Recently, my sis in-law (she and I married the brothers) told me that my husband has slept with a hooker while he was on vacation a few years ago. Her comment caught me on a surprise. I went home and talked to my husband. I denied the rumor and asked me who told me. Of course, I did not tell him who. He said that he did not do it but if he did he would come clean and told me himself.
Should I believe him. Ever since, I learned the information, I GROSS me out when I think he slept with a hooker. I went to have HIV, STD tests done and waited for the results. I thought of him being with a hooker discuss it. I do not want to have a intimate relationship with him. I told me that I'm waiting for the test results to come back.


What should I do in the mean time if he asks to have SEX?

Well if he did it 1 year ago u have probably had already sex with him so its not a prob to have it again

It is good you are getting tested. It is important. As far as the sister in law, we do not know what kind of character she is. She could be telling the truth or she could be lying because of jealousy and just wants to cause problems. Why would she wait so long to all of a sudden tell you something like that. Just some thoughts.

Joe

Your husband should be understanding. I am not sure what you should tell your husband, but these results should not take too long to get back.

Like Joe said, it is very good you have chosen to be tested, and very important if you suspect your husband was unfaithful.
You must have some kind of doubt about the trustworthiness of your husband if you have gone so far as to be tested. Correct?
Instead of trying to avoid sex by making excuses, or waiting until the last minute to bring up your concerns if your husband asks for sex , discuss the issue before hand. Set aside a time to talk with him. Explain to him your feelings and the reasons for doubting him. Try not to let the conversation escalate into a fight. Be as calm and assertive as possible while explaining the concern for your health and safety.
This is, in no way, an easy situation. Hopefully your tests will come back negative and you can leave that worry behind you. However, the issue of infidelity should still be addressed so that you don't run across this same situation again.
I hope all is well. Please let us know how you're doing.
Kae

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Originally Posted by superzazou1

well if he did it 1 year ago u have probably had already sex with him so its not a prob to have it again

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As cold a statement as this is, it is technically accurate.

Why do you trust the word of your sister-in-law over that of your husband?
You certainly seem to already believe he is guilty of the charge, which means there is already a problem with trust in the marriage.

Regardless - You can either work it out, or call it quits. Either you deal with the issues and your feelings, or you end the marriage and move on with your life.

As AkaTrue says, this is something you need to talk about with your husband.

Ask her how she knows this info.

That is a very good question that I thought of but did not write. I would like to know how she would even know this too?

Several years ago, my husband and her along with her husband took a trip together. Currently, she and her are having a problem in their marriage. Her husband has an affair for 3 during their 4 years of marriage. While on the phone, she told me about my husband infidelity.

I went home and have a conservation with her husband in a calm manner. It was a shock for me to learn this information. My husband travels all the time by himself their it raise my concerns on her statement. Yet, I 'm still waiting for the test results to come back and hope it will be NEGATIVE.

Recently, I asked him to put my name on the house deed but he refused. I paid for the house and work to contribute with the bills. He indicates that he will put the house into the children's names. He says that if we were to divorce, we both walk away with empty hand because he will start all over again and I should do the same. He makes a comment like he will rent a condo and I would to. ( I was young when we got together. I was in college and work full time. At that time, we brought the house and I did not think to add my name on the deed. It has been 15 years later, I ask him in between over the years. At first, he says OK but now he has changed his mind. He says that he works hard for the children and I should have the same goal.)

I work hard to raise the children and want to have a home to go to. Am I being selfish? I love my children but want to know that I'm protect with a roof over my head?

I had a very gossiping family and one thing I learned to do in that environemnt is to lovingly confront others with the desre to know the truth. You can only ask people and they can only tell the truth or lie-- which you did. Good for you! But one thing I did eventually acquire was a kind of respose to people telling me stuff that went like this--- if you are going to talk about XXX behind their back to me, plan on talking about it to their face the next time we all get together because I will be bringing it up. That curtailed a lot of the stuff that was being said simply for the effect, true or not. Gossip only works if its behind the back. And I would be watching out in your family for the same stuff so maybe all four of you need to sit down and have a really frank talk. Anyone not willing to come to that meeting I would mistrust a bit.

First of all, in all fairness, you should disclose to him who gave you this information (your sister-in-law.) I can understand you wanting to protect your sister-in-law but once you've let the cat out of the bag, it's out and if you're going to confront someone about something you've heard secondhand, they have a right to know who your sources are. Secondly, did this vacation occur before or after you were married? If it was after you were married, then obviously your problems are much greater. If it was before you were married, did he claim to be a virgin prior to your marriage? If not, then so what? Hookers are just as human as anyone else. There's really no difference between sleeping with a hooker and sleeping with the girl next door. If you're willing to accept him with the baggage of having slept with the girl next door, then why can't you accept the baggage of having slept with a hooker? The girl next door can be just as prone to STDs as a hooker. In fact, if anything, the girl next door is probably more vulnerable than a hooker as hookers are often prudent enough to take steps to lower their risks, for example, by insisting that all of their "johns" wear a condom. Unless this "rendezvous" occurred after you were married or he told you he was a virgin prior to you, then I think your concerns are way off base.

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Originally Posted by Solitude

I work hard to raise the children and want to have a home to go to. Am I being selfish? I love my children but want to know that I'm protect with a roof over my head?

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You've sort of gotten off-track regarding your original concern. However, you speak that "we" bought the house but you state that the deed is strictly in his name. Did you sign for the mortgage along with him? If so, then the deed is in your name as well and legally half the house is yours. That said, I doubt that he could legally put it in your childrens' name unless you were to consent. And frankly, I wouldn't consent to such a thing, especially if you smell a divorce in your future. How old are the kids? If they are still school-age, then you've got a good shot at keeping the house and the kids (provided you can afford to continue to pay the mortgage on your income plus whatever child support and alimony you'd receive.) If the kids are grown and self-supporting (or are at the age where they should be), then it could be deeded to the kids but you'd have to be bought out at a fair price. Otherwise you'll probably have to sell the house and divide the profits 50-50. Even if the deed is strictly in his name, that is still your marital home so any judge should recognize that you have a vested interest in it and give you a fair portion of it should a divorce occur. As for getting back to your original problem, I agree with the other posters that your sister-in-law needs to be confronted and that all four of you should sit down face-to-face and talk things out. If either of your sibling in-laws are unwilling, that gives you very good reason to doubt the truthfulness of what you've bene told in the first place ; hence my original response to you about revealing your witnesses rather than trying to protect them and keep them anonymous.

Maybe it's me but you seem like your looking to get out of this relationship. You went from the supposed affair to the house deed. My question is, and I'm sorry if this comes off wrong, maybe I am wrong here but are you looking to leave him and find an excuse? To me something just doesn't add up.