My husband and I are not sexually compatible after more than 2 yrs of marriage and I find him really selfish he does not do anything special for me on my birthday or anniversary etc I've just been disappointed too much. I fell in love with someone at work we started as friends and enjoyed talking to each other and then got intimate. After that I had to leave the city and he made it clear that he did not love me so I remained in my marriage. We are in touch still and he asks about my marriage and personal relationship , which is not good and we are living in separate rooms. He has agreed to meet me when I return and then suddenly one day he asks me not to message him anymore. I used to feel he cares cause he remembers out time together after more than a year and he talks about it to me. He has asked me to get over him . But he wants to know who I have told about him and what they have to say , u know like my family .I don't think he is seeing anyone else at the moment. Do you feel he cares but is waiting for me to be single before he says anything or is he just using me for his entertainment.

He had his fun and now its over.

You cheated on your husband,and if your marriage is not working you should sort that out before becoming emotionally attached to somebody else.

Which is what you should do now.

Deal with your own marriage, go or stay, but leave the side stuff alone until you do, as a cheating wife is great for a booty call, but lousy for anything more open, and serious. At least that's what a guy thinks and he probably does too!

So get that fantasy love out of your head, and get your own home in order. Then you would have no time to act so needy, and desperate for love with another who uses you for a quick, and easy piece of a$$!

When his lust is gone so is he, so smarten up and think better of yourself!

I think you really need to sit down and think something's through... because it seems that the sistuations you just described is one HUGE mess!

First of all you're married and you're cheating on your husband... and personally I don't care why you're doing that. What I do have to say about it is that if you don't want to be with him then get out of the marrige before you start something new! How would you feel if the situation was the other way: that you're husband was cheating on you?

Secondly, your lover told you he didn't love you... so the answer is pretty easy: How do you know if he loves you... well you can take him on his word.

Lastly, you are not in a situation where you should be needy when it comes to some guy you have on the side... you need to face the reality of the situation you're stuck in... you're somebodys wife and you're cheating on your hubby.

Sort out the situation with you Husband first of all, forget lover boy (cause you were more likely than not just some piece of a$$)... like Tal said: smarten up and think better of yourself!

Roxy

Add a baritone to the choir. Your boytoy's feelings aren't really very important right now. After you get your own head on straight you can look into others' heads. I don't mean to sound harsh but you have several much more important issues to deal with first.

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What do I do now ? Shall I be honest with my husband ? He will definitely not stay with me if he knows the truth about everything . Or shall I just carry on like nothing happened and work on my marriage ? I still don't think I will be truly happy with him but I'm so confused and so afraid that I will regret leaving

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Originally Posted by bev_13

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what do i do now ? shall i be honest with my husband ? he will definately not stay with me if he knows the truth about everything . or shall i just carry on like nothing happened and work on my marriage ? i still dont think i will be truly happy with him but im so confused and so afraid that i will regret leaving

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Well, you can't have your cake and eat it too. You didn't want to stay with him, and now you're scared he's going to leave you?

Perhaps it's also time to grow up? No relationship is always 'truly happy' - that's the challenge and the joy in marriage that you work though the difficult times.

I suggest that it's time to spill the beans. The marriage is in trouble so this challenge will either make it stronger or break it... why not try being honest for a change?

Let him have some say in what happens to your relationship. Tell him the truth.

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Originally Posted by bev_13

Threads merged

what do i do now ? shall i be honest with my husband ? he will definately not stay with me if he knows the truth about everything . or shall i just carry on like nothing happened and work on my marriage ? i still dont think i will be truly happy with him but im so confused and so afraid that i will regret leaving

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You write like you're not real sure exactly what you want. You could probably use a neutral sounding board to work out what you want, then you can figure out who is most likely to help you find it. There are people who hire out as sounding boards, they call themselves Psychologists or Counsellors. You might consider trying one.

To me it honestly sounds like the relationship is over. Tell him or not you should just end it and start a new chapter. Nothing lasts forever and the only way it seems like you guys would ever work is if you guys had time away, that's if it were true love. If you said you don't think you will truly be happy with him though, then what's the use, imagine in 5 years you will be miserable and worse.

Seeing a psychologist or someone similar is a good idea for you either way.

You're at a critical point right now where either way you have to make some tough choices!

I get that you might be confused about what to do and that you're scared of the possible outcome of whatever you decide

But in all honesty I think you need to be honest with yourself and your husband and a counselor can help you sort stuff out and than you can continue with more certainty.

Personally I feel that no matter how bad your marriage has been, or rather how unhappy you've been with your husband. You should still tell him the truth and take responsibility for your actions. But that's what I think!

I left... it was not working... im single now there's no one in my life... I don't regret the decision to leave I'm not stressed like I used to be...

Glad you worked out what you wanted and acted on it. Good luck for the future.