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My GF of 2 years and I have both been really stressed. We have been fighting because of it. She told me she needed space to figure herself out. I snapped and yelled at her very loud for 5 seconds. She stormed out and said she didn't want to talk to me. She said when she is ready she will contact me. I started reading books on stress mgmt cuase I need to bette myself. Its really hard to wait for her. What should I do?
Did you have a stop watch when you were yelling? You're pretty specific about only yelling at her for 5 seconds.
I may be wrong but I think there's more to this then you're telling us. Yelling happens, most people don't storm out for just that reason.
The fact that your story is so neat, all your ducks lined up, makes me think you're not telling us everything.
Of course that's up to you but you'll get better advice if we know everything that's going on. We won't judge if it was worse then just yelling but we will be able to give you more accurate advice.
It would really help if you let us know what the fight was about and why you yelled. That way we can give you better advice. You might feel guilty about yelling and don't want to look bad, but if' you're really sorry and want to deal with it then I say just take the brief criticism so you can figure everything out. If you're trying to work on your relationship then ignore looking bad to other people and focus on fixing things. Everyone yells, as Alty said before, You're human. Let us know what's up sp we can better help you.
All I yelled was "ok if thats the way you want it". She said I crossed the line with the way that I yelled at her. It was LOUD and aggressive. I didn't touch her or come at her. She has been unhappy lately and per her words its not with me. SHe feels like a failure in life cause she has not accomplished the goals she wanted at this point in her life. The reason I blew up was because, she told me she is still in love with me and I'm her best friend but She said she just needed to take care of herself first. We have been fighting lately but for the most part we've had a perfect relationship. Its confusing to me as well. Im a mess over not hearing from her. I wish there was more that I could decipher.
I think you should just let her cool off for a while. If you want do something out of the ordinary, send her flowers saying sorry, send her a stuffed animal with a note, or just even leave a note on her door saying sorry and just leave it as that and let her come to you.
Well that's how I work anyway, I like to see the flower, or the stuffed unicorn [yeap I have a stuffed unicorn] with that "I'm sorry, I love you" note, and just giving me space is great.
Chances are she's more mad at herself than you right now so just giving her some time and space would be great. It'll kill you for a little but eventually she'll come around to talking to you again.
Good luck!
Mudweiser,
I want to do that but she was specific about her coming to me, Would she really want flowers from me right now? Wouldn't she think that by sending her flowers I am not respecting what she wants? IDK that's why I'm asking. I am extremley lost right now!
Hey it was just a suggestion. Personally even when I'm mad and I don't want to talk to you I would [secretly] like the fact that the guy I'm mad at sent me flowers. And I'm not saying you have to be there to give them to her- have them send or just leave them on her door step.Quote:
Originally Posted by steve51234
If she asked you to leave her alone then don't contact her through phone or email or texting... just leave her something..
That's just my suggestion.
What the worst that can happen? She'll throw them out? She'll rip up the note.
I think your reading into it too much. She's been with you for 2 years she can't just be mad and never speak to you again, that sounds really immature. She'll come around and talk to you again, good or bad.Quote:
Wouldn't she think that by sending her flowers I am not respecting what she wants? IDK that's why I'm asking. I am extremley lost right now!
Stress upon anger leads to more stress and more anger... frustration, all that yucky stuff. Tempers flared and maybe they got the best of both of you. Just relax, calm down and give each other some space for now to cool the jets!
You can't go wrong with flowers though.
Sending a sincere apology letter with flowers sounds like a great idea.
However, I wouldn't push her to talk to you so soon. Give her time and space to cool off. She said that she will contact you when she's ready, so respect her wishes.
Her best friend just reached out to me... So her and I are going to talk later today. Im just going to lay it all on the line, right or wrong, I don't know. But I'm just happy that someone close to her is going to know what my thoughts are!
This is something I am not a huge fan of. A "third party" relationship counselor that is biased to one side more than another. I would caution you to "lay it all on the line." In my opinion issues like these need to be handled between you and your girlfriend. It isn't any of her best friend's business, as this is an extremely personal matter that should be handled with some discretion. Just my opinion though.Quote:
Originally Posted by steve51234
Is it just me or is this becoming more and more of a drama-tastic situation?
This sounds like a crazy high school relationship to me. It just seems like he is looking way too hard into this.Quote:
Originally Posted by kctiger
Yeah you love her, yeah you've been in a relationship with her for 2 years, and yeah you yelled at her. Now just let it be, your sorry, I assume you said your sorry, and just let her come to you.
If she wanted to talk to you she wouldn't have sent her little messenger. I honestly wouldn't be the first one to start talking to her again because she may get mad at her friend for getting involved and she might get mad at you for talking to her friend about your problems [hey chicks can get crazy, I know I'm one of 'em].
Best thing for you is to get off the computer, go out with your friends, have some fun and just leave this relationship alone for a while, if she wants to talk to you again she'll text, call or come over...
Relax!
So her best friend was really supportive, I didn't wimper I kept it simple and about my issues and that I'm trying improve myself. Her friend told me that it was about what I said not how I delivered it? At first this was puzzling to me but when I thought about it, I was essentially the road block to her figuring herself out if I wasn't going to support her and was going to resist the space at first?? Any thoughts?
As stated before, my only thoughts are why in can't your girlfriend sit down and talk to you about this? This is the strangest thing I've ever heard of... having a friend work out and communicate your own relationship problems.
That would be my concern: why can't she talk to me herself? Is this setting a precedent for future arguments?
Your all right! I need to chill. I am reading way to far into everything! The friend wasn't a mediator just a friend. I am going to patiently wait, I know that's what I need to do. Im obvioulsy posting cause I'm not thinking clearly. Thanks for help!
That would be the smart thing to do, just chill until she is ready to talk. For sure it hurts to be in limbo, but trying to force someone to do something you want, but they don't, is a recipe for disaster, and even more problems.Quote:
Originally Posted by steve51234
Obviously the perfect relationship you thought you had has flaws. Pay attention, and how about some real background into the problems you had, and what lead to the stress?
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