Personal help on getting over first love
For two months, I was in a relationship with a very special person. I was 21 (now 22), he was 20. He was like me in so many ways: we liked the same music, we got annoyed by the same things, and we were friends with the same people. It was my first relationship. We spent most of our free-time together and we hated being apart. When we hung out, I felt like a very special person because I could tell him things that I never told anyone else and he always listened. Everyday we spend together ended with us lying in each others arms in his van. Although he was only my first boyfriend, I knew I was in love.
When we started dating, we both realized that we had a common interest in something: sex. We were both very young and neither one of us had sex before. Since our relationship was going well and we got along great, we both eventually felt that we were ready to discover sex together. So, about a month in a half into our relationship, we made love for the first time. It was so romantic and we loved how we expressed our love in such a way. Yet, we liked it so much, we did it a lot, almost every time we saw each other. Although we were technically moving a little fast in our relationship, we were happy.
That was until one night when I invited him to my house for dinner...
My mom caught us making love in my bedroom. She angrily threw my boyfriend out of the house, telling us he was no longer welcome to come back. We cried in each other's arms, horrified of what our actions just led to.
"Maybe this is it," he whispered in my ear. "I've gotten you into this, and I can't cause this kind of trouble for you anymore."
"No," I told him. "I want to wait things out before making any drastic decisions. I don't want to lose you."
After he went home that night, I was frightened that maybe this was it. A few days later, I received a text from him saying that he wanted to meet for a bit. He took me to one of our favorite hang-outs, placed his hand on top of mine, and looked at me in the eyes.
He told me that he had done some thinking recently and said that it would be best for us to distance from each other for a while, especially since we both had school and work to focus on. This sounded a lot like a break up to me. I rejected his decision, saying that what happened that night was bound to happen so that we could learn to continue our relationship without making those mistakes again. But, that didn't change his mind.
"I felt like I've used you," he said. "You are not responsible for what has been happening because this is your first relationship and you didn't know. I've been in several relationships, and I know how to take things slow. But, I didn't apply any of that knowledge to our relationship and I feel like I failed you in showing you what it is like to fall in love the right way."
I still tried to stop the break up, telling him that I have given him my innocence and that there is no other person in the world who can have that.
"That's another reason why I want to do this," he replied. "I feel like I have taken your virginity away from you. I have experience from past relationships and I know that a woman should only give up her virginity when she's in love. But, I allowed us to lose our virginities too soon and I can't believe I did that to you. That is something that you cannot have back."
I told him that he should not be upset about him having my virginity too early, because I cared about him so much, I wanted him to have it. I started begging him not to break up with me because he made me so happy and that I couldn't imagine living a life without him.
"I shouldn't be making you happy," he said. "You are a beautiful person inside and out and you deserve to be treated like an angel. But, I haven't been treating you that way. I'm not in the right place to be in a relationship with you, or at least for right now. I can't be with you without feeling the guilt for the way I've been treating you. You deserve only the best and you should be with someone who can give that to you, because the best is something that I cannot offer you right now."
At this point, I knew there was nothing I could do to stop what was happening. In tears, I told him that I didn't like the idea of him going out with a woman who was not me.
"After being with you, I don't think I want to be in another relationship," he said.
Before he took me home, he told me that he needed me to accept the fact that our relationship was over and that he hoped that I didn't hate him for what he had to do. I shook my head.
"I can never hate you," I said. "I love you."
For the past few months, I've been keeping contact with him minimal to try to recover from the break up. It never really happened. I tried keeping my hopes up, telling myself that he is not going anywhere and that he will come back to me once he gets his mind straight again. But yesterday, I discovered that it was nothing but wishful thinking. A mutual friend texted me saying that my ex was dating a woman from his school and that he was keeping it secret from me! I almost died: I never felt so stupid or depressed in my whole life!
I called my ex, telling him that I knew what was happening and that he wasn't fooling anyone. He admitted that he has been taking this woman out, but it wasn't getting serious. I asked him what happened to the person who didn't want to be with someone else after me and why he didn't tell me when he was ready to date again.
"I'm trying to move on from what happened between us," he answered. "Our relationship didn't work out and it won't work out with me still being haunted from what I've done to you. I took your virginity away, and that was wrong of me. I can't look at you without hating myself for what I have done to you. You need to move on, too. You are a cool, smart person and you need someone who will treat you the way you deserve. Don't pursue in getting me back with you. You have your whole life ahead of you, and I don't want your feelings for me to keep you from developing into the amazing person you will become."
I was disappointed with him for lying to me, betraying me, and for not having moved on from the mistakes we made.
I honestly don't know what to do now. I really want to get him to forgive himself for his actions and give us a second chance, but I've done all I could to make him change his mind and nothing worked.
I don't like the idea of giving up on him, but a part of me believes that I should listen to my ex and try to move on. I don't like the idea of being with someone who is not him, but I don't think I have a choice.
So this all boils down to my question: Should I listen to my ex and move on with someone else? Is there a possibility for us to be together again? If so, how? How do I change his mind when he's been having these thoughts for more than three months? Is it even worth trying? HELP!! My heart is hurting and I still love my ex!
I'm sorry for the lengthy story, but I appreciate you all for reading it, because I don't know what to do.
