Ask Me Help Desk - How does one choose a spouse?

How does one choose a spouse?

I'm starting a report on relationships; for now, basically the question I'd like people's input on is how does one choose a spouse? What qualities or traits (both physically and mentally) do you look or have looked for when you decide(d) on a life partner? I understand everyone wants to be with someone who is respectful, trustworthy, faithful, etc. but I'm wondering if anyone can explain to me what traits they look for in another on a deeper level.

Actually, most of us chose a spouse without much deliberation. We don't take a checklist on dates. (I did have one, but it was how good a kisser he was.) If only we DID think it through carefully, the divorce rate would be much lower.

I think "choose" is the wrong word. If we choose, it isn't often a logical choice.

I think the term choice is a little broad. For some, there are lists of qualifications for a mate. You know, must have job that pays such and such, must have two cars, must be tall and not overweight, no history of diabetes, etc. For others it's the rush to beat that biological clock that helps them decide. For me, it was pure, senseless love. My husband has a decent job yes, rich he is not. He's over weight yes, huge he is not. His family is a pain and he over sensationalizes everything. He leaves his socks laying all over the house and he has a bad temper. He's also the most confident, handsome, caring, honesty and trustworthy person I've ever met. I am deeply in love. He is the frosting on my cookie.

For me, there was not 'choice' involved in the decision to make him my life partner. When love takes over, there is no need for decision making.

I guess what I am trying to say is that for me there were no deciding factors. I knew I loved him and that was all I needed to know. He will make me happy for the rest of my life.

I agree with the other posters. Not to mention how can you gauge how what people look for in general? Its not possible because no one actually knows what they want. Just kidding, really its this simple. People fall in love because they become connected to the other person in some way. For every person it is a different connection, a different trait. There is no way to norrow it down for the general public.

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Originally Posted by Larken85

I agree with the other posters. Not to mention how can you gauge how what people look for in general? Its not possible because no one actually knows what they want. just kidding, really its this simple. People fall in love because they become connected to the other person in some way. For every person it is a different connection, a different trait. There is no way to norrow it down for the general public.

I'm actually not trying to narrow down a connection between two people at all because I know not every couple shares the same one. To put it more roughly, I'm just wondering what characteristics or traits you -personally- would like your partner to possess in order to further a relationship. I understand people fall in love based on a special connection; but I'm wondering what qualities would you want shared to form that connection between you and your partner specifically. Maybe what personality traits do you discover in yourself that you'd like your partner to relate to in order to form a bond. I expected everyone's answer to be different in some way which is why I was so curious to find out. I am interested to know what each person looks for.

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Originally Posted by Karly

I'm wondering what qualities would you want shared to form that connection between you and your partner specifically.

That's an entirely different question from your original one. Maybe you should start a second thread.

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Originally Posted by Wondergirl

That's an entirely different question from your original one. Maybe you should start a second thread.

It's truly not. In my first paragraph to this thread I had asked what qualities or traits do you look for when deciding on a spouse. Clearly these qualities you want in another must relate to at least some of your own to create a bond or connection.