I really enjoy sex. My boyfriend and I used to do it at least 5 times a week. Now its once every week/week and a half. Its really frustrating. I asked him if its because he masturbates a lot and he said no, he doesn't even do that anymore. Its like his sex drive isn't even existent anymore. He would much rather play video games all day. He also says he loves me and we don't need to have sex to be in love, sex isn't part if a relationship. I say that we might as well be just friend than. We've been dating for a year and a half now. I know he loves me but I really miss having sex and doing foreplay like we used too.. but yet when he's in the mood he doesn't even bother to get me in the mood he just jumps right on, like he assumes I'm always ready for sex since I ask for it all the time. What happened to my horny boyfriend?

He got obsessed with video games.

It's a fine diversion... but not if you do it so much it consumes or affects your life.

He doesn't smoke pot or drink heavily too does he?

If he is really into those games he may be letting his diet slip. If you eat crappy food I hear that it can kill your sex drive. Not to mention his mind is consumed by the games. When he wants it and "Jumps On" shut him out. Tell him he will get non unless he steps it up a few notchs. Tell him you want more personal time with him in the bedroom and that if you don't get it you're going to throw his game system out the window. :D that should get his attention lol.

Kidding, don't threaten him. For all we know he could have a medical issue or for that matter he could just have gotten used to sex and is getting bored. Or he could just have a naturally lower sex drive than you. Is he on any medication? I know first hand that certain depression pills kill out your sex drive.Its a long story that I am not about to get in to here.

Try spicing it up a bit. Go out and buy a drop dead knock out sexy see through nighty ;) Just stroll out in front of his little game and see what he wants more.

Put on a little show for him... I can't give endepth advice here but use your imagination all right.

What you are trying to do is for a little bit just convince him to willing take you on your time more often, and like his games he may get "addicted" to it. May be the wrong word but the meaning still works.

My fiancée is the same way.. but he complains he's tired . It makes me feel un attractive , we hae 2 kids we use to do it like 5 times aweek soemtimes more and it was funn and exciting but now it seems like he wants to get it over with as soon as possible . And I feel like we are to grandparents sitting on the couch rather then being a 21 and 23 year old couple that is in love . I am just as confused as you are , maybe have him checked out it could be something serious

Drugs, alcohol, diet, porn could all contribute to a decrease in sex drive. It could also be a medical condition or age. A trip to the doctor to be sure there is nothing wrong would be the first order of business. Next would be to look at everything else in your lives.

I kind of love how this site works.

Basically: "My girlfriend doesn't want sex as much as me"

Leads to:
- Talk to her about
- Maybe her sex drive just doesn't match yours

"My boyfriend doesn't want as much sex as me"
Leads to:
-Totally his fault
-Talk to him about it

Seriously, maybe his sex drive just isn't that high once you're out of the bunny rabbit stage.

Also, talk to him about it.

Quote:

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Originally Posted by JK191

I kinda love how this site works.

Basically: "My girlfriend doesn't want sex as much as me"

Leads to:
- Talk to her about
- Maybe her sex drive just doesn't match yours

"My boyfriend doesn't want as much sex as me"
Leads to:
-Totally his fault
-Talk to him about it

---

The problem with stereotypes, JK, is that they're typical. In the original question the boyfriend is now playing videogames rather than jayjayess. Single-tracking males is a stereotype that tends to hold true. One of the observed indications of maturity is the ability to shift focus. The commiseration from Mommykoala (she answered her own question) shows a second stereotype: having kids will cut into your "us" time.

And yes, discussing issues is how you make a partnership work.

I would agree. Talking to him about it would be the fist suggestion. I have been through the same situation. My boyfriend never wanted to have sex and when he did, it was all about his needs and hurry and get it over with. I got tired of it and talked to him. I also picked up this AMAZING book. It is called "The Good Girl's Guide to Bad Girl Sex" by Barbara Keesling Ph.D It changed my life and they way I saw myself as well as helped out in the bedroom. Good luck!

Quote:

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Originally Posted by jayjayess

I really enjoy sex. My boyfriend and I used to do it at least 5 times a week. Now its once every week/week and a half. Its really frustrating.

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Hi jayjayess, I think you are a real sweetheart to have such desire for sex with your boyfriend and you should be proud of yourself. Many men out there (including me) are dying to have a woman like you so there is nothing wrong with you. You are being honest and in touch with your sexuality. In today's society, sadly, not many women are that confident about their sexuality. Many GOOD men out there respect and love women who are like this.

Well, this is my advice and is coming from a man FYI.

My understanding from what I read from your description. It looks like your man (or in correct terms "boy") is taking you for granted and instead of focusing "YOU", he focuses on his Video game. That spells out some red flag that he needs growing up to do.

I won't say he should have any medical problem because if that was true, then why would you both had hot sex 5 times a week? And why not now?

Your man is taking you for granted. Psychologically, it is because, sex for him is like getting something out from a vending machine with very little effort. NOTE THIS! It is not your FAULT. He is taking you for granted and he doesn't realize it because he is so damn hooked to his video games. And I can tell you, games can be very addictive, it is like a drug.

Here are my suggestion. If you truly have deep feelings for your partner, here are the things you MUST NOT DO.

Criticize his video game.
Complain about the lack of sex you getting from him.

Why? This is because healthy men, knows exactly how their sex drives works. If you question him or comment about the lack of sex you are not getting from him, it will only give him chance to say that you are being very needy or demanding. Healthy men ALWAYS want sex. Loving men ALWAYS enjoy sex with the same woman.

Do not criticize his video game or control him, he has got to know it himself, he has to learn and grow up, that there is another wonderful female human being out there that wants an intimate relationship with him. If that damn video game is so much more wonderful to him than you, then let him have sex with the video game. Would the video game fulfill him in 10 years time?

Now that this thing is affecting your norm sanity, here is
What you NEED to do(regardless whether male or female):

1. Don't do anything for now, you have no control on others!
2. Calm down and Relax. Signs of uncomfort does not create attraction.
3. Improve yourself. This is because yourself esteem has been slightly chip off. (Get in shape)
4. Go out and work out, make your body more attractive. Just don't over do it.

This should get on his toes and wake up to see there is something else he is missing. You see, human being always want something they can't have.

If he confronts you why you both aren't so much into sex anymore, that is a good sign. Tell him how you feel, and make sure, MAKE SURE... you do it in a positive way. Remember, he has to at least put some effort to get sex from you as well. Foreplay IS, one and FOREMOST dearly important. When you let him put some effort, he will feel good about himself too. Don't over do it though. Hope that helps.

ispyspeed

Ps: To know if you are in a toxic relationship, you can add me as friend and watch my YouTube videos.

HA!

She does NOT need to sit back and be passive and wait for his stupid arse to get his crap together enough to realize that he's hurting her.

She should disconnect the internet and let him know that it's his games or it's her if he can't balance the two.

Basically it's like this: SHE is not there to support HIS needs and habits when he's not helping with HER needs. End of story.

Frankly, the only way I've ever seen a guy hooked on video games pull his head out of his arse and realize that he has a girlfriend/wife and NOT a maid/cook/dishwasher is when she leaves and he doesn't have all of his immediate needs met anymore.

Not confront him--HA! Not disparage his games?--DOUBLE ha!

She frankly has every right to tell him to get his crap together and realize that he's half of a relationship or she's going to leave.

Sorry, I, assumed she had already confronted him initially about it period. If you haven't confronted him about it, then yea, most definitely you will have to.

My advice given is only if you have confronted about it to him, and you still have very deep feelings. You're not married to him yet so it's just a boyfriend and girlfriend thing.

But if you are married, it's out of my league to give any opinion about it. ^^

Im in the same boat, my boyfriend of three years has seriously cut off from our sexual relationship and focused all his time and energy to PC online games, I love that he has a hobby and communicates with his friends online, however, I feel completely cut off from him, I have tried to speak to him about this problem dozens of times, I have put all my cards on the table, even threatened (its me or the pc) at him, why do I stay? Should I go? I have a unusually higher sex drive, but most of all I miss spending that quality time with him, if he has shut off then I suppose I am not in the same relationship as I was when we first started dating...

To all the girls out there in this situation, know what you want and fight for it.

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