

Seriously - You deseve better.

My first question is why in the world would you be doing all of this for someone you've been with for only 8 months? Are you trying to buy him or have a relationship with him?
You give him so much, what could he give you in return that could measure up if he has no money?

Stop giving him material things and try giving him your time and self, maybe that is something he can give you or will learn from that and do the same.

Threads and posts merged
My boy friend and I have dated once before for about 3 months, he was in a relationship with one girl for 3 years before me. They were each others first love. They broke up over summer and he went straight for me. We got into a relationship pretty fast. I always would worry that he still liked his ex and he told me he would never leave me for her and then one day after a couple months he broke up with me weeks after us both losing our virginity's together and a week after that I hear he was back with his ex. A whole year went by with little communication between us. He would seem interested in me and would really try to get my attention. So now We are dating and have been for the past eight months and we are both in love but it just can't seem to leave my head about him and his ex. I am so scared that he's going to go back to her and do the same thing to me again, even though he promises me he will never leave me.
Should this bother me STILL? Or do I just need to get over it?


We have been in a relationship for 8 months this year. We have been together for basically 2 years because we dated before "homegirl 50"

Just to let you know, you are in no way obligated to give him gifts. And the whole point of getting gifts is because you want to, not because you want soemthing in return. They're a nice gesture, but they aren't what makes a relationship. Stop spending your money on all this worthless crap. If he cares about you, REALLY, then he won't care if you give him much of anything. I don't understand why people tend to think they need to buy their partner's affection. If that's the case it's not a real relationship.

No I'm not saying you want him to buy your affection, I hope you just want to gestures, but what DOES he do for you to show you that he appreciates you other than his words? Does he do small favors for you without you asking, or when you do ask does he not complain? Does he offer to help out with things? Does he respect you and your lifestyle? Does he make you breakfast or dinner just because? These are all huge things that tend to be overlooked. People tend to look more at the material aspects first when they think about their relationship, and that's very disappointing. But your relationship is still fairly new. You know whay my guy and I do? We either split the costs, or take turns, and we don't spend a lot of money. So I advise you to stop doing all the gift stuff and maybe you will turn up with a new perspective after a while. :)

No I think this should bother you. Before, you shared something special and then he just up and left. It should have hurt you and you should use extreme caution with this guy. He has done this once before and he could do it again. Its nice to have your first lover as your significant other. Not many people can boast that one. I can, my fiancé was my first and with any hope she will be my last too.

He said he wouldn't leave the first time and he did, now he is swearing he won't. Can you blame him for his past transgressions against you? I think you can. And I think that you are smart enough to keep a close eye on him. Otherwise you would not be here asking for help.

You want us to justify your fears, but this is something I will not do. Instead I will say stay with him but make sure you protect your emotions in case something like that happens again.

I hope it goes well for you.

Sounds like you were just his rebound.

You haven't even really started the relationship and there's so much mistrust already.

Seems fairly clear that he's not even going to put much effort in gaining your trust anyway.

I would say: plenty of fish in the sea.

He seems to like going back and forth, and you seem to be oblivious to his bad points, and worried so much about losing him, that you not only put up with his crap, but pay through the nose to keep him. You have been trying for 2 years and you still aren't secure in your feelings? Time to go!

Not a very healthy relationship to me.

I'm sorry but this relationship seems to be all about you trying to please a guy who you don't trust and who might well walk out on you again.

Do you really want another two years of feeling insecure and used?

Sounds to me like you are trying to buy his loyalty to you. It's not going to happen.
You were his rebound, those relationship rarely work out. If he gets a nod from this girl, it would not surprise me if he does not leave you again.

Stop buying him things, if he is going to stay with you, let it be for you, not what you buy for him.
He has shown you once that he can make a promise and break it, that would be enough for me to be leery.
The way he treats you should be an indicator.

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Originally Posted by MDpower17

Threads and posts merged
My boy friend and i have dated once before for about 3 months, he was in a relationship with one girl for 3 years before me. They were each others first love. They broke up over summer and he went straight for me. We got into a relationship pretty fast. I always would worry that he still liked his ex and he told me he would never leave me for her and then one day after a couple months he broke up with me weeks after us both losing our virginity's together and a week after that i hear he was back with his ex. A whole year went by with little communication between us. He would seem interested in me and would really try to get my attention. so now We are dating and have been for the past eight months and we are both in love but it just can't seem to leave my head about him and his ex. I am so scared that he's going to go back to her and do the same thing to me again, even though he promises me he will never leave me.
Should this bother me STILL? Or do i just need to get over it?


We have been in a relationship for 8 months this year. We have been together for basically 2 years because we dated before "homegirl 50"

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Ah, it all comes together now.

You're in a rebound relationship and you're trying to change his loyalty from his ex by buying him stuff.

You must know he's on the rebound otherwise you wouldn't have posted here, twice

8 months is longer than most rebounds, but he ain't going to stop it if you keep it up--a plane ticket to the DR? This relationship is 100% selfish on his part. If you want to make things right, you have to make the first move.