My children, 2 daughters are full grown and hate me. Although I do as much as hand stands for them they bothe hold it against me as I had an affair 25 years ago. My marriage to their dad was bad. We had lots of arguing and my husband drank a lot coming home and arguing with me. I know I was wrong, I never had an affair again. I thought all was well till they grew up with their own familys and problems. Now they blame me for everything. They are very hurtful to me to the point my hurt goes right to my heart. They want me to hurt as I hurt them, at least this is what I think. How can I make it up to them? Any help would help me. I am still married to the same man for 38 years, I am a good person who made mistakes at a young age. My girls will not let me live it down. What can I do. I am to the point of just backing away as I cannot change the past. They are my life and I need to get some outlook on this for me. Thank you. Joanie

Hi, Maxgeb!

I really do feel that there is more to the story here than you're telling us...

Have you sat down with your children to discuss things and do they see their real dad anymore?

Thanks!

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Originally Posted by Clough

Hi, Maxgeb!

I really do feel that there is more to the story here than you're telling us...

Have you sat down with your children to discuss things and do they see their real dad anymore?

Thanks!

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I am still married to their dad, for 38 years now. And no... that pretty much is the whole story. I just can't do anything right in their eyes. I do talk with them occasionally about how I feel and they say it is not about me, it is about them. And We do try to get along... I do most of the initiating. My oldest is the worst as she was about 9 when this all happened. This went on for about 8 months and I am sure it damaged her for her love for us. However she has grown to be a wondreful mother and nurse to whom we are so proud of. I just feel uncomfortable at times with her as I know how she feels about me . They can actually be mean. Cutting mean. Well that is all I can say. I just am looking for some sort of other information I can read or could educate myself as to how to live with this type of resentment they have towards me. Thanks anyone with any support or similar issues. J.

Hi Clough, Your situation is somewhat similar to mine. My oldest son is 42, the next oldest is 38. The 38 son lost custody of his son, became incarcerated, lost his business, lost everything. Now, my 42 son blames me. I divorced their dad when they were 15 and 11 years old. The separation was violent, I had to hide to save my life. Also, the 38 hates me because I am unable to take custody of my grandson. To add to the dilemna, I also have a 25 year old son who is a father of a 3-month old. The 3 month old's mother worked for my husband. She stoled his checkbook, wrote and cashed $1,500 in checks. He fired her and is asking her to pay back the money or he will turn her in to the police.

I've lost the 41, his wife and child, my 38 and his son, my 3 month old's mother. So, it is all about loss. I have learned to live with loss. For now at least, those people are "dead" to me. Until they come to me with apologies, there is no other way, and yes, it is painful.