Matteus is back again. Difficult Situation, Dramatic Marriage
Hi everybody.
Here I'm back again, after some more drama in my life. Its like I can't help myself, but always find myself in difficult situations.
I was married for a short time (kind of 8-9 months) with a girl from another country, and we used to live in my country. I'm not going to speak about my marriage, because, for the truth's sake, it wasn't a marriage, was more like a dictatorship (lots of jealousy, insecurity, untrust, lies, and ending with an emotional cheating from her side). Although I loved her, there was more stress for me than love, sometimes I even stayed later at work, because I hated going home, as I knew there will probably be interrogations, or unreasonable fights. I didn't wanted to leave her, although I was asking myself, is this what a marriage should be like, and on the other side, I didn't wanted to be the one who dumped her, cause she was alone here, and that could bring a lot of problems after. Like 3 months ago, I found out that my "bored", immature, lazy, useless, jobless wife was having an emotional affair with some dude from other country through poker chat on Facebook (for conversation's sake I have to admit she never did anything else, except staying home all day, and playing online poker). My instincts told me something is wrong, but she never admitted anything. After I found out, my first reaction was to leave her just like that, and file for divorce (for which I don't regret), because I was more devastated from her lies than anything else. So I told her what I know, the next day after she left for her country (she even made a story about that, like her mother was having problems, and she needed urgently to be there, which was a way to escape)(we are from different countries, like 7500km away from each other), and that I want a divorce. She was pissed off (probably saying to herself "this is what i wanted too"), and said fine! I had a feeling in that time that she was pregnant with my child, as all the sings were there, so I sent her a message that she better abort the child, because I never wanted a future like that for us, for our family, and for that child, if there is any, and that I knew that that child's future will be damn hard with a father 7500km far away. She is grown without a father since she was 16, and she knows exactly what it means. After that, she told me that I proved to her that I don't love her. Bull. Bull when I and my parents did everything to make her feel home, loved, and was there for her every afternoon, and wanted to do things with her, but she always had to complain about anything, and I mean, even if you feel like doing something, you feel like they will not value it, so you better don't do it). Well, to keep it short, I tried to speak to her, during the first month and the second, after our separation, and in the meantime, I knew she and her so-called lover never stopped speaking to each other, so I said to myself, fine, that's what she wants, that's what she gets. So I told her I'm going for divorce, and she sent me her address. Nowadays, I don't want to have to do anything with her, she has lost any positive values in my eyes, and that love I had, is vanished. Its like I was in hell and just came back from it, and now I'm explaining anyone how hell looks like. What makes it more disgusting, is the fact that her mother created a "passionate" relationship with the brother of her daughter's boyfriend. I mean, come on, what's enough is enough. These two women or are stupid enough and have no moral at all, or they are users who want to leave their country no matter what, and try to find people wherever possible, and possibly with money!! I feel completely free in a way, because I knew my future wouldn't be that bright. Well, unfortunately, I found out, from her mails sent to her "lover" (they NEVER met personally!! ), that, she is pregnant from 6 months. About 6 months ago, we tried for another child, as the first pregnancy was a miscarriage. I was totally shocked, because, the child 99% could be mine (she didn't had any other physical contact with anyone else, except me, during the last year). The thing that puts me down is, I wanted this child, we both wanted it, we planned it (although she admits to her "lover", who out of fear or hurt, or I don't know what else, what's to dump her, or at least it looks like that, because they don't speak to each other anymore, that the child was unplanned and unexpected, which is completely a bull, because she loved to have a child, no matter what), and she even says if she could abort it, she would, but now is too late. A mother who denies her child because of her new lover, scares me to death!! It was a marriage, and not some bull. She never told me she is pregnant with my child, she keeps it a secret, I had to find it spying her mails. Its not good from my side to spy, but, I don't care, when it comes to the truth. The thing is, I'm not sure if I have to tell her that I know about the child (its like I never existed for her, she denied me, she blacklisted me, she never wanted to do anything with me, like I was some kind of damn devil, or something), and if I tell her, she might as well deny it. On the other side, I don't won't that child to be grown by her, because I had to know the devil inside her and her mother. That innocent child needs a father, and needs a mother, and the best thing to do was to keep at least a parentship together, and grow the child, but I feel like I can't tell her that I know about the things. I have been thinking about "the child probably is not mine", because now there is no more enigma for me, nothing she does impresses me, but on the other side, there was no possibility she could have had sex with some other guy in my town, as there was no possibility. I don't know what to do. I know mostly of you can not give an answer, on the other side, I don't know if I'm asking for an answer, or just want to share it with you. I had to know the devil.
