Hi everyone...

I wanted to raise this question, having a bit of a debate!

Does anyone think there is a correlation between gender and whether you are the dumper or dumpee.

What I mean is, do men walk from relationships more than women or is it vice versa?

It seems to me that from what I have seen there is a direct 50/50 split and no evidence to suggest any relationship between these two factors.

I am sat here debating it with a friend of mine... he seems to think women walk more than men.

I disagree with him, I can't see any patterns at all..

What do you think? :confused:

I think most psychologists would claim that women walk more often than men. Statistics show that women file for divorce more often than men.

Ahhhhh, So I may be wrong after all!

Interesting, I thought this question was lacking any real use but seems from what you say that there is evidence to suggest this.

Hmmmm I am female. Out of one very brief marriage and three relationships I had before I married this last and hopefully enduring time, I left three and was left once. But I have to say... one of them totally emotionally left me first which forced me to physically leave him so its hard to tell where that one counts? I would make it 2 : 2 and say so much for the profile for me, if that didn't look like bad science to anyone.

Interesting topic Geoff - as we say here, mercy buckets!

Perhaps by their very nature then, women are stronger emotional creatures because of this.

For the most part!

Agree/disagree>?

Just from reading all the questions and answers and just from my own opinion. I think it is the women that leaves the guy in more cases then the other way around, but the circumstances and situations obvously for reasoning could defiantly be justified and different. Sometimes not.

Joe

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Originally Posted by s_cianci

I think most psychologists would claim that women walk more often than men. Statistics show that women file for divorce more often than men.

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I would agree. Statistics also show that men have a much more difficult time with the break up suicide is incredibly higher for men after a divorce. I don't know if it is society or our desire to feel macho but I think part of the problem is women can talk about a break up with both men and women and get sympanty and feedback. They can also cry and nobody questions them.

A guy on the other hand can talk about his break up with other guys but eventually men grow tired of listening to there friend talk about the ex. Even if a guy only mentions that he was dumped he still has a hard time getting the anger out because, again, he can't get emotional. (I mean he can't get emotional from society's point of view).

I will admit this to you all, after my first major break up, a woman I went out with for 2 1/2 years when she dumped me I cried like a baby when I was alone. But I can tell you, you never would have caught me crying in front of my friends. That probably would have been more painful then the break up. I guess that's a guy thing. Women on the other hand can let out there emotions and not keep it in.

So I think I got a little off topic but the point I guess I was making was that men have a harder time with the break up and as a result won't initate it unless there are drastic problems. Plus when a woman leaves, she's generally already left the relationship months prior in an emotional state. Most men are too caught up in their love for her that they don't notice her pulling away. That's why so many men get caught off guard and she hops over to the next guy without any problems. Her emotional state left him long before her physical self.

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Originally Posted by Geoffersonairplane

Perhaps by their very nature then, women are stronger emotional creatures because of this.

For the most part!!

Agree/disagree>?

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I think so. Women tend to deal with emotional situations in a more civil manner. Men can just lose it all together. I'm guessing, and I have no way to back this up, but I'm guessing that's why more men are murders. Eventually all those emotions just build up and are unleashed.

Geoff,

I would have to say, well first, let me back track... GREAT QUESTION... okay, I would have said prior to me being on this site, hands down, don't even bother counting all the tissues used for drying tears... it is MEN who break off relationships and walk away more than women. Now, I said something very similar to this under members discussions, I think that was because I only have sisters and naturally my girlfriends would share their painful experiences with me and I with them, so that is really all I ever witnessed, was the broken hearts of girls.

With all that said, to me, so far, only been here a little while... I would say it's even. I see just as many post from men who are looking for answers and comfort as I do women.

So, I would say... 50/50 and you are right, there really are no patterns, at least to me.

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Originally Posted by Geoffersonairplane

Perhaps by their very nature then, women are stronger emotional creatures because of this.

For the most part!!

Agree/disagree>?

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Well... agree, I think. But...

... culturally I think we girls are more supported to handle our emotions openly and well whereas men are really ripped off in this department. But even if culturally we improved, I think some of our biology would remain --I mean it goes back thousands of years and aided us in our mutual survival!

And that is men are physically stronger for the hunting/providing/protecting instincts and women are emotionally stronger for the clan/hearth/child instincts. It also answers other differences like how women read social actions better but men read spacial features better. She makes it possible for ancient man not to make so many mistakes they get thrown out of the clan (which would be death in those days) and he makes it possible to gauge how close to build the fire to the entrance of the cave to keep the cavepeople eating dinosaurs from coming in. We may be civilized today but we carry in us all that we have been too.

Which is why today we girls go to the bathroom in pairs (to compare "clan" notes what else! LOL) and you guys are by and large better drivers (I won't even get in the cars of some of my girlfriends LOL) I think the really cool thing to realise is her gifts and his gifts, when combined well, make a perfect whole and that I believe is by divine design. We need each other for more than just the obvious stuff LOL. And you can either fight over these differences using them against each other or respect and share them and reap that reward. I love how male my mate is and he loves how female I am -- it has been and remains something of a mystery to us both we are still discovering even though we'll have known each other 18 years this New Year's Eve.

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Originally Posted by valinors_sorrow

it has been and remains something of a mystery to us both we are still discovering even though we'll have known each other 18 years this New Year's Eve.

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That's a fantastic day to celebrate as an anniversary Val.. (New Year's Eve! )

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Originally Posted by valinors_sorrow

guys are by and large better drivers (I won't even get in the cars of some of my girlfriends

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There you have it folks. It's in writing now and the women can't back out on us and say otherwise.

Women end about 90% of the relationships.

Men may be done with them attimes, but don't end it.

Women prepare to end things way before men do... it can even be a month before. They are ready to go.

Guys just aren't good at it.

I agree with wildcat.

Much of the time the man has left the relationship emotionally or physically before its officially called "off"... then the woman, often the steward of the relationship, is left to clean up the mess.

Then again, of the three huge breakups I've had, I called two of them... so maybe what I wrote above is bunk.

We certainly have our fair share of guys writing in here who are emotionally still attached (sometimes clinging) when the girl calls a break...

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Originally Posted by kp2171

imuch of the time the man has left the relationship emotionally or physically before its officially called "off".... then the woman, often the steward of the relationship, is left to clean up the mess.

then again, of the three huge breakups ive had, i called two of them... so maybe what i wrote above is bunk

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That's how it clearly was in one of my relationships. I think since men aren't as good at handling emotions as women (and we discussed that back there a bit already) they tend to really "chicken" (for lack of a better word- sorry guys) on something as emotionally messy as ending it is. That you could end it and did so on those two reationships you mention KP, speaks of a kind of emotional braveness (and I'm not surprised since you show it in other ways here too) that I wish you and men like you would become better at fostering in your fellow males. You would be so much better at that than us women are. Women don't know how to raise men and as a result of creating single moms like we have culturally, we reap quantiies of men who don't know how to "be men" and that sadly shows up in figures like women end 90% of all relationships... at least that's what I think. :o

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Originally Posted by valinors_sorrow

...That you could end it and did so on those two reationships you mention KP, speaks of a kind of emotional braveness (and I'm not surprised since you show it in other ways here too) that I wish you and men like you would become better at fostering in your fellow males. ...

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well... I appreciate your substituting "emotional braveness" for "irish temper". =)

I don't take kindly to being cheated on, so it wasn't too hard to sever the ties. And while itd be nice to not have to get kicked now and then, I do think I'm a wiser person for having made some dumb mistakes (staying too long in a relationship, clinging, losing myself in the other) and learning from them, albeit sometimes slowly. Irish temper and that y chromosome sometimes hinders me, sometimes helps.

"Skell agrees: Hahaha Chuff! Print the page out and take it everywhere you go!"

This weekend, I'm going to take about 2000 copies to their gathering place... the mall. Then I'm going to put them under the wiper on the windshield of their cars and watch from a distance when they go to leave. The best part is we have Val to thank for this.

Thanks Val!

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Originally Posted by chuff

"Skell agrees: Hahaha Chuff! Print the page out and take it everywhere you go!"

This weekend, I'm going to take about 2000 copies to their gathering place...the mall. Then I'm going to put them under the wiper on the windshield of their cars and watch from a distance when they go to leave. The best part is we have Val to thank for this.

Thanks Val!

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I'm going to try and spray paint it on the houses of parliament here in the U.K.

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Originally Posted by Geoffersonairplane

I'm going to try and spray paint it on the houses of parliament here in the U.K.

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Geoff, just some more advice for you my friend, before you bend over to do your painting, just make sure only men are behind the wheel in the cars driving by.

No charge for this advice. :)

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Originally Posted by Allheart

Geoff, just some more advice for you my friend, before you bend over to do your painting, just make sure only men are behind the wheel in the cars driving by.

No charge for this advice. :)

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LOL...

:D

I can picture that one Allheart!

Although the NHS here in the UK is rather understaffed at the moment!

I don't think A&E could handle it!