I know this is going to be really long but I need help. I'm going to try to make this short but I'm not sure if it will actually be considered short. Please don't tell me to see a therapist,psychiatrist etc because I refuse to let my parents pay someone who doesn't care about me to listen to me talk. I don't want your sympathy or anything like that but I need to know what to do. I don't think I'm depressed or anything(you'll hear my reasoning later). The thing is that I'm also just 16 so I need to know is it just the stress of being a teen that is making me feel like this?
I think that I have major problems with all sorts of things... doesn't everyone? The thing is that I don't talk to people about my feelings are things that are troubling me because I feel like they'll think I just want attention or sympathy. I hate attention though and I don't like people feeling bad for me because I ave NO reason to fell this way.
I have insomnia and can't stop it and after I go to sleep I want to stay that way. My dreams are random and pointless but I like them. I just want to dream forever. When I wake up even after like 10-12 hours asleep I won't move or open my eyes so that I can go back to sleep. I dread getting up and facing the day.
I do have to go to school though so for about 1/2 and hour before catching the bus I have such terrible butterflies in my stomach that make me so nasaus that I can't finish my tiny breakfasts. I've even missed school a few times because of it.
I have a unbroken family and they really are great people but I can't stand them. Of course I love them but for some reason when I think about them I get really upset.
I also have great friends but I'm so shy and self-conscious about every little thing that I really have no self-esteem(or at least not much). I feel like an outsider around people because I feel like if I talk to them they'll just hate it and want me to leave. I feel like I don't deserve them because they trust me with their secrets but I just can't bring myself to tell them anything. I'm actually trying to stay away from my friends because I'm so quiet and hate just sitting there while people talk. I do want to be their friend but I just feel like they want me to leave them alone... even if they don't feel like that, I'm convinced that they think that.
I also hate talking... not when I'm actually having a conversation, but after it ends I think about what was said. "why did i say that?" " i should've said that differently!" "what did they mean when they said..." "did they misinterpret what i said?" pretty much that whole deal and I get pissed at myself for various reasons... and I won't let them go. Even things that people probably didn't notice drive me crazy because no matter what I did or said something wrong. There are times from a couple years ago... wow even one or two from elementary school(I'm in 10th grade), that I still hate myself for.
when I'm just sitting alone or not talking and pretty much I can just think I always feel so depressed. The second I start saying something I still feel upset but not as much. I'm able to hide how I feel so well that people still don't know or suspect anything. That's why I'm sure I'm not depressed. When your depressed I'm pretty sure you can't like act like everything is OK... umm... well enough. I mean you can try and all but isn't it still obvious? I also thought I had a general anxiety disorder for a while because of the butterfly issue and a couple other reasons that probably don't matter because who knows maybe everyone feels like that...
well that's almost everything summed up. Sorry about the length but it was basically nessacary.

I feel exactly the same! I can't talk to people I have really social anxiety... I can't buy things in a shop or carry carrier bags because I am scared people are looking at me, but the weird thing is I am doing my nurse training at the minute and I have to communicate and I don't find it as hard as I thought I would have. I am completely different from all of my family, they are all out going and loud and pretty much attention seekers, were as I got nick-named the kid in the corner because I never done or said anything. I am sure you will be OK, try to do something for yourself-go somewhere find yourself. Do something totally spontanious where no one knows you and you know you will have to see them again.

You need to reconsider your attitude about seeing a professional. Because you can't hide as much from them... they can "SEE" far more than we can.

You seem to recognise some issues... but you need to take that next step to actually see someone face to face. And you need to see them repeatedly over a period.

Its easy to BS someone on the internet... not so easy face to face.

That's the first step... they can help you take the second one.

Halo, Hello.

The things you describe about how you are; it's strange but when I was in school I felt the same way, even things like having butterflies before school (I missed a lot of school because of all that anxiety- I decided eff this, it's not worth being this worried about and didn't go).

I used to think I was crazy, or hopelessly weird, and I did eventually see a psychologist. But I found that all I really wanted was someone to talk to where I didn't regret what I said afterwards and I could speak my mind without overanalysing everything.

You sound like you don't believe what you think makes sense. I am going to suggest something a lot of people won't. I am going to suggest that there isn't anything wrong with you.

What you say about hating to talk, and how you worry about being misinterpreted or misunderstanding the meaning behind words in general- this isn't weird, in fact, great thinkers have thought about this essential problem and have produced great philosophical texts about such things. One man's weird is another man's genius.

Anyway, I'm no physchologist/counselor/whatever, I just feel like I relate to what you wrote. You're asking for help, and here's my help:

EMAIL REMOVED FOR PRIVACY

That's my email address. If you want to talk about anything, or you write anything or you just want to put your thoughts out there, maybe you already write stuff but just want someone to read it, well email me and I'll read it and talk back. Not talking about what bothers you, not writing about it or having someone listen; that'll drive a lot of people nuts.

Perhaps you just haven't met the right people in your life yet.

You say you aren't prepared to let your parents pay someone who doesn't care about you listen to you talk.

Just a couple of things to think about:

The fact that they 'don't care about you', in fact aren't personally involved with you but do want to see you do well, if for no other reason than it makes them feel they do their job well, means they can be objective. You can admit to as many horrible feelings about people as you like, and unlike the people involved they aren't going to feel hurt, but they can help you understand your feelings and learn how to deal with them.

Secondly, I bet if your parents had to cough up a large sum to someone to fix the car (or house or washing machine or whatever), you would consider that normal. So which do you think is more valuable - your health and happiness or one of those things?

You're not eating or sleeping properly and you admit your schoolwork has suffered and you're not exactly enjoying life are you - so wouldn't some kind of counselling be worth a try?

It doesn't mean anyone thinks you are nuts or weird. Lots of perfectly normal people use counselling to help them with specific problems or anxieties in life - it's just about helping you understand yourself - which your post suggests is exactly what you are trying to do. So you can battle on this alone or ask for help, if not from a professional counsellor what about a school counsellor, pastor or similar?

Nobody expects you to be able to teach yourself maths, science, english etc etc, that's why you go to school, so why should you have all the answers on this without help?

I used to be absolutely totally 100% against counseling. Swore up and down I would have nothing to do with it and if anyone tried to make me go I swore I would sit there and never say a word. Well, my aunt and mom made me go and at first I tried to follow through with not talking. Turned out that's easier said than done and I actually found it to be a very positive experience. My counselor was able to help me with a lot of the issues I was going through when I was your age. I really encourage you to reconsider your stance on counseling.

Also, there doesn't need to be a reason for you to be depressed. You could have a perfect life on paper and still be depressed just because of the chemicals in your brain. And yeah, even depressed people can be really good at hiding it.

And don't worry, you're not the only one that regrets saying things. When I was little I always wanted to be "cool" and show off to my older sister and cousins and their friends. There's still some memories that make me blush and think "OMG! how stupid i must have seemed" it happens. I think I'm probably the only one that remembers those moments though. And you're probably the only one that remembers your awkward moments ;)

I know its hard to ask for help. But once you do, it's like having a huge weight lifted from your shoulders.

First many many couselors want to be there to help, I do pre wedding counseling and often do it for free if they can't afford it, since I want to help, many many are the same way, ( although they have to earn a living also)

There are pastors, religious counseling ( of all faiths). There are caring teachers and couselors at school and more.

And another thing, by 16, if someone doesn't want to hang out with you or talk to you, they don't. It's not like when we were 5 and our moms insisted we play nicely. So if your friends are talking to you, its because they actually want to. Don't put up so many walls that they can't get through. Your family will likely stay by you no matter how many walls you put up or how far you try to push them, but your friends may not. If you push them to far, there will likely be a point that they move on and give up. Don't let that happen

You must be exhausted!

Well done for realising that you have to address this state of things.

What you are going through is so common that there are millions of books out there to help you. There will be one that speaks directly to you, if you look for it.

I found Gael Lindenfield to be really helpful, and lots of friends borrowed it and said the same thing. But you could find your own.

I think there's so much going on in our lives and on TV and around us generally, that its not surprising that we get confused and overwhelmed - we need time to sort out what to do with it all. Maybe this is why you like being asleep!

Take your time, it will get better. And yes, it is (partly) to do with being 16!

Good luck, and look after yourself.

I'm 16 so these feelings must be normal but I can't take it. When I wake up in the morning I feel fine then about 1/2 and hour before leaving for the busstop I start getting nausaus. It's pretty much butterflies in your stomach taken to the next next next level. It's terrible and I can't finish my tiny breakfasts sometimes. For some reason the feeling automatically goes away when I see the bus coming. I thought I had a GAD(I have like 1/2 the symptoms) but wouldn't I have more then that if it was a GAD?
Also I've wirtten about this before on this site but people say most people with anxiety disorders also have depression. I'm always so depressed when I'm alone and I have like no self-esteem so I pretty much freak out at myself(in my head). I worry about everything I did when I talked to someone or had some sort of communication with anyone. I worry about what they thought.
I almost don't know how to act around friends and family now so I'm somewhat withdrawing. I've always been quiet so no one notices but I'm starting to feel like I'm losing them. I can't make myself talk more or open up or anything so they know pretty much nothing about me...
Well ummm I think I went off topic but that's most of it so could I have an anxiety disorder and/or depression?

Hi, bloodyhalo94!

When is the last time that you had a check-up by a physician, please?

Thanks!

A couple months ago but that was only to get shots and pretty much a physical... I don't think that counts though.

I have some activities that I like to do with people on this site to help them to open up and feel more comfortable being around other people. Doing them can also be a confidence builder.

If you're interested in knowing about them and maybe participating in the activities, please let me know on this thread.

Thanks!

I understand what you mean about there is nothing wrong with anyone really but that is not the truth everyone has dysfunction everyone and everyone thinks this is normal the people who feel odd about these things are the ones who are ordinary like you or the girl who asked the question you answered or me I definitely understand where you are coming from and am suffering from similar things I am a 22 year old married female who although has one other person to talked deeply and adequately needs someone who understands please send me a message or comment on what I have said here

I would be very interested in knowing about them